


The Manny

by LostInQueue



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: After School - Freeform, Alliance, Alternate Universe, American Made, Amputation, Angst, Apocolypse Tomorrow, Attempted hijacking, Baby sitting, Bombs, Business, Children, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Tree, Comrades, Confused Kylo Ren, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, F/M, Fear, Fear of Flying, Fear of loss, Fight or Flight Challenge, Finn father of four, Finn tells stories, Finn worried father, Flight lessons, Gen, Growth, HEA, Happily Ever After, Healing, Holidays, Homelessness, Hugs, Karate, Kids, Kisses, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Backstory, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren changes a diaper, Kylo Ren dreaming about being a parent, Kylo Ren in Love, Kylo Ren is a Manny, Kylo Ren the Manny, Kylo doing good, Kylo in the army, Long Time Friends, Loss, Mental Healing, Military Families, Military Wife, Minefield, Music, Neighbors, Nerve Damage, POV Kylo Ren, PTSD, Parenting Humor, Poe teases Kylo, Police, Purple Heart, Rebirth, Rey and Kylo reunite, Rey is a hero, Rey is sensei, Rey stands up for kids, Rey supports Wounded Warrior Project, Rey teaches children, Rey's Homecoming, Rey’s a Nanny, Rey’s a linguist, Rey’s a possible milf?, Rey’s injury, Rey’s past, Rose pregnant, Shrapnel - Freeform, Soldiers, Soup kitchen, Suicide Bomber, Thanksgiving, Tours, Travel, Visiting Graveyard, Welcoming a loved one home, anti-bullying, artwork, business in China, child endangerment, children doing the right thing, communication problems, crazy patients, do, domestic kylo, donating food, donations, feeding soldiers, funny stories, graves, guardian humor, hero - Freeform, hospital horror stories, kids doing the right thing, mental sacrifice, missing the deceased, nanny - Freeform, parenting, poop, poopApocalypse, preemie, reaching out, save Kylo Ren, turkeys, two steps from hell, ultimatum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-15 01:44:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 54,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16052861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInQueue/pseuds/LostInQueue
Summary: Kylo Ren is a decorated serviceman who had returned home with a Purple Heart, wounded in battle, and lost brothren, he sits outside Dameron’s stoop for months dealing with his losses.That is, until a girl has him wondering what life could be like outside of the armed forces. However, his mind is a cruel one. Instead of having the nerve to ask her or about her, he makes up false truths about who she could be and her life before he came across her.





	1. Chapter 1

[](https://ibb.co/eQzPZz)

Overcast, dark and dreary has summed up the majority of April, feeling much more like the middle of November, has Kylo Ren having a hard time getting ready for a full day of nothing. He’d told himself time and again that, ‘this was it.’ He the last of his troop mates, was the only to survive, before being grouped up with another squadron. Injured and discharged with a Purple Heart he sat frustrated in silence on the stoop of his roommate’s steps taking in the day. His focus of course wasn’t actually on the day. It was meticulously going over every last bit of time he’d spent with them. Seated, with his feet planted down a few stairs, he opened his legs to a comfortable distance, bending his chest over his knees, hunching to stare at the collected gravel below him. The longer he stared at the natural designs in the otherwise uninteresting grey gravel, the more even the jagged spaces color would draw him back in to thinking about his past. How he even had been recruited. 

Andrew Snoke, and Armitage Hux has been friends with Kylo for years, well before they had joined the ranks. Andrew’s family had been unmistakably a military family. Everyone within it had served, from his greatest grandmother and grandfather, spread out over his great aunts and uncles, all the way to his baby sister who, well, is no baby. Bazine could kill with just a smirk. He grins at the thought. But Andrew is gone. Shot in the head during a raid in the middle of the night. Armitage had pulled him out giving at least their battalion the ability to say goodbye to a brother instead of a pair of boots, a helmet, and his weapon that would not have belonged to him. Instead would have been used to honor him—but wouldn’t have made much of a difference. 

Not even a month later, Hux died. He had been blown to dust stepping on an IED. Kylo, has been right there, seeing the last moments of his brother’s life, caught in a sad smile, trying desperately to salute him on Hux’s way out. Kylo smears the dusty residue of the dirt that’s found Dameron’s steps at the thought. 

Then that leaves Dameron. He’d been lucky enough not to of been there, that is, when Hux blew to bits. Instead he had been in the Humvee extending their coordinates to command. ‘All he knows is a constant ringing in his ears, while I have a gash on my face, scars from shrapnel all over my body—oh and who could forget that lovely burn the pipe scorched through me?’ He sniffs, dislodging a booger uncomfortably into his nostril. Swearing at the intrusion, he snot rockets the blood-tinged colored offender out. 

Kylo’s been outside all morning since the morning was considered ‘morning’ in this little suburban town. Taking in the scenery from this morning to now is no significant change, other than that the shade of grey that the overcast sky is creating, and it is making him drowsy. Looking up from his brother’s, well no, friend’s, since they weren’t blood related and he honestly couldn’t call Dameron a brother’s, stoop, he notices the wall of townhouses which mirrored his. All done out with the same siding, doors, windows, garage doors, roofs, everything, unless they were mirrored to each other as they were in Dameron’s with their neighbor, he honestly didn’t remember his name to.

He shifts just slightly fumbling with the hem of his jeans right above his black sneakers when he hears music, and the general squeak of the protesting tiny push of something on wheels. Looking up from his sulk finally from the last few hours bent mindlessly over himself, he sees her. Taking in the carriage first and dismissing it watching her as she passed on a comfortable jog down the sidewalk. The woman didn’t even see him. ‘Too busy in her own thoughts to,’ Kylo shakes his head, looking on as he fingers the top of his water bottle, fisting the cap in the other hand. A breath of a sound, “hm,” came out sternly but not at all loud enough to get her attention. 

She was slender but muscular under her sports bra looking top and leggings. Leggins and ‘yoga’ pants were at the top of his list when it came to things women could wear outside and show off their curves as if they were in lingerie. That and spanks- ‘whoever created them were clearly trying to give the sea of men constant hard ons,’ he thought. Taking a swig of his water he’s basically rationed off like he’d done in the service. He shamelessly watches her stop, breaking the carriage to stretch out a couple stoops down. She’s all of a few houses down but he’s still enjoying the show. She’s flexible, toned, everywhere, and God damnit if she turns towards him, her gaze turned downward at her laces to retie them. The warmth he feels from her radiance is unlike anything he’d ever known. He watches on as she pulls her headphones down off of her ears, resting them on her slender neck, at his distance he can only truly tell that her messy bun is a darker color of brown, and that while he can’t tell her exact features, she’d heart-stoppingly beautiful when she smiles. His gaze follows her as she turns back to the stroller, bending over the handle to fix the baby, but he can’t help but travel with her, thinking of all the nasty things he’d like to do with her. Then, with the cool breeze that retrieved him from those dark thoughts, he remembered she was a mother, and it wasn’t worth his time oogling over a mom. With a groan and feeling more like a fool for not seeing the carriage as an obvious no he bends himself back over his knees, whining about it internally. 

Kylo had no desire to go look for a job, figuring he could just live off of the settlement and bonuses that he would receive for his services after two terms in Iraq, he literally worked out, ate, and lounged around until Poe came back after his day ended. Poe was a delivery guy for Poland Spring, removing and replacing the bottles for self service to businesses and residential areas. Bottled water was a convenience in the states, anywhere, that is, except for the third world countries, that they had been stationed together in. Mildly, Kylo wonders if Poe ever stops to think about that. Ever wonders what life would be like without all the bells and whistles this country has. Furthermore, he wonders how much anyone even gives a damn that people have had to go without in other countries all together. It’s not like the states didn’t have hell holes, or people suffering like they did over seas, it was just widespread suffering that he could do without. Not a day goes by that he wishes he didn’t join, fresh out of high school, but he does wish to remove the stress of the tours. To see less of their faces. To let go of the past. To move forward into an unforetold happiness that he’s sure he doesn’t deserve. 

He’ll be damned as that cues up the return of that beautiful mother, now across the street from him. He’d now be struck once again. ‘She’s just across the way,’ he thinks. With nowhere else he wants to look, he watches her. She’s parking the stroller behind the black minivan, pressing down the locks, pulling at the trunk door, presumably to put the stroller in, and bends down to the carriage basket below the car seat itself. Kylo stifled a moan at her display, pulling a small diaper bag to place in the back and then again to pull two large silver dumbbells from it as well. ‘Makes more sense she wanted a stretch,’ he watches on. Stepping away from the stroller with them she underarm tosses both with a large thud the first time and the second landing close enough to elicit a light clashing metal sound, as it lands unceremoniously on top of the other. A shift of feet bring him back to focus on the carriage. Kylo watches as her body curves lovingly around the baby, removing the attachment from the stroller. She puts it down on the sidewalk next to her before breaking down the stroller, tossing it down into the bottom of the van’s trunk, and closing the back door. Finally turning her body to the car seat. She lifts this, thrusting her arm through the handle, pulling the key from what looks like thin air and hustles up the stairs into the house.

Kylo focuses on the weights trying to figure out how heavy they were. After much deliberation, he figured that they must have been both twenties just in given the size and sound alone. Briefly, he wonders what kind of Mom packs forty extra pounds under a carriage - and hopelessly is struck with the need to find out that much more about her. 

—-

In the months to come, Kylo is still out just before sunrise, doing is usual stalking through his memories. This time being more torn from that look Hux gave, he opts for a beer instead, watching across the way as his eye candy gets ready to go with three kids, two within most likely the same grade, something young? Maybe kindergarten or first grade? ‘What does that make them? Five and six?’ He questions himself. And a squealing baby. Who knows how old it may be. Small enough to still be worn, and in that car seat shell. He wonders idly how her home life is. He’s rarely seen anyone else in the time he spends outside. Just another car, a red eclipse that’s seen better days. It’s rarely there though. He wonders if whoever he is, that he’s good to her. 

Over the time that he’s watched them, he’s seen her in all shades of frustration and perkiness, commanding her crew under five, making sure no one forgot anything or had to pee before getting in the van. This morning she asks about pee and one of them wound up owning up to an accident. Kylo actually feels bad for her as she drops her shoulders still carrying the car seat. 

“Ok!” Even her defeated voice doesn’t sound annoyed. She takes the whole lot back inside, ready to handle the incident and return a whole twenty minutes later. ‘It can’t take her that long.’ He thinks. ‘It was just pee.’ Taking a short drag of his drink, she spies him looking on, and had given the neighborly smile and wave she seems to give everyone who catches her eye. Panicked. He lifts his fingers off the neck of the bottle before bashfully lowering his face to the ground. Then nervously he picks up his gaze again when he realizes it’s still morning, ‘oh my god... she must think I’m a hobo,’ he shakes his head looking at his emptied bottle hanging loosely from his fingertips. 

Kylo lifts to his full size. Dragging his fingers through his greasy hair, he fixes to go in jolted, however, by the sound of a horn honking at... him? It’s her. In the van. Passing by with a more than friendly wave, ending with her fingers coming to a curl into her palm and driving off. He briefly sees a kid in the tinted window pressing his face against it as she drove off. 

Stunned for a second he wakes himself from his hypnosis, deciding he should maybe move. Not move out. Just do something today? ‘Maybe so she doesn’t think I’m homeless? I mean I kind of am. I’m in a tiny ass room at Dameron’s.’ He chided himself. ‘God, I wouldn’t be able to bring her in—if— she’s married, with kids, you idiot. She doesn’t want you she’s only being nice.’ He hollers at himself once more. ‘But then why can’t I let it go?’

Readying himself for a shower he lets out a breath wondering why he’s letting this person, out of everyone that passes, gets to him. Why is she the object of any affection? Kylo had been alone for the majority of his life. Even at home he didn’t feel connected to them. The service bought him together with people with mostly the same views and need for comrades. Now out... it messed him up to know there were so few of them in the outside world. How different it all was. But how his needs for something with someone, at least one, was there. Dameron and his wife were not the people he was looking for. For some reason or another it was this girl he never spoke to. Had it been attraction? Had it been general interest? All of his unanswered questions? There was no way for him to really know the root of it. Women in general weren’t an item he’d have to chase. Those that were interested in him would seek him out. He thinks back to a time when he had a steady group to choose from, and now.... now there was just a mom across the street that gave him the slightest satisfaction that he was still a man and half alive with that sweet little wave. 

After his shower, sitting in a towel on the toilet, he thinks, or tries to. Struggling to break his routine, finally out, back on the stoop, his memory actually serves him on his way out. Maybe it was standing again in that same spot that jogged it? His brow furrows into a complete line, focusing now on that moment as it passes him again. ‘She...was she wearing a ring?’ He looks at his hand to think of where it would be if she did. ‘Left hand right?’ Kylo looks it up. His phone confirms it would be left. This opens another door thinking he should look next time she passes the stoop. 

——

Today he’s decided to go out, to the grocery store, of all places. It unnerves him that it’s so crowded. His height helps him deal with it though. Being above eye level of the rest of society helps. It used to bother him, not fitting in size wise, but found over time that he liked the way others had to look up to him. Like he was some man on the mountain looking down at all the villagers. 

Once he’d arrived he decided on a cart instead of a basket, only imagining himself as a little girl holding such a thing. Even if he gets one item... even if it’s something tiny, a cart was where it was going to go. In the army, he always had some pocket meal he could grab or a cafeteria that aided the encampment, where he didnt have to physically go shopping for it. Here. Here was hell. He was sure of it. Sure, you could find just about anything you were looking for, but there were so many different brands. ‘Someone slap me the next time I say something out loud to myself again,’ he prayed to no one. He’s latest mistake was questioning how the hell they were labeling produce as ‘organic’. Of course it’s organic. It’s food! Food is organic! He had to deal with some older woman making a mockery of him, explaining what it actually meant, and what the costs are just to have edible food without the pesticides. 

The lady didn’t seem to stop there either. Being of a considerably smaller stature he had to lean in to hear her. It was like trying to hear the quietest child in the world. This woman would take his cart and drag it up to each section explaining which ones were organic and which ones weren’t. Kylo was sure he would need another shower and two tons of Advil at the end of this conversation. Trying to keep his composure in the crowded market, Kylo finally stands, trying to thank the woman before backing away to retrieve a new cart. ‘She can keep it,’ he thought. 

Finally with a fresh new one, he avoids the produce section all together, peaking past it and noticing that the woman was still in the same place with his cart from where he left her. He shakes his head. ‘I came for...’ thinking of exactly nothing. He knows it was really just a walk through something that wasnt Dameron’s apartment. Turning roughly with his long strides, he sees her down at the end of the sauce isle. 

She’s dressed again in the tightest jeans he’s ever seen, and is thankful for the bar he’s holding on the cart. Moving slightly she reveals a dark skinned baby, sitting comfortably in some soft contraption at the seat of the cart. Kylo can only suspect that her husband must also be rich in his skin tone too. ‘Well then that’s just great,’ figuring he had no chance just in his appearance- not that she’s with a child. He sweats in a cold awful way when she turns to face him. Picking up some random thing on the shelf to look like he’s shopping, he’s surprised by a soft voice asking a question. 

“Have you tried that?” It’s her. The neighbor. 

Looking down he sees he’s grabbed canned salmon. He looks at it as if he had touched poop. A disgusted scowl takes over his face. She doesn’t wait for an answer as it’s clearly on his face. 

“If you like fish, try the seafood section by the deli.” She points in its direction, offering a soft smile, and calling her attention back to the child. 

Kylo hadn’t moved, not even enough to say thank you. He just stayed as still as the day they lost Hux, not moving or breathing until his eyes followed her out of the isle. He questions himself about salmon. ‘What’s salmon? Is it any good? Should I go get some? Why does this matter? She talked to me, that’s why it matters.’ Anyone listening to his thoughts would have though him to be mad. Shaking the thought he silences himself, responding with... ‘salmon’ and walked himself over to the counter. 

—-

Feeling absolutely dreadful, Kylo rolls over in his twin sized bed, trying to cling to the mattress before falling clear off for the thirtieth time this evening. How he wishes he had his old bed back, in his loft, all of his space, free to have whomever over, doing whatever as he pleased. ‘How did I even get here?’ He whines to himself. ‘Here, in Poe’s makeshift room within his fucking mudroom?’ 

“Fuck!” He roars, sure to wake the neighbors let alone Poe and Kaydel. 

Sure enough Kaydel pops up from sleeping atop Poe’s chest, from his hold like a turkey thermometer. Her eyes fly open, remembering Kylo downstairs. She pulls her eyelids to slits, angry that he hasn’t moved out yet, ready to tell him off herself right this instant, when Poe feels the cool breath of her movements from his grasp, pulling her right back onto him.

Meanwhile downstairs, scooting himself up to sit, Kylo pivots on his palm to get back into the bed. As the room is only big enough to supply him with the bed, a night stand adorned with a basic lamp, and a chair for his gym bag and a suit case holding all of his clothes, it does wind up taking more effort than it’s worth to get up and back into bed. Regretting a shirtless slumber, he fights with the grime that sticks to him from the dirty floor, thanks to the fine layer of sweat that covers his skin, and climbs back into this shitty old bed. The springs cry terrible screeching whines every time he moves, but even now, at this God forsaken hour, he finds the little bit of a window to rest. Finally. 

His makeshift room has a two foot wall of exposed brick that pedestals the room filled with windows. It provides nothing for temperature. Just a complete waste of extra space that could have easily been a utility closet. Kaydel made sure all the windows were rodded and dressed with blackout curtains for their guest making the most visible part of their town house look like a garbage pit. The floor was nonexistent, literally a mud room. 

 

The windows were doubled, making for a lovely amount of light that would regularly pull a tremendous amount of light in. Kaydel missed this, among other things, like the option to go downstairs to make her coffee before work. Now she had to either bring the damned thing upstairs or go buy some because Kylo was such a light sleeper. The man, she thought, really just needed to get his shit together and get on with his life. Certainly sure seven months was more than enough time to find a job and get out of their house, she makes her way downstairs to start her coffee, but more importantly, a fight.

“You can’t kick him out, baby.” Poe blows through his yawn stopping her in her tracks. 

“Why not?” She’s eerily cold about it.

“He has no job. You’d basically be sending him, someone that fought for this country, out into the cold. It’s almost winter...” he plays the deck of sympathy cards all at once being one himself, “would you do that to me?”

She snorts and looks up at the doorframe, “asshole.”

Poe’s lips curl up in a sincere smile, waving her over to him, “Come on. Come talk to me,” he sighs again, sure that he’ll fall back into a comforting slumber just listening to her voice. 

She lets out a frustrated sigh, complaining about what torture it’s been having Kylo downstairs. “He screams in his sleep.”

“You would too if you served,” his tone changes with her trying to control his thoughts. “Kylo’s experienced a lot of death for people he was close with. We all handle being home differently. He hasn’t been aggressive has he?”

Kaydel lowers her lips to Poe’s chest, “No.”

“Violent?”

“No.”

“Then what are you so worried about? It’s not clean in here? Have I complained?” Poe was easily the biggest whiner when it came to people leaving their shit everywhere. And Kylo was one of the biggest offenders. His clothes would hang off of every surface or be crumbled into a ball on the floor. The stench alone from that Goliath of a man, would make the whole downstairs smell like a gym locker room if it rained or he had been working out. 

While Kaydel has no words for the view this beautiful man would bestow upon their house at any given time of the day, he would do it at all the awkward times like a teenager. It irked her that she had to keep the shades drawn all the time due to his hugeness traipsing around in his underwear. But she wasn’t allowed to ever bring it up to him because of Dameron. 

The next afternoon, Finn contacts Poe about needing someone to watch his kids since Rose had been admitted to the hospital, on bed rest for the remainder of her third trimester. He explained that the nanny now, while great, can no longer do the afternoon shift which poses a real problem for them. Explaining that he can pay and well, Poe opts for someone he knows to give it a try. 

“Here me out. They’re paying an obscene amount for a night time baby sitter. It would just be until Finn gets home.”

“When’s that?” Asks Kylo.

“Usually after seven. So really you’re just there for after school until seven. Four hours a day for an amazing rate ‘sitters would only dream of.”

“And why would they settle with me when there’s so many out there that could do it?”

“They want someone they can trust. Finn trusts me. We’ve been neighbors for like ten years already... minus the time I served. Look, the nanny they had is still going to help out until you get acclimated.”

Kylo gives him a look. “Why can’t she just continue?”

Poe sighs, “she’s got an online business that’s gotten popular over the last few months and can’t juggle the three kids all day and do that too.”

‘She must be doing well for herself then,’ he thinks. “How much is the rate for this?”

“Fifty an hour... in just a week’s worth of watching you could have enough for renting out here.” Poe tries to bring up gently. “Maybe get a girl... ease some tension?”

Kylo’s eyes threaten him where he stands. A twitch under his eye and a jerk of his head confirm that he knows Dameron is at the end of his rope with Kaydel’s patience. “Fine. When do I start?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren takes on the day, still unsure about this mother he’d been oogling this whole time. Challenged by children, and the day he finds himself mending paths, and causing more trouble for them both.

‘I can sit for hours,’ Kylo thought. ‘I do it every day... baby sitting... isn’t that just watching a human creature, and making sure it stays alive until it’s guardian comes back?’ Kylo Ren has never been one to take care of anyone of lesser age than eighteen. All for the most part, potty trained, honestly being able to count the times his battalion had failed to piss in the bowl, or had better success using a coffee can for shitting in the field.

Dismissing the thought, Poe gives him Finn’s number to speak on his own behalf. Over the phone Finn seems stressed but cheerful that Poe had come through. “They’re good kids. And the nanny, she’s just their sun and moon, but she needs the nights to focus on her business... which I get, even though we tried paying her more.” He sounds disgruntled about it. 

Kylo, not knowing what to say, asks what’s needed of him. 

“The nanny has a schedule for them. Follow that and you’ll be fine.”

He asks when he should start, and Finn suggested Friday, being tomorrow, “so you have time to rest over the weekend.” A soft chuckle and a clear of his throat later, he gives his address and their contact list, including the nanny’s. They end their call and Poe appears out of nowhere asking how it went. 

“You’re neighbors?” Kylo asks. Poe’s address was 39, and Finn’s was 40. It takes a second to process. ‘Oh, shit.’ His face falls enough to be noticed and of course Dameron asks about it. Kylo is dealing with the shame of first oogling this woman, and now he has to face her after all of his seedy little fantasies over the last few months. 

“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.” Poe crosses his arms over his chest. “When do you start?” 

“Tomorrow.” His voice lower than he started. 

“Listen. If you want I can introduce you —“

“I’m not a child. I can handle this myself.” He can’t help but feel like he’s being handed off to another person as if that was truly the case. He sighs. “It’ll be fine,” nodding to himself mostly, trying to shake the images of her floating around his mind. Kylo gets up and pats Poe on the shoulder, “thanks.”

Kylo Ren doesn’t usually say thank you, but he’s also not that much of an asshole. He knows at some point he’ll have to work. If this could at least get him into an apartment he would be grateful to actually be alone. Idly he thinks of his old loft and how nice it was to get into. He had it for just a little over a year, after he graduated from West Point. The time between graduation and being deployed he remembers being such a waste. Trying too hard for attention. Buying people’s love. It was all too much too soon and from it he learned a valuable but awful lesson. That lesson being that most of the world is after ones’ belongings. That now he himself is living through. He groans again trying to calm his nerves to at least maybe sleep enough to be ready for tomorrow. 

——

Kylo woke enough during the night to accept it as karma. All of his time fantasizing over that tiny little mother in his grasp, despite her homely role, enjoying being the on-call center of her attention. How vivid his imagination could be. How bad it would hurt this afternoon, now noticing the clock at 4am, knowing he couldn’t ever obtain it. He motions to get up starting his day again at the stoop. 

He watches on as she goes through her motions of the day. Thankfully this time, no accidents, everyone in, and off to school. Within the hour she’s back getting the baby something and preparing for their walk. She passes their stoop, down around the corner and down the hill. Kylo’s gotten to the point where he can time her return. She does the bottom loop in twenty minutes and sure enough she’s jogging up his side of the street, ‘what was I supposed to remember to look for?’ He misses her, “damnit” he grits through his teeth. 

The woman stops her trot in a bounce, holding the carriage in front of her. ‘Oh no, did I say that out loud?’ When she turns, the sunlight cast down on her in this cool autumn day made her glow. Golden leaves fluttered down from their remaining branches, gleaming brilliantly in the bright blue sky. Backpedaling just enough to reach the corner of his stoop, she asks, “is everything alright?”

‘As if I didn’t learn from the ‘organic’ produce...’ “um... I...sorry?” She’s close enough to see her features clearly but he still forces his eyes down. Turning the carriage towards the stoop she stops and waits for another response. What’s more, she pulls her phone from her invisible pocket at her hip, turning the music off to give him her full attention. ‘Oh no... how loud was I?’

“Did you loose something?” She looks around the sidewalk in front of him, even into the sewer drain, “did it go down here?” She points to the drain. 

“Oh no, I um, I forgot to do something today... just it’s fine...” he watches her curl a loose tendril behind her ear, noting no metal jewelry at least. Beaded bracelets obviously made by children slid up and down her forearm as she moved. But nothing to indicate marriage. Maybe they were just paired? This day and age marriage or being combined as one if you’re with another for a certain amount of years. Angered by this, he can’t help the scowl that covers his otherwise handsome features for long enough for her to notice. 

“Well, if you need anything. I’m around.” She pulls her phone back out restarting her music, putting one and then the second earbud in, trying to look into his downward cast eyes. 

He hears something from her once again, just under her breath, obviously supposed to be to herself, that perks him up enough to watch her leave with the carriage. ‘What did she mean by that? I’m not some pubescent emotional child. I served this country! I have a right to my own thoughts... to what they harbor.’ He can’t help but wonder why she said it, why she’d been lovely and then so callous. Her words play back to him, ‘that’s right, don’t look at me while I speak...’ he tries to remember just how low it came. Eerily low, even for someone who was so upbeat and wonderful. What the fuck?’

Kylo fought with himself for the few hours left between having to show up across the street and deal with at least the day. He was no quitter. The proof was in the very fact that he was still alive. He shakes his head at the clock and leaves for her stoop. 

The townhouse’s windows, doors and stoop alike were always decorated for the particular season or holiday. This time, being November, there were garland made of silk leaves wrapped around the bannister, and next to the pillars that held the awning, sat dried corn husks also tied to them with twine in three places. The door itself was protected by a glass screen door that kids obviously decorated with sticky leaves, layering them in one spot, in a low corner of the door. The inside door was white matching the rest of the houses in the development, decorated with a wooden sign that said, ‘Give Thanks’ painted in camouflage fall colors. Screwed in beneath the hanging letters was a wooden turkey that had gone with the sign. Kylo stared at it for a moment. Maybe this was also a military house? ‘Wouldn’t Dameron of brought that up?’ 

Kylo looked around for the doorbell finding it covered by a note asking him or others to knock, so he does. A moment or two later she opens the door to him, holding the baby-her baby? Freezing him in place. She offers a soft hello and asks if he needed anything, and to his surprise he apologizes for before. He watches as her eyes lift and light up at the acknowledgment. She thanks him kindly, continuing with, “I’d invite you in but I’m waiting for someone.”

“Ah, yeah... that’s me. Um. I talked to your...” his eyes bulge not knowing what to call him, “Finn.” 

She watches him carefully, taking in what specifically? Kylo doesn’t know. 

He takes his fingers through his hair awkwardly, trying not to hunch but not to stand specially to his full height, figuring he might scare her up close, being as big as he is. His hand stays at the back of his neck before rubbing it around the side, finishing in an itch just under the stubble under his chin. He looks at her, then to the baby, but back to her, noticing her hair being down and wildly wavy, coming apart from itself in groups of strands as if maybe she had a shower and it dried like that? But it’s pretty and he can’t stop starring. Her eyes look like caramel colored gemstones that he could look into for the rest of eternity. Her nose, angled as softly gave way to her beautifully painted lips. Kylo honestly couldn’t remember first being so struck by another the way he was with her, and second whether or not she was wearing makeup this morning. 

The baby though, maybe out of hope for them, he didn’t see much of a resemblance to her, prompting him to finally introduce himself, “My name is Kylo Ren. I was told the nanny would teach me how to,” he falls quiet watching the baby squirm against her looking for something. 

“Alright, why don’t you come in then, and we’ll get you all set up.” Then she looks at the baby, introducing her first, “This is Kira. KiKi is her running nickname. The boys came up with it.” She smiles lovingly at the baby, touching her nose to Kira’s.

Kylo can only watch on, praying that she’s not the mother. He’s lead through the door, and into the hallway. It looked exactly like Dameron’s everything in the right places and everything. The front doorway lead right into a hallway that had two openings into and out of the tiny kitchen, continuing on to a doorway to the left that lead to the garage, a few more paces up the hall would give way to the stairwell for upstairs to the left, a half bath to the right and right at the end of the hallway was the living room dining room area. Just past that was their mudroom, as it should look, clean and comfortable. For a moment he thinks of Kaydel, ‘this is probably why that woman hates me.’ The upstairs probably looks the same. He knows he doesn’t need a tour until it’s time to put the gremlins to bed. 

While it matches Dameron’s in layout, this woman had the townhouse looking like a staged home filled with decorations, no doubt that the kids made. She had taped them to the walls and windows, letting them be proud of what they made. Being so close to thanksgiving it was mostly leaves, turkey hands, and cut and pasted projects. Good grades hung from the refrigerator, decorated with stars or stickers still since a letter grade were for older kids. They had a small circular table in the nook within the kitchen, he realized would be hard for him to get in and out of, but even that was decorated with an elastic tablecloth for the season. 

Opening his stance to follow her from the doorway, she looked on at him motioning towards the kitchen. “I have lists for everyone in here. What they eat, what time they eat, a list of when to expect to have to change her diapers, how to handle homework time, when they go to bed, what to expect before and when they do, how to counteract it.” Then she gets into clothing, “you might want to bring over some clothes to leave here.” 

He chokes on air. ‘What in the hell?’

“Children are messy and accidents happen. It’s better to be prepared than not.” She sees his expression, “you can’t leave them to go get clean clothes, and you certainly cannot walk around naked.” She smiles when she says it. 

Kylo’s face goes hot clearly giving way to something she is enjoying watching. ‘This woman will be the death of me.’ “So um, where are they now?”

“School. It’s just down the hill. In fact, we best be getting a move on.” She motions to give him Kira, with the expectation that he’ll know how to hold her. He doesn’t. “Draw her in towards your hip, or hold her flush against your chest, arm under tush and second holding her back.” He does the later, because that’s all he heard. 

She retrieves keys, Kira’s diaper bag, a fist full of binkies and two bottles. “Come along, we have to go.” Surging past him, “I’ll show you everything later...”

Kylo holds Kira gingerly walking out the door, as if this fussy little creature could crack. Instructing Kylo to put her down inside the car seat and strapping her in seemed to take all of her patience. She pops in the driver’s side waiting for him to fill in the passengers seat. As the van hums, she pulls the she pulls out, and up the road. 

Kylo takes in the ride, checking out the buttons, realizing there’s no shifter. ‘What? It’s a van. Not a plane.’ 

“I don’t think I introduced myself. I’m Rey.” She said pulling into the school parking lot. 

“Nice to meet you.” He tries quietly, watching her back into a space next to a dumpster he’s sure isn’t a spot. Looking over her arm that holds the shoulder of his seat while she backs up, even though a camera picks up on the screen in front of them on the dash. 

“Nice to meet you too, finally.”

“What?” His mouth betrays his mind again. 

Rey parks the van, answering him with, “I pass you several times every day, and never a hello.” She clears her throat, most clearly looking straight into his eyes scaring him a little. He’s sure she can see right into his soul as she stares at him. “Come on, you’ll need to meet the teachers and give ID to pick up the kids. I’ll have to update the files and all of that, so why don’t we go to the office...” pulling the keys from the holder, turning off the engine with yet another button and preparing to grab the bucket. 

“Um. Can I... um..” he opens his hands completely capable to hold the car seat. 

“It’s heavy. Are you sure?”

He blinks at her. “I can manage.” The weight takes him by surprise and of course she happens to tell him that the baby comes first and not to drop her. Kylo can’t honestly remember having to hop through any hoops when he went to school but now? Now they have to look at a camera, buzz in to request to be seen, and he’s sure they’ll be escorted instead of directed to go to the Main office. 

“This is all because of all of those school shootings.” She said retrieving him from his scowl. 

‘School shootings?’ His mind flashes back to the last time he cared about the television. 

“Bullying is an epidemic these days... where as back then you could settle the score and move on... you can’t anymore. Liberals.” She shrugs taking the door after it buzzes, holding it open for him. 

Kylo can’t believe what he’s hearing. He fights overseas for kids that don’t have rights, and here at home their basically doing the same shit. 

“Anthony?” Rey’s voice sounded concerned, “what happened? Why are you in the office?”

Kylo’s attention swiveled to a young boy with dark caramel skin similar to, maybe Kira? A little darker. His eyes almost black, matching his thickly matted curls. He had a shorter nose than Rey but wider, and his lips were much thinner. He watches as Rey squat to her knees to check on this little boy. He listens to her asking him questions and if she can see it, and the boy nods pulling his hand from his face. A slight discoloration in his cheek suggested he was in a fight. “What happened?” 

Before Anthony could answer a few teachers surged in requesting Rey’s presence with Anthony. 

“Mr. Ren. Can you please watch Kira out here, she pointed to chairs out side of the principals office. And can someone please bring Kenny to sit with him?” She asked as they piled in and shut the door. 

A secretary called his teacher and had the boy sent in. When he gets in, there’s a stand off. Kylo and Kenny look at each other. Kennith with pure stink eye, and Kylo trying to figure out Rey’s addition to these children. ‘They don’t look anything like her. Or it’s wishful thinking’ his mind adds. Kylo tried to introduce himself and explain the situation but Kennith walked all the way around Kylo and Kira, to the other side of the room to sit in chairs on the other side of the wall with a scowl that would make paint peel. ‘This cannot be my life right now.’

They’re all surprised by the door opening with a click. “Go on out and sit with Mr. Ren. You’re fine. You’re not in trouble, Anthony.”

“YES HE IS!” A woman’s voice rang over hers. Rey’s head turned slightly, pulling in her lower lip and biting it with such force, she could have drawn blood. Rey closes her eyes and clears her voice before squaring off her shoulders. 

“You. Are. Adults.” She says with enough venom to stun the room. Not bothering to close the door the children and Kylo hear her stand up for Anthony. “And what’s more? He only FOUGHT because he was helping a BULLIED little GIRL! And where were all of you? Watching no doubt.” She goes on to tear them apart. “Anthony is not in trouble. If I have one more problem with this you’ll hear from his father.” She pushes out the doorway calling the kids names and his. Kylo actually jumps remembering to grab the bucket and following the crew with wide eyes. 

“Miss Rey? I...”

“You’re not in trouble Anthony.” The boy hugs her around her waist stopping her in her tracks. A sob or two sniffles out of him. She lowers to him, “I’m proud of you.” She hugs him back. “Some adults don’t know how to be adults. That was a responsible thing you did.” He sniffs a few times nodding his head into her shoulder. 

Kylo’s arm is screaming. Did Kira find the extra forty pounds? How did she get so heavy? Thankful to be moving again he pops her back into the base of the car seat. 

Kenny pops up from his seat in the back asking Rey if Mr. Ren is her boyfriend. Kylo freezes. 

“Well,” she closes her door and introduces him by his first name to them. “He’s going to learn how to help you after school for me.”

“You’re not going to be with us anymore?!” Squeals and cries radiate from them. 

“Don’t be silly. I live right next door.”

‘What?’ 

“Besides, he has a lot to learn still.” 

“But why?” They whine. 

“It’s just the way it has to be for now. I have to do some traveling next month for business—“

“To China?” Anthony asks. 

“Yes.” She gives a look, “and you know it,” She scoffs.

“I thought you were kidding.”

“Why would I kid about traveling overseas?”

The van falls quiet. Kylo’s not sure how to handle any of this. He’ll actually be alone with them for weeks. Clearing his throat he offers some easing words and of course the children go crazy and are unaccepting of his obviously forced confidence that they’ll be fine. ‘Motherfu-‘

“Are we still going to get the turkeys for the soldiers?” Kenny changes the subject. 

Kira starts screaming. “Kylo can you please get a bottle out of the cooler bag for her?” 

“Are we?” The boys chirp constantly. 

“Yes. Right after we’re going home for homework, dinner and then bed.”

“What about karate?” Anthony whines. 

“I think you’ve had enough for one day.” Kylo’s brow furrows handing the bottle off to Rey who points it off into the car seat. “She’s old enough.”

The remaining hours with Rey and the children had him helping stuff turkeys into trucks that were going to deliver them to servicemen and women that wouldn’t be home with their families. This struck a nerve with him, remembering her door sign, and then his brothers in arms, he can’t help but reach for his tags on the ride back. 

The boys change the conversations over and over again from making sense with the activity to completely random confusing stories. He remembers getting a headache from it, rubbing his temples, before having to excuse himself and sit in the van. In no time it seemed, they were already back in their seats whining about going home. ‘Ugh! I don’t know if I can do this.’ He whines to himself, dropping his head into his hands...and then...she enters silencing them all with music. 

“Enough now.” She lightly touches his shoulder. His. He jumps away from her for a beat but her hand remains. “Are you alright, Kylo?” Just the way she regards him has his breathing shallow. His muscles loosen while under her steady hand. Her eyes keep on him solidly, as she had done with Anthony. When he turns to lock eyes with her, his hair falls swiftly over them, shielding his pain, his frustration of the day, but most of all, his confusion with her.

All he can do is nod with closed eyes. The kids tease with “oooo’s” and she hushes them again with a side look over her shoulder. 

Homework was a mess. ‘Thank you first grade teachers for screwing up basic math,’ he thought. It was quite honestly the only thought he could make aside from his constant flashback to the van. Between the two of them, homework is finished in an hour. Rey’s made dinner, and prepared the dining room for everyone. Rey made sure to offer everyone their usual which made it look like a children run Thanksgiving. Making Kylo wonder if this was an every night fiasco. Anthony would eat anything, Kenny ate nothing but chicken nuggets and chocolate milk, and Kira had baby food but was onto soft food from the table. He would watch Rey prepare it all in small pieces, gathering everyone together at the same time, along with a handful of baby spoons, “Kira gets grabby. It’s easier this way.” 

After dinner, they all chirp like baby birds for dessert and Rey honestly has to look at them to quiet them down. “I’m glad you’ve all eaten, but I have not. If you’d like dessert, you’ll have to wait.” 

The boys start tapping their toes against the table in response. ‘It’s all of about ten minutes and they’re acting like they weren’t fed and will never see food again in their lifetime. Unbelievable.’ Out of frustration for her he stands asking the boys to show him how they clean the table. He glances for a second down towards her and is certain he catches a soft smile play on her lips, one that could turn him to stone right where he stands. 

As the table is cleared and the boys help him figure out where the dessert might be he feels her presence behind him, running chills up his spine. ‘This is dangerous,’ he thinks, ‘I can’t. I shouldn’t be here.’ Nervously he looks back towards her, in a slow gulp bob in his throat and all, he backs up from the sink. The kids are in and out of their legs like cats, shifting them back and forth, snatching cookies and going back towards the table to finish them off, which makes her giggle. ‘What a sound,’ he thought.

Briefly stunned again, she presses through the small kitchen to ready a bottle for Kira, handing it to him to bring out to them. A moment later she’s loading the dishwasher and readying the sink. “Shower time boys. Anthony you’re first.” 

Their upstairs winds inward towards the middle of the house half way up the stairs, which gives way to a landing, the boy’s room immediately to the right of the stairs, Kira’s room in the corner, followed by the bathroom in the front of the stairs and around the bend is the master suite with a bathroom tucked inside. The boys both go running up to the showers in both rooms until Rey called Kenny back down to her. Their distance muffle the conversation and leaves Kenny sitting in the living room waiting for his turn.

Eventually after everyone is showered and ready for bed. He watches as Rey disappears into a room closing the door. Oddly reminiscent of what his mind keeps doing to their connection. ‘This is the longest four hours of my life. The kids have not calmed down, in fact they’re crazier than before. How does anyone handle being a nanny? I’m not a nanny? What would a man be called? A manny? This is redicu—oh my God’ she’s changed for bed. Kylo slips into the bathroom quickly locking it behind him, trying desperately not to release any sounds or thoughts for that matter.

Blinking rapidly as if he was trying to dislodge the image of the kids’ mother before him in her little white tank top and red and black flannel pajama pants, with a tight hold on fuzzy socks. Knocking gently on the door, she asks for him by name to let her have Kira. “You don’t need to potty with her.” 

Both Anthony and Kenny howl with laughter, ease-dropping from their room. ‘Oh yeah.. the baby, damnit.’ Kylo opens the door, “uh.”

“It’s ok.” Rey takes her from his hold, “after, find us in the boys room for story time,” Kira pulls at her shirt and snuggles in pushing one curled arm down into it. Again trying to speak and not getting a word out, he nods and bows back into it. 

Rey’s voice is heard reading a story of their choosing, ‘Green Eggs and Ham.’ Kylo washes his face and towels off. Gently treading into the doorway, she reaches out her hand, patting a spot for him on the bed. Listening to her read to them in all of her playful voices, he smiles for the first time in God only knows how many years. The more he does the easier Kenny is to rest his head against his shoulder, finally able to relax. 

Anthony pleads for another story, and Kylo obliges. Offering either a book, or a story about when he lead the Knights of Ren. Both boys perked right up. 

“The Knights of Ren?” They squealed waking Kira. 

“You commanded the Knight of Ren?” Anthony’s face materialized in his face within seconds. 

“Yes.” Both boys sat back in their beds waiting for the story promising to sleep after. He begins by telling them that he joined the army right after graduation, continued through battle after battle when he finally reunited with old friends who would become their elite squad, forming the knights of Ren. “Can you keep a secret?” The boys nod fiercely. “You can’t tell anyone, ever...” their eyes widen nearly popping from their heads, “Your neighbor Mr. Dameron is also a Knight.”

The boys howl, “NO WAY!!” And are hushed by Rey who tries calming Kira yet again. 

“Alright. That’s enough now. Kira needs quiet, so it’s time for you both to go to bed.” Rey sets on the star lantern night light casting glowing stars all over their room, before guiding Kylo out into Kira’s. 

A bed is next to her crib, set up with the most pillows he’s seen in one place. Rey guides him to it, having him sit elevated while coaxing her to sleep. She teaches him how to hold Kira for bed time too, “once she passes out, carefully support her neck and hips while you lower her into her bed.”

It takes him a solid half hour for Kira to calm down and pass out, but it happens. Rey speaks softly to him asking him to transfer Kira to her bed, but he doesn’t respond. Rey rounds the bed, trying to wake him gently, a breath of a whisper would call to him, “Kylo” his mind began to sing. Waking with a jolt finding Rey’s fingers softly moving through his hair to his ear, pinning her where she looms over him with eyes full of panic and desire. 

“You fell asleep. I need you to move Kira.”

‘Of course. That’s. Yes. That’s why you were—‘ “oh ok.” He motions to do as he’s told. Lowering her enough until her body curled up into the mattress below. ‘Success,’ he thought.

“Good job,” she whispers motioning him back downstairs, holding up the monitor. As they go he can’t help but want to know everything. “It’s well past seven, almost eight.” She says. “If you have other things you need to do.. you can..go...”

He must have failed to keep something in, drunk entirely off of the way she’s looking at him. She’s so close now he can feel her breath dragging from his warmth and close to panting out. Her lips are soft, unhurriedly trying out his own, deepening with every moment, their kiss is all of maybe a couple minutes, light and testing when Kylo hears someone come in. He pulls back fast, releasing a squeak from her lips and a desirable fleck of her tongue on his, leaving her to wonder why they’ve broken off. ‘Fuck.’

Finn comes in greeting Rey and shaking Kylo’s hand. “So? How was your first afternoon?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo learns more about Rey. :)

‘I’m such an idiot.’ Stressing the word idiot through gritted teeth, ‘How could I let this happen. She’s married? Or a mother of three? And I fucking kissed her.’ The rage within him though, isn’t rage at all. Coursing through him is a beautiful array of hormones he hasn’t felt since he was a teenager. Back when life was new. Everything he thought was dead became rejuvenated in that satisfaction of their brief connection. He’d felt different now. Alive. Whole...but then...utter emptiness radiated through him. Crushing him like a ton of bricks when she turned from him at his sudden separation. Her face. Her face alight with joy, fell, almost greyed into regret. ‘What did she see?’ He sighs, ‘what did I do?’

Finn came in and his ears started ringing as if and airdrop has come through bombing the line they stood on. He can’t fathom how sweetly she’d kissed him and then seconds later accepted a kiss on the cheek from Finn. The day’s events came crashing through him and he started to feel weak. Opting to sit down on the stairs he holds his head in his hands. 

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Finn laughs. “Rey was here.” As if she wasn’t the reason for his reaction. 

Rey puts up a finger silencing him. He can hear her move to the kitchen retrieving something and then pads back to Kylo. Her pajama pants stand before him where he can see past his fingers, and the dire need to pull them off of her surges back through his mind causing another groan. 

He watches her bend until she kneels in front of him, giving him ample time to check her out, but in some way he doesn’t think that’s why. She’d done the same at the office with Anthony. ‘She’s meeting my eye level to give me something I need. Like a child. I am not a child! This is just too much,’ he wants to yell. ‘I wish I could excuse myself, and run from this strange little set up here...but I can’t. All I can do is watch her,’

“Here. This will help you feel better.” Offering him a hard candy and a water, “water first, then suck on this until it’s gone. Your blood sugar must have dropped.“ she added. 

‘I’ll tell you what else could drop...’ clearing his throat, he accepts what she gives him, trying really hard to get past these next couple minutes. 

Rey stands explaining the day and Finn gets upset at the fighting. “You will not tell me no. Your kids represent themselves every day...”

‘Your kids? Not our?’ 

“They’re able to protect themselves. And others. Anthony—“ she presses her lips together and drops her head back looking to the ceiling, “I’m so proud of him. He really did the right thing today.”

Finn hasn’t even removed his jacket yet while Rey explains all of the accounts of the evening. 

Kylo downs the water and fidgets with the candy wrapper, pulling at it slowly. He can’t remember the last time he had a piece and wanted to savor it because it came from her. He listened on since there was no escape from this. Rey stopped the story right up to before they kissed, and he watches as her eyes flutter closed for a moment, sucking in her bottom lip as if to try to taste him again, giving so many signs of want, he has to look away.

“Did you see Rose?” Rey asks. “I didn’t get a call...”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m late,” he finally removes his jacket and moves toward the living room. “She’s ok...’Cursing in her sleep.”

Rey bubbles with laughter. 

“Yeah.” He beams, “doctors said probably two more weeks. But that would still mean a preemie,” he rubs his face in his hands. 

“Well, she’s in the best care now.” At his worried nod, Rey brings him in for a hug, cradling the back of his head, making Kylo want to throw up. “She’s safe. Your baby is safe... it’s going to be fine. You have all the best people working on it.” Finn shifts releasing her. 

“Thanks Rey. It’s just hard watching her go through that.”

“But she’s alright. Besides, you’ll have four then... which by the time the youngest is five, you could have the start of a pretty awesome karate flick. Rose could play the sensei...” he barks a laugh he’s sure to have needed all year, sure enough, waking the baby. “You’re on that. I’m going home.” She laughs, extending herself to Kylo’s shoulder, “see you Monday?”

Kylo wants to shake his head but nods once. She seems to leave in a hurry down the hallway for her shoes. He wonders idly what the hurry is, remembering the baby crying Kylo goes to get up and follow suit. 

Finn asks him to wait so he can pay him for today. Handing him a wad, “usually I do this over a banking app but I figured maybe you didn’t have that yet, at least I assume, from what Poe told me.” Kylo shakes his hand, silently nodding at him and he continues, “Maybe Rey can show you how to set that up on Monday.” 

“Ok. Thank you.” He mutters not sure of what else to say.

———

Back at Dameron’s, Kylo tosses his wallet on the table next to the bed. He wonders for a minute why he’s down in the mud room remembering Poe’s work out equipment, office, and his overflowing garage he can barely park in. ‘How does he have so much shit?’ Tightening his arms around the pillow, ‘probably Kaydel. She’s a fan of seasonal napkins for God’s sake.’ 

Plopping his face into the rounded groove his arms had made in his pillow, his memories begin to take control, but it’s short lived. Poe materializes by the doorway asking how it went, loudly. “Hey buddy?” 

A ‘not now Dameron’ grunt comes from Kylo. 

“Come on. It’s Friday. Let’s grab a cold one and you can tell me how it went.”

Against his better judgement, he sighs thinking maybe he does need that beer. They take one from the fridge, and going out to sit at his patio, joining Kaydel by the fire pit. Everything about talking to Kaydel about today makes his skin prickle. Dameron, a little less so, but not her. Gingerly, for a usually brash man, Kylo sits carefully next to her. The glow from the fire itself makes her look satanic, like she already knows. ‘She’s a woman, of course she knows,’ his conscience threw at him. 

“So tell us,” Dameron plops down, “what happened today to make the ‘Great Kylo Ren’ a scared little shit.” Poe laughs like a school boy. 

“It has to be Rey,” Kaydel teases, prodding him a little more. “She gorgeous isn’t she?”

Kylo drops his head back. “Oho! So it’s not really the job — you like her.”

“Shut up Poe!” 

“It’s ok to like her. She’s single.” Poe verifies a lead. 

“No it’s not. She’s a mom.” He says icily.

The chattering between Kaydel and Poe goes silent. “Do you want to tell him? Or should I?” Asks Poe to Kaydel. His eyes alight with mirth. 

“What? Tell me what?”

“I’d let him squirm, baby.” Kaydel says ready to use it as retaliation for the mess she’s had to deal with all year.

“That’s mean Kay.” He laughs. Poe licks his chapped lips so he can smile wider, “put down your beer, man.” Kylo does. “She’s the nanny. Rose is the kids’ mom and Finn’s wife.”

The news has him crashing hard, explaining the day like flowing water through a rivers’ current. It’s honestly the most either of them have heard him speak. “I heard about that,” said Kaydel stopping Kylo, “I come home around the same time kids start walking home. I kid you not, even older kids were talking about how Anthony fought.” She takes a swig continuing with, “It’s no surprise either. Rey’s their sensei... ‘been teaching them since they were two-Well Anthony was four. Kenny was two. I wonder when she’ll start with KiKi.” 

Kylo just looks at her with his, ‘anything else you want to share,’ look. 

“You know... it’s ok to ask people for information,” she adds. Kylo takes it as a slap in the face but nods anyway. The fire is warm and inviting, soothing him from his stress like a shower would, but not quite. Now he had to deal with explaining to Rey what he thought and why he jumped away from her. Deep in thought about how he’d even bring it up, Poe tries gaining his attention again.

“Did Finn say anything about Rose?” Asks Poe. “Still in the hospital?” He nods at Dameron. “You know she’s been in there for like a month so far...” his comment insinuating that he’s doing more than just watching a handful of kids by doing this for Finn. 

“They said maybe another couple weeks, but the baby would still be premature,” taking another swig.

“Shit.” Poe finishes his off, explaining how Rose seemed to have one earlier each time after Anthony, “it’s a miracle Finn isn’t completely grey by now. I told him to get a puppy next time.” He laughs. “A nice little fur baby.”

They continue to converse between the two of them while Kaydel types away on her phone. The blue glow was an indication that she just didn’t care about it anymore. Motioning to stand, and making her way towards the door, she gives Poe a kiss telling him she’s off to see Rey. Poe smirks wildly watching his buddy’s face almost explode with mortification. “We’re going shopping- don’t worry she’s driving.” Kaydel finishes the rest of her bottle.

“Get me something?” Poe asks.

“Jerky?”

“You know me so well.” Their public display has Kylo up from his seat and walking away into the darkness of the shared lawn.

He groans inwardly about the whole thing, ‘what did I even say to her to get her to kiss me?...’ blankly starring off into space. ‘Why can’t I remember that?’ His mind still incredibly blank. Kylo tries conjuring thoughts that trail into the afternoon when he first started noticing indications that may have suggested maybe she wasn’t their mom. ‘But she was so territorial of them.’ He thought. ‘What kind of Nanny is like that?’

He thinks about how she lives next door, ‘would that be 38 or 42?’ Becoming aware that she only shared a few things, not enough to say she was chasing him, even though he sure felt that way. He’d recoiled from her all day long. ‘It’s no wonder she looked at me like that when I backed off.’ He groans again. 

A garage door opening and then closing has him wondering if that’s her. He turns to see Poe on his own with two new bottles in hand, nodding at him to sit. The chill of the night has him leaning in closer to the fire, certainly lighting his features well enough to show a passerby he was there. A black truck roars up the hill, with what he presumes to be Poe’s wife’s hand waving as they drive off into the night. ‘What do the need a truck for at this time of night?’

Poe clears his throat telling him they’re going to the grocery store.

“At 9pm?”

“Walmart is open 24 hours out here.” He pauses for a sip, “really helps for pregnant women and people that work the night shifts like nursing staff at the hospital and so on.”

Kylo picks at the evening kindle. The bubbling wood keeping the gears in his mind working. “Did Kaydel say what they were getting?” ‘What couldn’t wait until tomorrow?’ 

“Oh, well no but she does a lot for the Wounded Warrior project. Every year she gets involved—has the kids make something for them. Usually food.”

‘Explains the truck.’ He thinks. “How’d she get involved?” He asks still picking at the fire, oblivious to Poe’s falling face.

“You might want to hear that from her. I’m not at liberty to... I can’t.”

“What’s so bad you can’t just tell me?” He leans back into his seat. 

Poe slowly shakes his head. “I-I don’t. I can’t.” He stairs off into the fire. Poe remembers the day he returned he’d been at one of those gatherings, just to give back and help out. Kaydel was big on keeping him grounded. Wanting him to have connections here on the Homefront that would first result in him not feeling the reason to leave her again for another tour. And second? Well, second was to give back to soldiers who served, which is when he met her. She’d been dressed nicely in some pretty white dress covered in rhinestones, and heels listening to stories from soldier’s pasts, offering them a dance as if they were just as capable as any other male in the room. Her patience was luring. It didn’t help Poe’s judgement any that she looked like a beauty queen, though. 

At first that was what Poe had labeled her as. Some showy girl looking to pose for photos and give her time only to which ever photographer was on that night. Poe had no problem calling her out on it either. That was dumb. Honestly the first time he choked on his words in front of a pretty girl. 

Kylo breaks his concentration, “Dameron. Don’t make me command you.”

Poe looks up from his thoughts. “Command me all you want. We’re on home soil, and I’m not active—and neither are you, Mr. Purple Heart.” Annoyed that Kylo had even tried that shit, “there are some things you need to ask your source directly about,” he blows a frustrated puff from his nostrils.

Silence between them stretches like a rubber band ready to snap at one or the other. Kylo had been known to loose his shit first. The days when Dameron joined after his squadron left him for new horizons, Poe knew a very different man. Losing Andrew and Armitage nearly broke him. ‘We’re all broken,’ he remembers a private saying on his first day in the field, ‘but being broken isn’t the end, it’s how we find out what we’re really made of.’ Kylo closed his eyes and shook his head with frustration and releasing a strangled giggle, Dameron knew all to well. “You can tell me just about everything. Tell me when I’m wrong. Tell me when I’ve fucked up. Tell me when I don’t know what I’m doing... but when I ask you directly what happened to that girl, you can’t tell me. ‘You’re not at liberty to say it.’”

Poe looks angered now, his brow coming in, bent solidly down, unmoving. “No. I can’t. I’m not holding secrets, but I can tell you who to ask. Give me your phone.” Kylo doesn’t. Encouraging Poe to put down his beer and take it. A slight scuffle later, and Poe is victorious, clutching the phone into his chest, laying somewhat hunched in the grass. “There asshole.”

Kylo looks down at the screen, “you messaged her?!” His eyes wild from embarrassment, ready to kill. 

“Just wait. Ok? You know. Pretend she’s command?”

Silence stretches over the two, again. Looking down he actually reads the message Poe sent:

[Kylo]

Poe told me you work with Wounded Warrior. How’d you get involved?

‘There’s dots,’ he thinks. ‘Dots are good right?’

His phone eventually chimes.

[Nanny] 

Who is this? And how did you get this number?

Kylo groans.

Poe gets up to go in, “You’re welcome.”

 [Kylo]

Kylo. Finn gave it to me.

[Message Failure] 

———

It’s an odd time of night for him to be sitting out on the stoop, but with no other options, his body too restless to sleep, he sits and waits for her to come back. The wind picks up and a storm blows in. Lightly sprinkling at first, giving way to larger drops fall steadily and even faster still giving way to a solid wall of flowing rain. Her truck’s engine growls down the hill in the darkness of the night sounding more like an animal stalking prey.

He watches as the garage door opens, ‘38’ He tattoos into his mind. She leaves the garage door open, unsure as to why. He watches on as Kaydel gets out of the truck with her bag of Poe’s jerky. Rey parks, quieted the engine, and emerges form the driver’s side. His eyes are fixated on her, more so than he had the last few months. He wonders for a moment why she got her pajamas on in the first place, especially if she was back to jeans and a sweatshirt. Kylo watches as she rounded the back of the truck, lowering the tailgate, retrieving large containers that she leaned into to tug at. 

He could hear himself almost chant that he should go ask if needed help, over and over until he finally did. Being caught by huge pellets of quarter sized rain drops, he’d soon been soaked in the downpour, just by carefully crossing the street, unsure of whether or not he was wanted in this space. His body freezing to the core, he shook when her eyes locked again with hers. “Can I help...you?” His voice squeaked in betrayal “I saw the load, and thought I should ask.” He says nervously.

At Rey’s nod he enters the garage, sopping wet. “You’re going to freeze” she says matter of factly. “Why don’t you go take a hot shower? Throw your clothes down and I’ll put them in the drier.”

“No but I...”

“There are no sick days when you watch children.” She cut him off watching his body give way to another shiver. “Go on.”

He blinks at her, entering her house, headed for the upstairs, leaving soaking foot prints into her floor. Unlike Finn’s, her decorations are pretty much bare, not that he was interested in the kitchen yet, but not even the walls were decorated with the children’s artwork. She had a worn out sofa that could have very well been bought from a friend of a friend or found at the side of the road. A standing lamp in the corner, and a medium sized box tv with a small table under it. A deep brown ikea desk where the kid’s dining room table was with a laptop and a lamp next to it. There was a cup of pens and some strange pad of sorts next to it too. He looked all about for a chair but realized there was a folding chair, folded on itself shoved under it. Even upstairs was bare. She had the same three rooms Finn did, but they were empty, like she could leave at any moment. It was haunting. Finding the bathroom Kylo began to disrobe, carefully balling everything together before dropping it and his shoes to the landing below. 

It felt strange being there, within her home, being commanded around, now in her bathroom, for specifically his care. He’d done as she asked, raising his temperature, sure to have used almost all of the hot water before shutting it off. In the quiet patter of droplets that now rain down from the shower head he hears Kaydel yell up the stairs telling him to dry his hair. “Hair drier is under the sink.” ‘She can’t be serious. I’m not doing that.’

Pulling the curtain back he finds a towel, drying off completely and then wondering what he was going to do for clothes. He couldn’t have been longer than ten minutes he thought. But he had. His clothes had been neatly stacked over his shoes as they would be if they were just issued to him. ‘Strange,’ he thought.

Changed and warm again he manages heading back down stairs with his towel, looking to put it in the wash. Back in the garage he sees the containers stacked, wondering what’s in them. His attention goes out into the rain, Rey’s walked Kaydel home with a huge green umbrella, making sure she got in safe. A hand goes up and she’s off the stoop with a “thank you, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He watches as her arm falls from her wave, swinging generously trying to get in from the rain. Once inside the garage, she lowers her umbrella, folding it in on itself, shooting up a spray of cold droplets. She taps it to the side and leans it against a wall. Her hand finds the garage door switch, lowering that too. “The contents in the blue container can go in the freezer behind you.” ‘Not hi. Or how do you feel? Like before...just a command? Sort of a command?’ Taken back by it he couldn’t honestly remember why he willed himself over aside from being in her presence. “If you’re going to help, help. If not go home.” She opens the blue container pulling loads of bacon, ground meat of various kinds, sausage, pie crusts and ice cream. He’s confused as to how this stuff goes together, but not wanting to jeopardize this, he complies. 

They work in silence moving the items into the freezer. “The eggs can go in my refrigerator in the house,” she said opening the grey one, “everything else can stay.” Kylo grabs several dozens and Rey handles the rest. He sees that she had neatly packed a shelf with baking butter like it had been the grocery store, giving way to juice boxes, presumably for the kids, a half container of milk, and a few golden apples in the door. 

‘Who puts apples in the fridge?’ He wonders. Holding the door open for Rey to set her stack down, he thanks her. 

“For what?” She huffs, still Obviously singed from this evening.

Kylo, not being one to be great with his words, or timing, or breathing for that matter around anything that wasn’t a full grown man said, “for everything.”

This gains him a sideways stare, as if she was trying to process what ‘everything’ could possibly mean. “I beg my pardon, but you’ll have to elaborate. I don’t exactly understand what ‘everything’ means.”

‘Ugh. I picked ‘everything’ so I didn’t have to try to say it.’ He grimaced. “Well,” he crossed his arms, releasing the door since she’d finished, “for training today. Staying patient with me. Um,” his mind surges to their kiss wanting almost to fall to his knees for that again. “And um, the shower...and letting me help you.”

She nods, “your welcome.” Then adds, “coffee?” 

He was sure she’d kick him out, but she didn’t. Boldly, Kylo thought maybe this was just as good of a time as ever to try to kiss her again. On his lean, she raised her hand to stop him, planting her closed fingers onto his lips, making his eyelids fly up in panic. “I-“ he swallows, “I’m, sorry—“

“Not after before. That hurt Kylo. I really don’t need to be drawn in and shoved out like some yo-yo,” she said starting the coffee machine. 

Making some strange noise out of exasperation, and what? Self destruction? He said, “I was confused. I didn’t know...”

“Didn’t know what? The basic laws of attraction?” She turns to face him, “I’m not blind Kylo. You watch me all the time. Like I’m your mission.” She let’s it fall like the pounding rain. “Now your my relief. I’m training you, and you can’t seem to take a hint—“

Embarrassed to say it, it come out like a battering ram, “I didn’t know you were the nanny! Ok?! I thought... I thought...”

“That I’d been some floozy?” She nods. “I think you should go.”

“No I —please.” He reaches for her hands. They feel so warm and comforting. Even being so small compared to his. He marveled down at them, mostly that she hadn’t jerked away. 

“When did you figure it out?”

“I didn’t. Kaydel pretty much told me I was an idiot. And Poe had a good laugh,” his cheeks burned crimson. 

Her lips pressed into a firm line, probably at his confusion, prompting him to speak up.

“I’ve never known a nanny to fight for kids that were unrelated..to them.”

“Kids need someone in their corner.” She said flatly, offering him a seat at her tiny card table. “They need to know that they’re unwavering. They have to know they can trust you, because kids are smart. They can smell bullshit from miles away.”

He nods holding his mug, “how long have you been with them?”

“Anthony was four. But I’ve known Finn and Rose a long time.” She sips hers. Kylo files this away. “Relationships take time. Trust... that takes time too.” She says, talking about the kids but he’s sure it’s for them too. 

“Ok. What, what’s all this for? The food that is.” His eyes briefly leaving hers. 

“Talkative tonight are you?” 

Startled by the reaction to his interest, Kylo clears his throat. “It’s for the Thanksgiving Dinner the Wounded Warrior Project holds every year.” She gives nothing more. 

“How did you get involved?” Really wanting to ask her what her story was. This seemed like the safer way to go.

“It’s the right thing to do.” She braces her hands around her mug, thumbing the mouth.

“Yes but why? What’s you’re reason?”

She clears her throat loudly, unladylike, and sniffs, “I served. Did a tour in Iraq. Got hurt, and was sent home.” She shakes her head. 

“I did too.”

“I didn’t think you were lying.” She waves over his general marks. 

“But you don’t have a mark on you...”

“Not all marks are surface related.”

“What happened?”

“Suicide bomber. Blew the front of the truck off. Lost two. Pinned me. Was only a month in. Told they were going to have to amputate my left leg at the knee...I had lost a lot of blood apparently. Some how they saved it. Here I am with both legs - while others have less. “

He nods at the thought. “But you’re well now, aren’t you?”

“If you classify being able to stand on my own, yes, but there are still injuries I deal with. Like twenty minutes into my run, my left leg goes numb from my knee down. It doesn’t matter if I’m packing weights or not. Nerve damage they called it.”

A buzzer sounds on her phone as a reminder. 

“Listen, this was nice, but I have to kick you out.”

“Why?”

“I have a meeting in ten minutes.”

“It’s 11pm.”

“Not in China.”

Kylo nods. 

“Business.” She adds, “until I can get into a storefront, I won’t be able to keep it American made. There’s not enough time to explain this tonight.”

“Ok.” Thanking her for the coffee, Kylo goes to stand, “I’ll see you, tomorrow?”

Rey nods, “Monday.” 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” 

“Kylo, I’ll see you Monday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of my work is inspired by music that I’ll be adding to notes for each, but this one had been done in silence until this chapter. Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down helped this one along. 
> 
> As always thanks for reading <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaydel picks a fight with Kylo, pushing Poe to regret something he asked, sending Kylo off for a walk to clear his mind. Clarity from it is more than he could have imagined.

Saturday seemed to drag on. Kylo tried doing his usual thing. It didn’t seem as comfortable to sit at the stoop after Rey had called him out, knowing his motives for being there. He found himself in the house for most of it, going absolutely stir crazy. Sitting in the backyard was distracting, watching kids play with leaf piles, rolling down the hill above them and then jumping off the rock wall into an even bigger pile. They stayed out as long as he did, getting up only a few times to either eat or pee. 

Poe kept away from him since their scuffle, reviewing again in his own mind what he’d been like back then after a fight. Last night was no fight. Fights for Kylo would go so much further, usually starting with spilt blood and ending in one collapsed on the floor. After the loss of his friends, Kylo knew he should restrain himself with Dameron, even being thoroughly embarrassed by him, and somehow Poe knew.

It wasn’t until the late afternoon when Kaydel pressed through looking for every spare pot in the house that anything came up about last night. “Heard you two had a pissing match.” Talking about their fight. Kylo flipped her the bird and walked back outside to start a fire. 

“Oh! I don’t think so! You live in our house...” she chased him outside. 

“Stop.” Kylo said once. 

“No,” she glared at him, “you need to get your shit together. Fighting and making us ALL uncomfortable because you can’t talk to a girl who gave you all the goddamned signs she was interested is not anyone’s fault but yours! Do not touch him again or you can find your own damned place.”

Poe moves to quiet her, “You’re outside. Calm down.”

“Got your girl fighting your battles for you?” Kylo taunted. 

Poe groans. The next thing he tries to hold back falls out of his mouth like vomit. “Do you want to be here or not?”

Cutting to the chase, “What are you implying? I should go?” He asks slowly. Careful with each syllable. A standoff brewing between the two as Kylo gets up from his chair. “Is that it?” 

Dameron’s pesky little fire starter shoves her finger into Kylo’s chest, “stop falling back on old successes.” She pokes into him again, “figure yourself out Kylo. The world won’t wait for you. You need to get up and get it yourself.” Admirably she fought the need to slap his scowl hard off his face, “until you do, expect utter shit from me.”

Honestly he never expected anything less. She was keen of storing energy to explode on a dime with. Her sideways stair could kill, similar to Bazine. Idly he wondered if they were related in some way. His sneer made her eyes turn to slits, “this isn’t winning you any prizes,” she spat. Stalking off because hitting a woman was improper, Kylo pushed through the back door. He grabbed his wallet and stormed off for a walk.

Kaydel’s gaze pierced into the back of his skull while she followed his figure out.

——-

Not really knowing much more than Dameron’s stoop and the grocery store in the opposite direction by the elementary school, Kylo tried going to the right instead. His walk had him headed down the hill in the development, finding a circle that opened up into a park. Women with jogging strollers and small children flooded the path. He managed through it, finding walking trails coded by color after passing a large wooden playground filled with laughter. The trails were marked by a board that explained mileage and elevation. Blue being the ‘waterfall trail’, yellow being labeled ‘high peak’ and red being ‘lower lake.’ Figuring he hadn’t had time for all of them before the sun set, he picked the red trail. 

He soon found that the lower lake didn’t actually mean that he’d be going down hill. Instead he remained on flat ground breaking way to gravel on the main path that conjoined all three until their split. The lake itself was murky with fallen leaves from years past. So dark that the sky mirrored perfectly off of the surface. It had stretched into the clearing for what looked like a couple miles. The opening from the trees and over growth past the lake itself was a wall of trees which had lost most of their leaves keeping all but brown and some gold on sparse limbs, leading high into the sky into an obvious mountain range. ‘Huh’ he huffed to himself.

As he ventured further he had watched dogs play off leash, running after balls or sticks into the water, while other owners would almost beg their canine not to. Joggers and fancier strollers with three wheels came through passing his saunter which was unnerving. He could hear their feet pounding behind him or the tell tale sounds of moving a carriage, but not knowing their direction before they did would put him off from the middle of the trail where he found he preferred walking, to the side. The sound of light traffic had him looking for where the noise had been coming from. Following his ear, now positioned in the worst part of the trail, he walked along side it until the path gave way to a worn pine needle layered, but still obvious, path. Curious, he began to follow it. With no markers, he kept checking back to make sure he could still find the red path from where he was. It wasn’t far until he’d found another opening, giving way to a rock wall fenced cemetery. It had obviously still been in use, finding home made decorations, flowers and stones atop gravestones. 

Kylo wondered what the significance of the stones were, figuring it had to be something because even plates had them. Scanning the lot, he found Rey sitting on the ground by a name plate. Keeping his distance he noticed a change in the way she was speaking to it. Rey changed from English to Vietnamese without a second thought. ‘She saw me.’ He freezes. 

He watches on as she speaks to her lost one, her shaking hand drawing downward, “tôi nhớ bạn” she cries through a mucus bubble, “nó phải là tôi” again she repeats herself pitifully, as if it could change. As if it could bring the person back. Tears stream down her face as she bends to place her forehead to the name on it. A terrible sob rips through the atmosphere, “nó phải là tôi....it should have been me...” She lingers.

Rey slowly sits up, wiping the tears that caught themselves in here eyelashes, telling her friend she got her her favorite, pressing a single orange tipped, yellow rose into the in ground vase’s spike. She sits unmoving with downward cast eyes 

Kylo’s legs begin to give out as he moves to kneel at the wall remembering his friends. The thought of visiting them after death, never occurred to him. He could always see them. Andrew had been sent back to Indiana, and Armitage never really left the war zone. He hadn’t known he needed this release until he saw Rey in a very vulnerable place. He’d been fighting it. Letting it build for far too long that once released he’d met the uneven wall hard. Collapsing on himself, he sobbed. A true, awful cry, no man should have to bare. 

His memories of Andrew lightened with each draining tear. Armitage, always the voice of untiring reason and quick wit, was able to smile before evaporating into nothing. As the sobbing ceased he lightly hyperventilated into the shadows his hunched body had made. His skin prickled into goosebumps that shuddered all the way through his body. 

Feeling a gentle touch, he tried to present himself as if he hadn’t been crying to whoever that reached out to him. His lips bouncing back and forth from a steady straight line to both a frown and a deepening frown. His eyes still down cast, he tries to speak but couldn’t.

“Let it out, Kylo,” she says with warmth. His eyes brim when he sees she hadn’t left, instead had come to him to help him through his pain. Hot, wet tears refresh their lines, as she comes down to his level to hug him. “Who did you lose?”

Struggling to make a sound, he says their names. 

“Who were they to you?” She steadies another shudder, holding his shoulders with hooked arms, pressed into her, while his head drooped over her left shoulder. He explains their importance to him. “Andrew, I knew since I was a baby. We just knew each other like we were the other’s shadow. Armitage, we met soon after in public school. He always had something to say that would get the other kids laughing. He could get us in trouble at a wink, but we were like family.” His voice betrays him, going on to explain, “even after we graduated, somehow we stayed within each other’s company. Growing in ranks—“The Knights of Ren...” that was a joke Armitage made up, not liking to be commanded by me.” He huffs a slight laugh. “They both died during our second tour,” he explained, “I couldn’t... save... either of them.”

His hyperventilating body jerked constantly. The last thing he hears her say is “make them matter.” Giving him another tight squeeze, she plays with his hair, giving him a flashback of when his mother used to when he had nightmares as a kid. Uncontrollably letting out a yawn he thanks her for this. 

“You’re welcome. You looked like you needed help finding your peace.” She said pulling away from him. “We should go. Sun’s going down.” Standing now, she waits for him to stand too, bracing him with care around his back, while his arm falls loosely over her shoulder. They walk as one as if she’d pulled him from the wreckage of his past. 

Moving through the graveyard he briefly spies the placement of her flower, and then walk around the bend to the parking lot. Kylo looks around in the fog of the release of his memories, still hazy through his vision. Rey hadn’t made him do anything by himself. ‘She must know how debilitating it is— of course she does,’ he clears his throat, “Are you ok too?” He croaked. 

Her eyes closed and opened slowly, calming the burning rims of her eyelids for just a moment. She nods, unsure if she can speak at the moment. Depleted, she asks if he’s hungry, starting the truck at his nod. “Burger?”

They agree on a burger place each getting a variation of a one as comfort food. After they’d both eaten, Rey still had felt weak, sucking in yawn after yawn, “I’m going to go to bed. You’re welcome to stay. Bed’s upstairs. No funny business.” Her eyes roll around as if she’d been drinking, throwing the garbage away. 

‘Was I just invited upstairs with her?’ He’s slow to stand, but follows her giving her space. His eyes sore from his release tried darting around to find any reason her invitation could be false. Leaving her door wide open she moved through it sitting on the other side of a tan covered bedspread, looking very much like sand, as if she never truly left the war. He noted this wanting to know her favorite color to help change this for her. ‘It can’t be healthy to go back like this.’ 

Her bed must be the only thing she spent money on. Large enough to support the two of them, she rounded it, sitting in what presumably was her side. Gathering a pillow she uses mostly her upper body to lay down, curling tightly up onto herself. ‘She’s not done yet.’ His eyes widen. Knowing surely she stopped her grieving to show him compassion, he climbs in carefully by her side. Kylo tries her words.

A sniffle breaks her silence. “Paige Tico, Rose’s sister.” He lowers his hand from where it hovers by her side, nonverbally asking if he can comfort her. With slight hesitation he does and is accepted, a sob passes through her at his connection. “She was in my squad. I was supposed to lead—drive that day. But Paige complained she wanted to saying ‘she just fixed the truck, and wanted to see how she handled.’ The mine field had been cleared the day before and we were in alliance territory. I weighed everything. We weren’t safe though. If we weren’t home, safety wasn’t something I could toss around so easily. Sure enough, about five minutes up the road was awfully quiet,” she chokes a sob, yawns and blinks forcibly as if she’s lost control of her body. “You could hear the sand drift, its’ calm was a trap. A crappy little blue sedan came out of nowhere, slamming into the front of the truck.” She strangles gag, “I can still see her face engulfed in the spray of metal, glass and cocoon of fire. It should have been me... Rose would still have her sister. She was all she had left.” Kylo watches as her tears pool in the corner of her eye while she rests on her side, steadily getting deeper as others cascade from her right into the pillow below.

“Let it out, Rey. I’m here...” at her release, he assures her, “you’re not alone.” Crying that much harder, Kylo pulls her in. Flush to the warmth of his body as symbol of protection. Her guard within her slowly lowering from her constant watch, falls to her knees. Armor she’s never been able to remove, fall from her like leaves in the wind. The weight noticeable in sound as they clang on the stone surrounding her protected heart. Rey’s embodiment of her soul, freed in those words. Now able to stand, open...utters a message of peace through her to him. “Neither are you.”

Rest found the both of them, as if they had not been privileged to have all this time. A wall of darkness settles itself over the houses, comforting them into a long slumber. Finally, deaf to sound, Kylo can’t hear his phone ring for hours, and neither does Rey. The sound, is unlike a child’s whine, not training herself to hear it, listens to Kylo’s heavy, deep breaths behind her instead.

Into the night Rey wakes to a series of banging knocks on her door. They pause and start up again, leading her towards one of the bedrooms facing the street. Her brow furrows seeing red and blue police lights swirling the room. “Kylo?” She calls behind her, he answers with a snore. Rey looks down out the window for a brief second before hammering her feet into her room. Physically trying to move him to wake him before going down to open the door. Police bashed it in, noting a truck was in the garage, Kaydel’s screech woke him fast. Hearing her yell at the officer when she had the key with her. 

“Ugh... what happened now?” Turning his head to face Rey’s worrying over him. “Why are you up?”

“There are police outside Poe’s house,” an officer makes it up her stairs questioning her name. Her eyes widen that there’s someone else in her house.

“We’re looking for someone named ‘Kylo Ren.’” The Officer said. Kylo raises his hand still laying in her bed. The officer radios down, “we’ve got him.”

“Is there a problem officer?” Rey asks carefully. 

“Not anymore ma’am. Mrs. Dameron called him in as a missing person after an argument with no return this evening.” Looking back at Kylo, “next time don’t silence your phone.” He goes to turn back down the stairs. “You might want to fix your door too.”

“My door? Did you kick down my door?” Rey looks like she’s going to explode. 

“You didn’t answer it.” He says a matter of factly.

“Well the department can pay for damages then.” She blinks at him following him out. Kylo stands to follow her, this being his fault, offers to help her, stretching while he does. Hearing her grumble under her breath about the damage on a cold night, was amusing and he tried hard not to show it. Shoving through the garage door with a mouth full of curses, he watched her pull a screw gun off the wall, making quick work of disassembling the double layered door connecting her to her mirroring neighbor with such precision, Kylo wondered if this had happened to her before. 

She pulled it from the wall moving to go out the garage, Kylo took it from her with an unchallenging look. Rey searched his motives, giving way to letting him help. The pair made short work of the door, which proved as interesting to Kaydel to watch. Once finished, Kylo commented on how well they did, brushing at its flushness to the doorframe as a compliment. Rey smiles a small comforting one, her eyes heavy once again, she nods towards the threshold. Poe and Kaydel watch on as Kylo gives low wave, retreating back in with her.

——-

Sunday had been certainly quieter. Waking to Rey still asleep twisted his heart in knots now understanding more of her pain. How stupid he had been for being mad that Poe wouldn’t tell him. He was right. The weight any specific soldier bore was too much for anyone to speak on her behalf. Kylo really should have known this.

His limbs still felt heavy, sliding them over the mattress instead of lifting them made him feel weak. Kylo leaned down towards her to kiss her cheek, his eyelids heavy still he wills him out of the bed, headed then to her bathroom. He shakes slightly at the chill, muttering something along the lines of never feeling so connected to another that Rey’s eyes flew open. 

“Do you mean that?” Her voice still an obvious whisper. At his positive response, she asks him to come back. “Please.”

He does. Rey hasn’t a clue how long she’s needed this, but at his return she finds a comfort that opens her soul’s release. Kylo just holds her, while her body complains in unison, “You know, Paige wasn’t the last of Rose’s family...” he trails to give her time to process his words. “She still has the family she’s made with Finn, and you.” That. That was another token she most clearly needed. Kylo watches on as she shifts her body to support her gaze upon him. Her eyes ask millions of questions, “you are their family too, Rey.”

Carefully, as though he thought he’d been about to touch the sun, his draped arm supporting her at her back, traveled up her spine over the fabric of her shirt. Rey focused on him intently, slowly moving closer to him, runs her fingers through his hair. Her finger nails drawing attention to where they meet his skin, has him close his eyes involuntarily, reveling in how comfortable it makes him. Loved. Even if she’s not there yet, this act makes him feel like he’s never been more important to anyone. 

Her lean has changed, he can feel it in his side, but he can’t imagine anything right now that could be better. That is, until her lips meet his. He was sure he’d have to climb mountains for his misstep on Friday, but maybe they already had. Maybe they filled open graves. Maybe in setting those souls free, they set themselves free too. Her pressure changes from softly caressing his head to light tugging his hair, pulling him closer to her, gaining just the most exquisite mix of sensations. 

Kylo follows her lead, holding her securely to his torso with his left arm, remembering mildly to use his body while being paralyzed by his senses. Their kiss deepens at her sigh, which has him marveling in her responses to him when he’d poured the truth onto her. It must have been what spurred this Friday night. ‘But what in God’s name did I say?’

As she slowed a buzzing chime went off, catching her breath at the moment, she lets it ring in the background of their togetherness. “What’s that one for?” He asks mischievously.

“The boys- karate today. Half hour.” She smirks at him as if to say she’d be willing to give him more time. 

Message received.

———

Comfortably she nestled into his chest, making him feel like a king among kings. While they hadn’t succumbed to his darkest desires, he had laid happily beneath her, hoping she’d be just as giving in her information. “I want to know you,” he felt her smile, “you’re right you know...” drawing small circular patterns into her skin, “since I saw you... you became my mission.”

Kylo feels her huff a giggle, getting up to get ready for the boys, “you know...that’s a little hard to say since you thought I was married with children.” At the very comment making him groan. 

“Am I learning with you today?” he wisely changes the topic.

“Monday.” She says making a face.

“Afraid to be seen with me?” He folds his arms behind his head, cheekily.

“That’s hardly the case. I just think you need to have a talk with the Dameron’s. Kaydel wouldn’t have called the police if she wasn’t concerned...” she stops her motions pulling on a white karategi and tie her black belt ceremoniously around her waist. At his huff, she replies with, “I’m just saying, not all wars are fought on enemy territory.”

The line she cast dropped on him heavily as a reminder of his mother, when she was still around. Kylo grants her an, “Okay,” sounding much more capable to face Kaydel as a person instead of an angry terrier. “How long have you been a black belt?” Kylo watches her freeze wondering why she even would. 

“Since I was Anthony’s age. Six.” She coughs roughly. He watches her as she fights with something. 

Kylo stands retrieving his shirt, telling her whatever it was, she didn’t have to worry about anymore. 

But she did. Some things couldn’t be buried. Pulling up her hair, “you’ll drown in my past, Kylo.” He watches her grab her phone, “I only have the strength to go forward, not to pick from the carcass that came before serving.” He watches her body jerk at the thought. Moving toward her, he promises she can talk to him. Kylo wants her to be comfortable with him, ‘I’ll drown in her past?’ He lifts an eyebrow, ‘what does that even mean?’

“Another time Kylo.” At her release the get ready to leave, her for class, and him for Poe’s. 

Finn, surprised to see the both of them leave her house, lifts an eyebrow at Rey’s clouded, darkly ringed eyes. Motioning towards her, he asks if she’s ok and why Kylo was in her house. “Nothing weird, Finn.” She affirmed, “Kylo found me with Paige and offered a shoulder to cry on.” Finn nodded, pulling her in for a hug too, helping her feel like she was grounded. 

Rey asks him questions about Rose that Kylo can hear in the distance while returning to Dameron’s. He presses his key into the lock to open it and there they are in the kitchen’s tiny nook, having brunch. Feeling like an adolescent that had snuck out, Kylo grimaces while asking permission to even be in their house. 

Poe motions to extend coffee to his brother, apologizing for the other day. Kylo was sure he heard that wrong, owning up to being a broken man and not respecting life outside of the ranks. Using Rey’s insight, Kaydel thanked him for noticing, and offered room at the table. Kaydel even motioned herself to another chair towards the window, where she hated sitting because of the draft. On this thanks, she began with the questions, probing every little detail. 

Kylo turns to Poe thanking him for not telling him Rey’s story. “I was so mad at you that you wouldn’t... but seeing her on the cemetery... it was like we were called to each other’s side for more than that reason.” He explained. 

“So why are you back then?” Asks Poe. 

“She’s going with the boys to the park for training. ‘Said I’d be watching on Monday.’”

“They’re up in ranks and young for it. They need this time with her.” Kaydel says a matter of factly. “It’s not just punching the air. It’s full mind and body control.” Poe’s eyes flick up to hers goading her to continue, she does. “Rey comes from nothing.” She says carefully. “Karate to her is a revered practice, similar to going to church is for me. It gives her a way of peace of sorts.”

“Why can you tell me this and not what happened in the field?” Kylo asks carefully. 

“Because I was there too. I’m not just some weirdo that likes shopping and seasonal napkins. Growing up like that either breaks you or pressures us enough to find out what we’re made of.” She sips her blonde coffee, “I’m ninety five percent bitch, five percent fluff.” The whole table has a laugh. 

Kylo fights the need to pull information from Kaydel, figuring maybe this ‘slow and steady’ shit would actually work to his advantage. 

Sunday takes its time as Saturday did. Slowly passing while not in her presence, but certainly swollen with information, making a stoop sit seem like it wasn’t the only thing that could help him relax. A even breath in and back out, helped him free the dust in his mind, making all the difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of this chapter was done in silence. When Kylo sees Rey I played Rebirth by Two Steps From Hell on repeat, and after Alliance by Apocalypse Tomorrow. If youre trying to listen while reading on your phone YouTube won’t help. 
> 
> Link to Rebirth: https://m.soundcloud.com/supertoplel/two-steps-from-hell-rebirth
> 
> Link to Alliance:  
> https://m.soundcloud.com/anonebj-rn/alliance-apocalypse-tomorrow-epic-powerful-dramatic
> 
> As always, thanks for reading <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey share more information with each other for the remainder of their weekend. She drops news about her trip on him and he’s not all that receptive. 
> 
> Monday is a beast but they handle it...and Kylo steps up once more.

By late afternoon Kylo watches as Rey and Anthony return hours after Finn, KiKi and Kenny, piling questions in his mind for her. Nurturing the boy with great care, she pulls him into a side hug, telling him something only they can hear, laced with a smile. She watches on the sidewalk as he returns to his door with a wave. Her hand reaches a comfortable height around her head returning the gesture. He watches her linger as Anthony finally closes the door to her and Rey’s body visibly relaxes from its square shouldered posture. 

Kylo can’t help but try to put thoughts in her head to try to turn her vision to him, like a hound begging to be noticed behind a fence. When she does he freezes, she gives him a small smile with the lightest invitational nod towards her place. Kylo’s eyes noticeably strained within his face, the muscles stretched wide in acceptance. He felt his body straighten and damn near run to her, crossing the street in strides he was sure to make him look like he could fly. 

Rey was like a euphoric freedom his soul called for. Attachment was something he struggled with his whole life though. Kylo went all in or not at all with everything and everyone. To him it was a form of protection. To him he felt, if he didn’t get involved, he couldn’t get hurt. But Rey... she was new to him, naturally settling, comfortable, nurturing—something he always scoffed at while his mother was alive. Death had always been a distant part of life when he was younger. With age it had become a revolving door of sorts, always looming, keeping to himself and his feelings for a few rather than the many, was comforting at the time. Cold and calculated was just what he knew... but then Rey... she made him feel like he mattered. She gave his life a new purpose. And he, he wanted to be within her reach, even if it was just to hold her hand. 

Rey’s pride for the mission was never overshadowed by her needs. Just in her body’s exhaustion, the hold and then dropping of her posture, he knew she’d do that for everyone. His eyes grazed over her working out what her needs must be. ‘She’d been gone more than twenty minutes...her leg.’ He bends considerably, scooping her up like a child. He knows he’s been forward. Not wanting to squash the needs for his soldier to feel like she’d been less than him in doing so, he asks her to let him be her relief for more. 

That was it. He’d been learning. She rested willingly into him for a few strides up until her door. Setting her down to open it, made his stomach flip. As if not being connected could kill him. She turns to him once she’s opened the door, asking him if he’d like anything while she cared for herself, “I need to shower and then sit in an Epsom bath to calm my leg.”

Declining, “Do you need help?” He asks sincerely. As if helping her would begin to heal him past losing his friends, not being able to save them... ‘maybe I can save her,’ he thinks. It gains him a smile nodding him into her home. 

“I usually sit for both. Like a child.” She says quietly. 

“Well,” He can’t help but say it now, “it’ll give me practice washing someone else’s hair at least,” winning him a snort of a laugh. “I mean.. you can—you can do it I’m sure... and the rest... I hope you don’t think I’m being pervy or disrespecting you by suggesting it.” He can’t stop talking, “because I do.. respect you that is.. and...” ‘why can’t I stop talking?’ 

Her grin simply widens, “I’d be honored if you washed my hair,” she lets out a squeak of a gasp at his excitement, lifting her ceremoniously against him to climb the stairs reaching her bathroom. Readying herself for her shower she removes her belt, folding it with great care. 

“What do the marks mean on it?” He asks while she neatly places it on the vanity. 

“They’re ranks.” She replies. “Sandan is mine...” she traces her fingers over the embroidered stripes, “third degree of ten.”

He bats back the bait Kaydel had shared, remembering Rey’s, “how long does it take? Surely you must be finished.”

“Jodan?” Her giggle cuts through him, “there are requirements Kylo... age restrictions kept me here. Jodan.” She laughs again disrobing, folding her uniform correctly even though she planned on washing it, “that would make me seventy years old!” Lending a kiss on his confused expression, he softens, tugging at her waist to keep her in close. “I hardly think you’d be interested in me if I was seventy.”

“Oh I don’t know about that...” he tries desperately to flirt with her without being weird, “I’m sure you’d be delightful at any age.” It earns him a sideways stair, smirk, a few quirky remarks, but best of all unrelenting time with her, pressed languidly against him. As steam builds on the mirror, it’s surely building within him too. Kylo eases her slight stumble, remembering their real job. “Come on. Let me take care of you.” 

Washing Rey’s hair has him thinking about the time they tried to wash Andrew’s cat. Of course he tells her about it. “It was a couple days before Halloween and his mom had this fluffy white cat with this turned in ‘who farted’ face that would get into everything. I mean the thing had to be the size of my head, plus fur.” Enjoying trying to make sure all of her hair was wet while he leaned over the wall of the tub, watching her smile soften and widen as he told the story. “Well, we figured we were being funny carving out the top of the pumpkin— well one of those wide gourd looking things that pretends to be a pumpkin...and instead of a face we put a hole big enough for her head to pop through and back out of, and two smaller ones for her paws.” He stops to pour her shampoo in his hand, “she thought it was a toy, it was awesome. Andrews Mom was so mad —it turned her fur orange and gooey... so she made it our job to give her a bath.” He massages the soap through her hair catching his breath, listening to hers hitch as he showed her great care. Clearing his throat, trying to stay focused, he continues, “you’d think washing a cat is fun or funny. We went to school the next day looking like we played with knives. Our parents were all called down to explain themselves.” Rey barked out an amazing laugh.

“And what of the cat?” She tried controlling it. 

“The three of us used our allowance to pay for it to go to some groomer.” He grinned at her snort.

“Well... you must have learned something from it because this is very relaxing.” She confessed behind closed eyes while he rinsed the suds from her hair. “I can’t —I don’t think there has ever been a time anyone has ever cared for me... not like this at least.”

‘You’ll drown in my past Kylo,’ came back to slap him hard in the face. Pausing because making a sound seemed harder to do than yesterday, he takes her conditioner and applies it with the same care. Instead of plainly saying thank you, he probes. ‘This is a terrible idea,’ he burns into his mind. But it’s too late. He’s asked. ‘No. No. No. Shit.’ He complained to himself. 

“I walked into that one.” She said with a sigh. “Kylo...Finn, Kaydel and I were abandoned as kids, each from different homes. I shouldn’t speak for them. They knew different challenges and we are all successful adults now. That’s what matters. I don’t want to remember my past... Just know, I appreciate this,” she leans into his touch spraying water that’s rained from her shower head through her hair now up onto Kylo’s arms as if he’d been washing a puppy.

He has the heart to apologize for asking. Repeating in his mind truths that he can’t fathom actually living through. His parents loved him, even though both passed, he knew they gave him all they were. Getting up for the hand towel she washes the rest of herself. At his turn, he catches her lean back into the stream as she’s done countless times before, running a rinsing flood down her chest in such a way he could have sworn she was a work of art. The water flowed over her cleansing herself of her soaps, making her naturally glisten through it as if she’d be encased in a glass form of herself. Startled at the clearing of her throat, he watches as she leans forward, pushing down the stopper and asking for the Epsom salt under the sink. He finds literally rows of it. “How often do you have to do this?”

“When I’m sore, but I usually wait until I can’t stand the pain.”

“You’re in pain?” He can feel his eyes widen and stick, watching on as she moves to the other end of the tub. 

“My leg is in quite a bit. It’s fine. Twelve minutes and I’m usually okay...”

“Okay..” he says carefully. She explains what it does. Listening freaks him out imagining her knee basically coming apart. 

“When I don’t, and just go to bed, I could be laying down and the muscles will loosen, moving the cap, and it’ll stay that way till I try to move. It’s debilitating—“

“And you still do all you do?”

“I can’t just sit on my hands.” She scoffed, now cold from the shower, waiting off the round in the salt water. “If it’s not flexible it can’t be strengthened.”

He just nods feeling like telling her different from what she’s been doing would be similar to telling Kaydel she was wrong. If she adamantly told Poe a crayon was black and not purple, that damned thing was black. No questions asked? No wrath. ‘Ok, ok fine.’ Draping the towel over her shoulders, he carefully surrounds her with it keeping it higher than the water. Accepting a thank you, he sits against the wall next to the bath, thankful for the heater there as the tile is cold.

He brings up the rest of her day training with the boys instead. “Why were you out so much longer?”

“Anthony needs more time. They have requirements to advance, skills, sometimes age, but mostly time. It’s not just class. He has to put in extra time before he can test for the next kyu.”

“Kyu?”

“Level.”

‘Oh.’ “Who taught you?” 

“I saw this class one day through their storefront window, and started mimicking it. The teacher and I locked eyes and instead of shooing me out he continued. I showed up every day after that. On the sidewalk.” She smiles at the memory, “When it was cold they invited me in, making it official. Though, I didn’t start with the white belt, I kind of felt like I was cheating the other students. I started where Anthony is now, ‘third Kyu Brown Belt.’ She explains more than she was willing to as they talk about it within the remainder of her bath. 

“Wait — you were homeless?” Kylo can’t see straight, ‘you’ll drown in my past...’ he thinks, ‘damn right I’m drowning in it,’ straining to keep his head level about this.

“I’m not anymore.”

“You’re right.. you’re right.. and you’ll never be again.”

“What does that mean Kylo?” Her Head turned to see his distraught mix of emotions on his face shuddering through his body. “Is there some sort of proposal working in your mind?” She teased.

His brow furrows at her comment thinking, ‘don’t tease me...this is serious.’ “You just won’t. I have your six.” He leaned into the tub’s wall, stretching his arms around her in a meaningful way, pressing kisses into her, promising her everything wordlessly.

He’s loves her response. Loves it. Rey reaches back towards him even through their tough conversation he was sure she didn’t want to have. ‘She could have pushed me away. But she didn’t.’ 

——-

Later that night after they’ve eaten Rey offers to explain her business to him. “I work in printing fabric. Designers look for printers in China so that they can print custom orders through preordered not retail related cloth by the bolt. Currently, my business is seen as a manufacturer which I have saved and pursued licenses to print licensed material. The only thing is, now that I’ve been doing this on the side for years, I need to focus on trips to meet with representatives of the printed materials overseas and explain my entrepreneurship, and what I’m doing to keep their product from forgery in other printing sites. So say it’s stollen and printed elsewhere. What am I doing to make sure it isn’t? And what backtracking is being done to keep it that way?” She explains, “I need to go before the end of the year to meet with a few.” Pulling up a file to show samples of work that had been done by custom designers, and basics that had been done by her to get a portfolio together. 

The work is impressive and Kylo can tell it must take time, but what he can’t hear past is that she has to go away for a while. Overstepping her boundaries for a moment, he grunts at the laptop, putting it down on her desk. “No.” He slips from his lips onto her skin.

“No?” She rears back from him, her brow bending considerably, “what do you mean no?”

Kylo could handle most her antics but going to China, hurt. The thought of being without her and not being there to take care of her, was debilitating enough. The ‘what if’s’ that started bubbling into his mind were unrelenting like boiling water. He can’t seem to do anything else but repeat himself, trying to pull her back in. “Rey? No.” He sounded more worried than commanding.

“Kylo, you don’t exactly have a choice. I can go next week and be home for Christmas or I can go the second week of December and miss it.” He tries to speak but she stops him, “I need to go before Rose has her baby. She’s going to need help. And for selfish reasons, I’d like to go next week.”

Allowing him to ask why, she responds, “Besides the summer, Christmas is my favorite time of year. Not just for the rebirth of what it means spiritually to Kaydel, but I love it for the tenderness everyone seems to have here at home. The kids are excited, people are courteous, enjoying watching the kids play, sledding with them if it snows. Snow is beautiful—and at night we take the kids to see the lights. Their little minds explode in wonder.” 

Kylo did his best to listen to her but was being torn apart that she’d be half way across the world next week. “How long would you be gone?” His voice ragged taking all of this in. He’d only been with her testing their intimacy for three days and the weight of this trip has him feel like they’ve been together years and she can’t see that flying to China— there’s so many things that could go wrong. 

“Two weeks. Staying in Hong Kong on the weekends, and traveling to the factory during the week in mainland China.” 

“This is already scheduled isn’t it?” He asks hardly aware of the roughness in his voice. He has trouble being away from her and she’s just across the street. ‘How am I going to do this without you?’ Then it hits him. “I’ll be with the kids all day for two weeks?” He pales.

“Once you get your rhythm with them, the schedule will make you more comfortable.” She moves him to her crappy couch before he faints, “it’s not as hard as it seems.”

Leaning his head back he finds the wall, resting it against it expecting to physically drop from the assault firing off in his mind. ‘She knows, she must know this is.. wait what?’ He feels her move over him, her weight, an indication of her need, makes his eyes fly open. “Rey...” he swallows a whisper. Hearing her hush him prickles his skin all at once. She leans kisses in a waves pattern with the movement of her nuzzles before and after each time she plants another. His breathing hitches while she moves over him. Her rising and falling becoming more noticeable, coiling through her, down on to him, enjoying the sweetest suckles down his neck, he groans deep and loud. He tries her name again, pulling her hips down roughly onto him, another shudder racks through him trying hard to let her lead. 

Speaking in tongues of breathy moans, Kylo can barely respond when she asks him for bed, roughly thrashing his body around at each clothed pass between them. A deep moan from him has her cover his mouth, “thin wa-a-all-s” his administrations having her almost wail. “Bed..” she pleaded. 

A grunt is all he can make but he obliges, carrying her once more, straight on to enjoy their bliss.

——

Monday came in fast. A call from Finn about Rose woke Rey setting her blood on fire at three in the morning. “You can stay if you want but you can’t be next door until after school.” 

Half awake he watches her practically fly through her room grabbing clothes, her phone, keys, jumping down the first four stairs to the landing, hearing her hit maybe three stairs on the way down. Sure she jumped down the flight of stairs he thinks to himself, ‘of course you’re in pain at night—you’re only full throttle until bedtime.’ He hears her door open and shut with surely the same force the police used on Saturday night. ‘Gotta tone that one down some how,’ he thinks. 

Left alone in her apartment doesn’t fair as well as he had thought. ‘Dameron’s stoop.’ He thinks... ‘maybe a walk...’ her home is just about as inviting as Dameron’s mud room when she isn’t there. He can’t even look around at anything. No pictures on the wall or in general. Her story nips at him like an underwater beast trying to drown him. ‘She was right...her past could kill the faint of heart. Who would let a little girl be alone...homeless... in AMERICA?!’ The fury had him seeing red. Amping his need to be outside. His mental state needed exercise to help him figure out why this even continues here. The bits of her past hammer through him wondering what else she’s hiding behind her pride. 

His phone vibrated constantly in his pocket. ‘If it’s another cat video from Dameron, he’s getting blocked.’

-Rey-  
I realized I blocked you. 

-Rey-  
Sorry. 

-Rey-  
Update on Rose, almost lost her but she’s recovering. High blood pressure. Finn’s there. Baby is fine. 

Being a man of little patience for typing, he calls her back instead. That was a mistake. The kid’s usual volume was amplified. Complaints, questions, and needs took over the background, fighting desperately for her attention. She hangs up. ‘Thank God.’

-Rey-  
There’s a lot to learn grasshopper.

——

The afternoon comes before he knows it. There’s a chill in the air as if the temperature dropped throughout the day matching the crispness of the night. It felt like barely forty in the sun. Kylo moves quickly, holding in his shoulders in his thickest sweater, still feeling the cold pierce him. He watches as Rey pulls the car seat out of the house with Kira in it bundled in a pouch that zips over the bottom of it making her look like she’s in a pocket. She takes one look at him, asking him, “you don’t have a coat do you?...” not waiting for him to respond, she moves quickly around the van to Kira’s side behind the passenger door. His silence confirms it. Rey pops KiKi in, closes her door, turning to Kylo, “after Finn gets in we’ll go get you a coat,” feeling her eyes rove over him, “and some warmer clothes. It’s only going to get colder.”

He tries to calm her worrying over him. 

“You’re a role model here. If the boys see you in the winter, going out like it’s summer, they’ll want to do it too.” She lifts her eyebrows moving closer to him, her fluffy white coat making him feel like he’s hugging a cloud, “besides, I’d like to take care of what’s mine.”

His mouth dropped wanting any form of a response to fall out but could only forcibly find her lips. Care. Trust. They were working on each other. Building it past just pretty bodies. He leans her into the side of the van trying to enjoy a little more of this ecstasy, hearing KiKi protesting in the van. Listening to Rey hum in approval makes his heart soar too, “later.”

She confirms “later...”

——-

It was Kylo’s turn to take the lead and that first meant driving the van to pick up the kids. No shifter was the biggest annoyance. Quickly followed by the camera, earning the task some colorful comments. Rey’s laugh cutting through it was not helping. “Drive like you would a car. It’s just a fat car.” She blocks the distraction of the back up camera too. “Try again.” It works. 

He’s made it to school later because of it having to double park within the line of other parents who had done that too. Rey instructs him to get the stroller, “the colder it gets the more she needs protection. The car seat will shield some, while the stroller will do the rest.” Not touching the stroller, Kylo takes it as another responsibility. Rey goes through her routine telling him once he has it down it only takes about five minutes. “A little more in the rain.” Walking to the back he’s given the rash of pushing the stroller. 

‘Domestic,’ He thinks. Feeling eyes on him, he’s sure to start feeling uncomfortable. His heart thumps in his throat as other caretakers pick him apart for his rigidness. Feeling her warmth next to him he eases. 

“You’re doing fine.” 

The boys are released first, Kenny from Kindergarten and then five minutes later, Anthony from his first grade teacher. He has a puss on. Sharing insights on the both of them so that Kylo can watch the attitude shift. “Anthony is extremely intelligent which makes explaining things to him hard. He’s very deep. While Kenny accepts most at face value and needs to be rough and play hard. KiKi she’s independent, you’ll see that with her feeding times, and when she tries walking around their living room. They’re all different.” She smiles.

Anthony’s stomp and blown lips has her wondering what happened. She’s warm and inviting, telling them that “Mommy is fine and she sends her love. Daddy said he would take you both to see her tonight.” 

They both perk up with excitement asking, “really?!” And then, “what are you going to do?”

“Watch KiKi, and cook.” They both whine that they’d be missing it. “Not necessarily,” she lets Kylo strap them in, put KiKi in, and put away the stroller. “You’ll still be cooking after dinner. Dad won’t be home until six. Plenty of time.” The pair climb into their seats and the boys go wild again.

“You’re driving?” Kenny asks. 

“Duh, he’s over there,” Anthony teases his ‘observant’ brother. 

‘Kids give the worst stink eye, but Kenny could pin stink to anyone for years with his look,’ he thinks starting the ‘fat car’.

Rey turns to the boys in her chair explaining that karate is first tonight and then homework. Dinner would be right after that and then waiting for Daddy. The boys cheer and commotion starts up again about their day. Their volume suggests it was a good one. At home they all get settled, Kylo retreating with KiKi to the playpen and the boys with Rey getting changed for practice. For a moment Kylo can’t fathom where they’re going to practice, ‘outside is too cold now.’ Fighting the urge to ask KiKi, and sounding psychotic, he waits. 

Anthony and Kenny are down first. Their entire demeanor changed from what they were in the van to what they are now. Silent. Patient. And when Rey comes down they remain locked on her. She needn’t say a word, the three of them bow and head into the garage, closing the door behind them.

‘Woah.’ Commands and responses were given clearly in another language. He tried to listen on when Kira made awful grunts of her own. ‘Oh no...’ Rushing over to the garage he opens the door to see them warming up. Rey stops everything to respond to him. Thankful for this he tries to get her to do the diaper.

“You can do this. You’ll be fine.” Knowing full well he’d seen her do it before. “She’s going to want to eat after too. Just a heads up.” And she returns to them giving the next commands. Briefly he watches on as the show their moves. Obviously impressed he can’t help but want to watch more. 

Kira’s screams pull him back to his serious dilemma, ‘crap...literally...’ pulling out one diaper, the bag of wipes and that white butt cream Rey always pulled out, he sets it all on the floor next to him. Kira’s screaming even louder and he has the nerve to tell her to stop, and that he had to look up how to do this. Pulling up his browser, he typed in the search, ‘How to change a diaper,’ thanking WikiHow out loud. 

The pictures did not do diaper changing justice. KiKi has been left just long enough to fill her diaper and fall into sitting position over and over while she tried for anyone’s attention. Opening her jammies to it was like unwrapping a burrito. There was poop all up her torso and down over her legs. Of course she found it amusing that he was going to help her, but more so that he hadn’t trapped her to one place like Rey does to handle it. Within seconds she’s rolled over and poop is dropping off of her in a trail into the carpet. Her knees pressing into it making the path look more like a painted stripe in their light colored carpet. 

“Shit.” He can’t help but say. Now she’s too far away from the wipes, and not a chance in his life is he picking her up so that she can brand him with her poop stain. Releasing her again puts more stains into the floor. He gather his supplies trying to retackle the situation across the room. With success he’s wiped the excess poop off of her, leaving her diaper left, or so he thinks.

What a damned mess! It’s like she’d been holding that for days. The worst of it wasn’t over. That diaper had secrets. In removing it, cleaned her, forgetting to check her backside too. And one worse, forgetting to put the clean one underneath. There really was no other way to handle this than to give her a bath. His executive decision trumped changing the diaper finding another and starting a tub in the kitchen sink. 

He removed the rest of her pajamas finding the poop up her back too. Sticking his finger on it by accident actually makes him swear a line of awful things, trying to keep from dropping her, “this nightmare doesn’t end,” he says out loud in frustration.

Rey comes in for a water noting he’s in the kitchen. He feels her hand at his back asking what happened. He answered with one word, “poopapocalypse.”

She giggles. ‘God that sound,’ “well it looks like you’re doing well.” 

‘A complement!’ 

“Sometimes it’s just bad.” She grabs their water bottles, and leaves for the garage. 

Before long KiKi is washed, dried, diapered, and upstairs in her crib waiting for new pajamas, when he hears the boys come in finding the decorations Kira left. Groaning, he knows he’s not done yet. Pulling clothes out that look like they have feet sewn into them, he tries dressing her. This takes considerable time finding the more they complain down stairs the more agitated he becomes. Ms. Independent giggles and crawls away like it’s a game. ‘What the hell am I suppose to do?’

Then he hears her commands. “Kenny, shower please.” He runs up stairs. “Anthony, can you take the lunch boxes out of both Kenny and your backpacks and put them in the kitchen?” He does. He hears Rey climb the stairs with a sigh to him, “Here...some tricks of the trade. When she’s getting dressed,” she takes KiKi, holding her between butterflied legs to pull on her sleeves. Then he picks her up, laying gently her down on the carpet, fixing a bent leg over her like she’s wrestling. “Then pull the lower part of her jammies over feet and zip up the front. This works for changing her diaper too.”

Questions spill from him explaining his last hour of nonsense. “You did fine. It’s just poop. There’s stain remover over the refrigerator for these things. Give yourself like five minutes and come down.” Her roving touch erased his frustration. It was hypnotizing. But just as soon as it started, she’d removed her connection from him “There’s more to do.” She says taking KiKi downstairs. 

Left to brace himself for this home life has Kylo wondering if he can calm his nerves without her. ‘Next week is going to be so fucked up...’ he whines internally, lowering himself onto the bed next to the crib. 

Kenny has since finished and Anthony was sent to their parents bathroom for his. ‘They’re a well oiled machine, except for KiKi.’ He looks at her crib...nodding at it, standing and readying himself to rejoin the group. ‘The guys are probably getting a real kick out of watching me wrestle in poop...Armitage would certainly be at his sides in in laughter over this.’ He thinks about how his friends would deal with it and then hears Rey. The longer he stays up in KiKi’s room, the worse he begins to feel. 

Downstairs Kenny is reading to Kira for the remainder of his homework. Rey is getting Anthony’s space ready, and correcting words that Kenny has trouble with. On his decent from the stairs he sees her answer her phone explaining the situation for next week. “I have to put you on speaker,” the volume easily gets that much louder in the room. “Kenny. It’s not time for screaming, I have to talk to Daddy and then you can. Ms. Rey first, then Kenny second.” He calms down. “What does second mean?”

“Ms. Rey you’re one and I’m two,” He points to himself. 

“Good.” She says. His talking keeps up but inconsiderably lower. “Finn?” Confirmation he’s still on the line, she takes the phone into the hallway. “Right, my flight is Sunday at ten. Kylo, will need to train in the morning.” She pauses, reassuring him, “he’s doing fine. Handling himself well.” Another pause. “No just pay him for it this week, I’m not in dire need,” She giggles. 

“I know you aren’t.” He hears in return. ‘I could have enough for a few months of rent if he got a place if I did this all day.’ Anthony makes it back down stairs and goes right to the table for homework. ‘It’s not like they don’t know what they’re doing.’ “How are you going to break it to them?”

“It’s only two weeks.” She says. “There’s plenty of ways to stay in contact. It’ll be hard while I’m in mainland China though, but it’s only three days and traveling on Monday and Friday. We can talk more about it maybe tomorrow when you get home— I don’t want to put too much on them right now.” She turns to two pairs of children’s eyes staring her down as if she had been their mother, “too late—I’ll have to call you back.”

Cooking took a backseat to this conversation. Kylo watched as she centered herself, asking them if they would join her on the couch. They stay in the hallway, unmoving. Kenny looking like he’s confused and Anthony flipping around the idea of running away to his room. The discomfort in their bodies was palpable. Rey held out her hands to them as if she met two stray dogs on the side of the road, letting them decide if she was worthy enough to listen to in that moment. ‘Odd,’ he thought. 

Kenny took to her first, leaving Anthony to hesitate, he grabbed her around her waist as if she’d be leaving him forever. Instead of moving to the couch, she sat with them in the hallway. Following suit, Kylo picked up Kira and brought her to them sitting her in his lap. Gaining him yet another smile he started thinking of as metals of honor. He stays silent, his eyes locked on hers, starting to accept the present instead of the past. The poop was the worst thing he’s experienced at home, but it’s in the past. The older ones need to work through their challenge now... and he’s waiting to see how this crisis is handled.

Steadying the both of them, she asks, “what are your questions for me?”

The boys howl out so many it’s hard to keep up. Of the first she answers is why she needs to go. At her explanation, Anthony asks how long she’ll be and groans at the answer. Rey simply responds with, “travel takes time. Remember how we leave to get to school ten minutes earlier than when we have to go? Do you know why we do that?” The boys both shake their heads. Rey explains the process and Kenny starts chiming in with enough ‘and then’s’ to make Kylo’s brain bleed, he’s sure of it. “In China, it can take days for travel depending on where I need to go.”

Rey answers questions about how they’re going to communicate, and what time it is over there, and what she’ll be doing, until their bodies relax. The next questions the boys can process pertain to their care. “Kylo will be here. You’re smart boys, I’m sure you’ll be just fine. Teach him some things... as you know we’re all always learning,” She hugs them tightly. 

“What about karate?” Asks Kenny. This stumps Rey, so Kylo jumps in to everyone’s surprise.

“What if you teach me?”

The boys look at him like he has five heads. Anthony finally says, “I’m not a black belt. I can’t be a sensei.”

“No disrespect to that, but hear me out. What if you gained your extra hours by directing me?”

“It’s still teaching,” he responds defeatedly.

“What if I watch on Skype to make sure it’s right. Would you consider then?” Rey almost sounds like she’s purring, loving that Kylo stepped up like that. It takes Anthony some time to agree, but when he does, she asks what robes Kylo should have. 

“White, like us,” he said. “Black will make him look like an Oreo cookie.” The boys actually laugh since the start of the day. The eventually come back down through their schedule as Finn gets home, telling them not to worry. It’ll be a half day of cooking tomorrow since Tuesday and Wednesday they only had half days at school. The boys jump for joy prompting Rey to move and thankfully she does as Finn pushes back through the door. 

“Who’s ready to see Mommy?” He calls being bombarded with happy children.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn shares horror stories from the hospital, making sure he only takes the older kids to see Mom.
> 
> Rey makes sure they find a coat at least, finding that much more throughout the week. All day as apposed to four hours in the afternoon has him seeing stars. 
> 
> And Thanksgiving dinner has him making connections with elders, he had never dreamed of meeting.

“Did they eat?” Finn happens to ask bringing in his files, and trying to step around his kids to say hello. 

“No, we had a situation.”

“That bad?” Finn raises his eyebrows high over his eyes. 

“It was intense considering the context.” Rey replies. “They’re currently neutral on the topic so I’d say we pick this up another time. Do you want me to get something simple ready? Or were you going to just pick something up?”

The boys not known to beg both ask for happy meals, and so they’re told to get ready to go. “You’ll need your coats and hats,” their father called. 

“Do you want us to watch Kira? Or were you looking to take her too?” 

Finn almost barks a laugh, “I’m not you. Three at a time — you must think I’m insane.” Kylo laughs a little too.

“I just figured Rose may want to see her little one.” 

As if that wasn’t enough to win him over, he explains in the most specific way that it’s already dark, cold, and crazy people hang outside of hospitals. “Yesterday some dude sat basically on top on me telling me why he hated iPhones, and how the world is going to hell because of that brand specifically. Then he tells me that he got into an argument with his mom over something so he picked a fight with the ER staff trying to stir up trouble to get his frustrations out.” He holds his face, pulling it down at his cheeks insinuating that all the crazies come out at night. “Don’t get me going about last week...in short, some big woman, like big, no“ waving at his chest as indication of a bra, “on flopping around trying to leave in a hospital gown. Goes: ‘this is taking too long!’ And walks out like they’re really going to let her go like that. Police Rey, police pinned her and escorted her back into the building... like what?!” 

Rey tries to hide her giggling, “it can’t be that bad.”

Finn protests with two more stories. One with a woman complaining publicly about her lady bits and snips like it’s normal to have that conversation in an elevator filled with men.. like it’s her gift to tell all... and then with another guy that wouldn’t stop asking him where the bathroom was. “I must have told him ten times in a half hour it was right by the vending machine down the hall. I even walked the man there, pointing to the sign.”

“Maybe he thought you had a friendly face and didn’t think to bring up the weather?” Her eyes widen...”oh my god,” she mouths “maybe he thought you we’re cute,” since the kid’s returned. 

Finn glared at her in response. “KiKi stays with you. Did you help him with the banking app?”

“No but I’ll set it up with him tonight.”

“Thanks,” nodding to Kylo, “tomorrow you’ll start with Rey at 5am finishing around 8pm.” Making sure he’s ok with this, “it’s a haul, I know. But you have the best teacher.”

“Oh stop.” Rey laughs. “Hug Rose for me please? Oh! And ask the nurses if she’s on a special diet or if we can bring Thanksgiving to her.”

“What about Wounded Warrior?” He asks leaning on the door handle. 

“We’ll be there, Kaydel and Poe too, so if you want a sweet little date of a thing, I’d like to be prepared.” At his blush, “I need to know tonight. Please don’t make me call — I will embarrass you.”

“Fine. Fine...”

“Come on Dad!” The boys excitedly call for him, tugging on his arm and coat. The leave in a hurry out into the darkness waving to Ms. Rey and Kylo. 

When the door finally closes, Rey turns to see Kylo feeding Kira. He wasn’t even asked. Kira’s taken four spoons trying for the fifth as he shovels half a spoonful of her chicken and sweet potatoes mixture towards her mouth. She’s managed to fling food in frustration, “shovel faster. Kira is an aggressive eater. When she slows giver her puffs, and I’ll fix her a bottle.” She says rubbing his shoulders. 

His phone buzzes on the table. It’s a message from Dameron. Asking her to open it, she giggles and reads, “Like playing house with Rey?”

‘That asshole.’ “Type, “Yes.”

“Just yes?” 

“He’ll know it’s you if you type more.”

“Ok.” She does it. “So you do, do you?” Gaining a hug from behind him, “I’d never of gathered you as a softie out there on the stoop.” 

“Softie?” Kylo grimaces. “I’m not soft.” 

“Oh, surely not physically...” her hands wander over him, guiltily enjoying her administration, “but you’re my favorite softness here,” pressing her hands over his heart, “where it matters.” He hums in appreciation. “You make me feel like I matter.” She admits. Before he can speak, “I’m going to miss you next week... I already know it. I’ve never had the privilege to know missing someone while they’re alive.” 

Kylo puts everything down, wiping the baby food on his clothes to hold her in an embrace making him communicate truths he wasn’t sure he ever could. Fighting back the dominance of love he was sure he possessed for her, he told her amusing stories of all the times he would rush outside just to catch a glimpse of her, “at one point I could have sworn you thought I was homeless since all I did was sit over there.” At her giggle, “did you think I was a hobo?”

“No? Not many non-military related folks live around here. Finn is an exception, he’s a lawyer doing supreme justice cases...I figured you were a man fighting his past, that needed a chance.”

“A chance at what?”

“A clearer path.”

‘Path? What?’ “To you?” She hums a yes into him. 

KiKi starts whining for her bottle. 

“Why me?” He asks holding onto her hands that hold his heart. Curiosity plagues him now, ‘what could she have seen in my inward thoughts?’

“Why not you?” 

No ones ever countered like that, giving him any asinine response to stroke his ego, even though they hadn’t known each other for more than a few conversations. 

“Hmm?” She asks motioning away to fetch the bottle. “Is there any reason I shouldn’t have been interested? 

“No-none at all. I just..” He trails at her laughter. 

Back with a bottle, Rey calms him, “Kylo, you’re worth it... your traumatic past and all. Besides, if I ever felt threatened, I could drop you like a fly, bum knee and all.”

“Is that true?” He can’t stop himself, “and how would you do it? Being that you have such feelings for me...” he stands now from the chair, towering over her. Her smirk is a tell tale sign she’s going to play with him. His skin prickles in anticipation. 

“Well, if you were really dangerous, you’d never see me coming. But you aren’t...so you get loved instead.” Not what he was expecting at all. It stuns him, and she notices, unscathed by what she admitted, he feels her pat his chest. “I can’t take care of you here. We’re not home.” 

Rey moves to clean up the spaces used during the day, while Kylo chews over her comment, getting Kira ready for bed. She’s all stirred up looking for her brothers but eventually conks out ready for a deep sleep in her crib. 

Later that night, Finn returns to see Rey with the monitor using Kylo’s phone to show him the app. Rey sends Finn his information and he’s transferred his share just like that. “Thanks,” Finn smiled brining the kids up for bed. “Rose can still eat anything, low or no salt though.” 

“You got it.” Rey beams. 

——

“We have an hour. At the very least you need a coat.” She says parking the truck. They stop at a department store where she picks up a few things for Thursday. Never knowing what the idea of stockings on Rey would do to him, he automatically can’t remember why they came. “Men’s coats,” she said looking up at a directional sign hanging from the ceiling. 

He can’t stop daydreaming about what that hosiery would be dressing up. “What are those for?” ‘Fuck..’ he thinks...’why can’t I keep it to myself?’ 

“Thursday.” 

‘Why does she look amused?’

“For what?” He meant to ask what she’d be wearing, getting a quirky answer after. 

“My arms. Come on Kylo, store closes in an hour.” She literally made him try on every jacket she could find like she was dressing the boys, finding the only black North Face winter coat in the rack. “How about this?” He gives a look at the price. “Just try it please?” Fits with space to give and it shows. “Good. Layers out here... winter can be brutal. Last year they got a total of twenty feet of snow—lake effect.” She shrugs taking it from him.

‘Loved’ repeats in his mind as he watches her clutch it as if someone would take it from him. Has she seen him? He’s sure no one would, but part of him is enjoying watching what she’d do for him. 

“Pants?” His has holes in them and were obviously thinning, pants were next, walking down to the ‘Big and Tall’ section he finds two dark wash pairs and a pair of tan slacks. She had him grab new under garments, socks and at the very least a dress shirt or polo for their outing. “Only hint...I’ll be in burgundy, and black,” she waves the packet of nylons. 

‘That fucking packet is going to be the death of me...’ he’s sure she knows too. He picks a white shirt in his size, burgundy tie, “You don’t think I’ll be over dressed?” ‘Her smirk is back.’ Waiting patiently, hot and bothered, needing her response, he almost pants at the joy of hearing her voice.

“If that’s the case, I can always undress you.” She quirks an eyebrow. 

‘We’re not going to make it out of here with anything,’ he grabs her by the bicep making his intent crystal clear, “help me find a fitting room,” he gruffly panted out. 

——

Bubbling from their galavanting, Rey asks him to drive them home. Enjoying the look of her state of rest, buckled and curled up, nuzzling into the seat he’d been in. He pulls out his phone and goes through Poe’s conversation asking Rey to answer for him.

Dameron has gone from teasing to apologizing to trying to get his buddy’s attention, to threaten to call the cops again. Rey replied to each, entertaining herself with every reply, her best was, “if they break Rey’s door, you’ll give her yours.” 

Kylo giggles. ‘I freaking giggled. The guys would tear me apart for ‘giggling..’ but then Rey snorts and it’s the cutest Goddamned thing I’ve ever heard.’

-Poe-  
You guys want to come out? 

-Kylo-  
Yeah just for a little. Starting full day tomorrow.

-Poe-  
Where’s Rey going?

-Kylo-  
China.

Poe fires off more but Rey’s done pressing buttons. “Come with me to see Kaydel and Poe?” Kylo pulled into her garage turning off the ignition, wondering if she waited to tell him the things that followed so they wouldn’t crash, but Goddamn what it did to him to hear what he was to her. “I like the fire thing they do every night, it’s inviting... and besides, I’d like to show off my hot boyfriend.” She added sort of sleepily. 

Kylo’s head turned so fast towards her she, herself was surprised. As much as seeing Dameron made him cringe to all the things he could possibly say, he obliged first undoing her seatbelt and then scooting her over with a quick plop atop his lap. Her lips find his as if to answer his looming questions. He’d been labeled, claimed as hers, by her, “say that again,” he ground out with roaming hands pulling at the fire that keeps her ignited. With searching eyes and her body crashing over him, “tell me what I am to you. I want to hear it. All the time...” her lips hang open to the sensation of them, so he pours his soul’s wishes into her. “...I want the chance to be more.” She inhales, moving over him. “And everything to only you,” his arms coil around her, holding her to him like a dying wish.

He feels a single tear on his cheek, not knowing really what it was until her snuggle, followed by her sweet little laugh. ‘This is not funny,’ he thinks, and then her admission, repeating herself, telling him he can’t ever see herself wanting another, makes him settle, but also revs up his mind... it’s only been four days of this, and reason may be out of reach but he says it meaning all its worth, “I love you.” 

She lifts, scaring him a great deal. ‘Had anyone ever told her that? Would she accept him? Was he being too forward? He though he’d seen it over this course of time, but had it been wishful thinking? His breath catches in his lungs ready to explain himself when she finally clears his thoughts in six words. “I know,” she says running her fingers through his hair, loving the way he caves to her touch. “I feel it too.”

“When did you?” He can’t find anything else to say, stuck in place by Rey’s confidence in their relationship. 

“When you showed me respect at the graveyard and didn’t try to advance on me after.” Already pressing kisses into his lips, “washing my hair though, I’ve never felt so loved.”

“You deserve to be loved, Rey.” His voice, unsteady through every syllable. Of course she settles him. It’s what she does. Reassuring him he did too. “Are you sure you’d like to see them?” He moves against her. A ‘yes’ of sorts crashes though her and he’s not sure if that’s from her need to conjoin with him at his thrusts, or if she means to stay with him tonight. Another strangled sound from her has him crashing hard, “tomorrow” she breaths, “take me to bed?” His clothes left in the back, Rey closed the garage door at the press of a button on her fob. Enjoying her mewling through his touch, they hurried inside. Her little noises were special him, his... 

——-

The rest of the week flew by. Starting at five was the storm before the calm. The kids were already awake. That was surprising. Finn made some mention to them liking to get up and spend time with him before work. You would think they would be tired after. Nope. They only amped each other up, Kenny would try flips off of the side of the couch hoping to gain Kylo’s attention. His looks of enthusiasm were not helping. He’d have to control that when she was away, or someone could get hurt. It’s chaos until Kira is changed and fed, letting the other two figure out what they’d like to eat. Both days having them wanting home made waffles. That was a learning curve. ‘Do not over fill. Do not touch.’ He reminded himself each time, nicking himself with slight burns with every waffle. 

“Use a fork to pull it off.” Anthony informed him, walking through the kitchen with his step stool asking for a fork. He did it with no issue. 

‘We’re all learning,’ he thinks of what Rey said. ‘Waffles..’ he grumbles.

Rey happens by explaining Anthony’s kitchen presence. He’d even shown it after school. ‘Half days are such a waste’ he remembered noting. The kids get all ready to be there for maybe three hours, and then are released back into the wild. Rey had it all planned out though, thank goodness. Their little minds and bodies explode at lulled time. Kylo learned the schedule was important. Cooking though, that was Anthony’s skill set by far. 

Honestly taken back by how well he used his orange knife set, he chopped onions, tomatoes, and apples separately for different items. Setting them aside for certain quantities of pots and pans. Tuesday, they set up the stove creating chili that had to cook and then set over night for the right thickness, that was Kylo’s job to put into large aluminum containers to stack in Rey’s refrigerator. Meat sauces were next which Anthony explained steps to his brother to do with him. Kenny could mix and smush. That was how Anthony felt about his brother’s cooking, but this was a family thing and Miss Rey told him to share, so he was going to share. They made lasagna with it, and that too went into the refrigerator. 

Kylo asked why these dishes were being made specifically not being a usual for Thanksgiving, pushing an answer out of Anthony directly, making Rey smile. “It’s for the day after. There’s usually not leftovers.” 

‘Ah.’ Kylo nods. 

Kenny starts going stir crazy from the repetition in the kitchen so they go off to play outside in the remaining light. Kylo’s coat makes him able to focus better on the wild child, not being too cold to. “Watch this!” Spouts out of him at every turn. He runs at the wall, climbing it vertically with only the pads of his feet to the top of the four foot rock wall. Once in the grass Kylo’s told to move, the boy backs up the hill, running down it with his teeth clenched preforming a flip of sorts, twisting his body down into it. Kenny would get cocky doing it over and over again wanting all of Kylo’s attention. This was new. A few times he over rotated and Kylo was smart enough to lean into catch him. Kenny was all ‘guy’ though.. no ‘thanks’ just a grunt and a promise it would be better next time... “that a blade of grass messed me up,” he’d say.

The smell of baking cookies has them both turning heads back to the door. A hop step later, Kenny waves Kylo on to go sneak some. ‘This kid’s hilarious...’ Kenny finds a pile with his coat still on grabbing two for both of them getting hollered at by Anthony. 

Kaydel is in and out with material to make the pies, first taking apples by the ziplock bag full, while Rey continues with KiKi and Anthony. The standing and bending is doing a number on her for some reason, spending time sitting as she prepares mixtures for fudge and that graham cracker pudding layered dessert Finn loves. 

Both days had significant cooking done. Thursday, Rey waited to have the boys prepare a small Thanksgiving for their mother using duck instead of turkey as it was a known fact Rose would rather that over a huge bird like turkey. Anthony loved this time with Rey. They would study the iPad, learning together. He’d have the chance to analyze what he saw and was heard when speaking to Rey. It was no mystery why the boys loved her. 

Rey had Kenny mix the mashed potatoes, getting all the clumps out, she held KiKi at the stove with Anthony adding her green bean casserole to the oven, and pumpkin bread instead of pie, remembering her comment about it being a laxative to her. 

Finn came in at two from running errands for Rey. KiKi has been out of milk. He had to drop off the bacon and ice cream early so the bacon could be used with some of the fried birds. And the ice cream just wouldn’t transfer between the two places, it just made more sense. 

“Don’t be mad,” he pulls a package of bacon from behind his back, “how about brunch?” He pulled a bag from his other hand with breakfast things, and the kid’s favorite, cinnamon rolls from the bakery. 

Rey looks at him sideways. “You guys are on that. I’m clocking out of the kitchen. I need to shower and get ready... and so do all of you.” Getting up from her chair, Finn grabs her under the arm.

“You did too much.”

“Anthony did most of it. Kenny and KiKi taste tested—.” Leaving the groceries on the table he helped Rey to her house. Kylo, now alone with the three kids, starts to panic seeing her like that. They all go into a frenzy not being with Rey. Spacing out for a moment, the nerves within start to strangle him. Sweat beads at his forehead and he’s about ready to faint—he thinks at least. By chance he looks over at the wall. Their drawings and the inclusion of him in some of them has him thinking. 

Flicking the lights on and off until the boys look around for the source, he uses his instructional voice, not quite as a command but in more of an informative one, “Anthony, Kenny, Kira,” his voice booms, “we have a mission.”

The boys just look at him. 

“Miss Rey is our mission.” They fall in line. No questions asked, moving towards the dinner table. Kenny gets the crayons, Anthony, the paper, KiKi gets a bottle, and the boys get to work. Finn watches on through the side window, comfortable in the way he’s got them down from their crazy fit. He doesn’t bother going in, instead wants to see this bond form from afar. Sneaking off to the back he watches them present their work to Kylo, and joy from the boys as they’re appreciated. They go back to make another and another presumably for different people. And then they manage to try forgery for Kira, who desperately wants eat a green crayon.

Now back at the front, coming in quietly, they find their Dad excited to show off what they did working on becoming members of the Knights of Ren. Finn’s face is appreciative, confident knowing that they’ll be fine in Rey’s absence. 

Kylo notices his phone buzz.

-Rey-  
Are you ok?

‘Really? She had to be helped out and back home.’ 

-Kylo-  
We’re good. You?

Another buzz, he thinks ‘she couldn’t have responded that fast.’ He pulls open the lock screen again, finding a tip had been made in contribution to keeping his cool with the kids. He turns to thank and shake Finn’s hand.

“I think I’ve got it from here,” Finn nods to Kylo, “alright boys, let’s clean up and get dressed, and after you can have a sweet roll.” As they run up the stairs putting on their clothes that Rey had laid out for them, Finn confirms he knows about their little romance, “Be respectful to this family and don’t hurt her or I’ll kill you myself.”

With that he’s dismissed to get ready, knowingly at Rey’s. ‘What the hell was that?’ Finn’s comment burned through him like the pipe. Kylo calls up to Rey letting her know he’s there, getting his clothes and moving up the stairs to their room, standing dumbly in the doorway. Just starring. ‘Stockings...’ she’d been pulling up the second one over her right leg, ‘Christ,’ his lips curled at the sight. He stands stunned watching her smooth out her thick cable knit sweater dress down to just above her knee. He’d seen her demeanor change from confident to uncomfortable in the blink of an eye. ‘What? How could she feel like she isn’t good enough?’

“I haven’t been able to wear high heels in years. And it’s not changing today,” a frustrated chuckle leaving her lips, clipping her stockings to her underwear, standing next to her worn kitten heels.

Entering, he finally speaks, “You don’t need to be any different for me or anyone else. Do you have anything lower?” He asks grasping her hand. 

Winning a smile, “I have sneakers and dead black flats.”

“Choice is yours, but you’ll really match if you went for sneakers.” The pair laughed.

“Sneakers it is.” 

On their way out Kaydel spots them. “Well don’t you look cu—“ Kaydel cuts off stopping at her shoes. 

Kylo glares at her as if he could pop her head off her shoulders if she made Rey feel more uncomfortable than she already was. 

“—te.” She finishes. 

The guys crowd around her truck putting food in the bins they came in and securing them in the back of her truck.

“We match,” he says before she can explain her situation, as if she needed to. He pointed out the colors that match, having black and brown leaving him confused. 

Of course the kids chime in saying her legs and his hair matched and his legs didn’t really match her hair. Kenny teases that he should go change. 

“I think we’re good here,” Finn offered them the van, taking his car. Which prompted Rey to give her keys off to Poe as Kaydel had already had something to drink, she could smell it. 

——

The banquet was set up in the town’s municipal building across the street from the fire department which had many in attendance watching over the fried birds and food. Poe being friends with most of them strolled on over with Kaydel leaving Kylo with Rey and the kids briefly. Annoyed by this Kylo follows him over, “Dameron, why aren’t you helping?”

“Why’d you stand me up Tuesday night?” Poe asks gaining a smirk from Kaydel who doesn’t seem to be herself at all.

“Something came up.”

“I’m sure it did” she giggle wickedly. Kylo gave her a nasty look. 

He looks back at Rey talking to old friends who help her pull down the containers. He moves back over to her ignoring the Dameron’s, unsure of what their deal is. ‘Kaydel could be behind it.’ He thinks, ‘ninety five percent bitch sure rings a bell.’ His hand meet’s hers offering her assistance off of the tailgate. 

“What happened to you?” She asked with sincerity.

“I went to ask Dameron to help, but they’re being weird.” His lips press firmly into each other, “Tell me what you need from me.”

“The kids are with Chewie, oh um, Charles Brown, but everyone knows him as Chewie from all of his food competitions. I think even his tags say it.”

‘Why would she know that?’ Mortified that she’d been ‘close’ with other soldiers, he clears his throat, ready to challenge anyone that tried to take her from him.

“I’ll get the...” she tries to offer help but he declines. 

“Just show me where to put them.” He holds her close to him, “try to relax,” forwardly leaning a kiss into her in the open. 

Howls and an applause from the service men and woman as well as their families present. Most of which knew her since her return, others newer that had a chance to dance with her last year had them wondering what this man had over them. 

“I KNEW IT!!” Yelled Kenny.

“Sorry,” He has the wherewithal to apologize.

“Don’t be. I want the world to know we have each other.” 

He pulls her in tightly, “tell me what you need.”

“Ren?” A guy’s voice asked coming from the crowd to help. “Kylo Ren?”

“Yes?” Kylo replied carefully to the older, balding man, questioning him.

“The name’s Rex. I fought alongside your grandfather when he was your age.” He sat his thick cigar back into his mouth pulling his wallet. “Those are my grand kids... but here’s the only one I managed keeping. Hell of a fighter.” Pulling the picture from its sleeve at Kylo’s dumbfounded expression saying, “Keep that. I’ll croak tomorrow anyways,” he says heartily half joking. “So I hear you started the ‘Knights of Ren’. How’d that come about?”

Kylo explains it really started as a joke, talking about his friends and how they were with him as a commander. Each round from the truck pulling out food and hauling it inside, had him laughing about it. “And then, it became something serious. Almost like it had changed over night. We became the team that didn’t exist... there were even elite guidelines to get in. I don’t even remember when that happened.” He rakes his hand through his hair. A couple years later, my friends passed and I got hit with the remainder of the shrapnel.” Waving over himself. “Sent me home.”

“Ah, for the best,” he nods back at Rey. 

“How about you,” Kylo has the nerve to ask. “Served for years. Every time I came back the wife and I popped out another kid—explains the strips here, “lost all but my one good friend, either to PTSD went literally insane...killed himself, the rest lost in battle.”

Kylo nods, apologizing for his losses. 

“Anakin made it out though, so there’s that. It’d’ve been nice to see him again. Heard it was awful the way he went.” He sighs, “if I’m still alive and you ever want to talk, I own a hardware shop in town. You should stop in.” 

The talk for a while longer until everything is put away and the buffet is set. Finally stopping to take a look around, he realizes there has to be at least fifty people and their children there. The boys are showing off their moves, Chewie is enjoying Kira and Rey’s company and Rex has moved off to rejoin his older comrades leaving him to reclaim his place by his girlfriend’s side.

People are welcomed up to serve themselves. They take the kids to get their plates, and settle KiKi. Kylo offers to get her something, and she gladly accepts his kindness, making his mind float with contentment, knowing exactly who he’s thankful for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is in progress. Heavy on the angst. Be warned <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble in paradise. Kylo tried to remember what he did to mess things up. 
> 
> Kenny and Kylo share a deeper bond both admitting they’ll miss Rey.

“What is your deal?” Rey demanded, her voice sounding more like she’d been ready to pick a fight since Friday. 

‘How’d we even get here? Everything was fine.’ He’d been forward thinking, responding to nightmares as if they were real. Kylo has been having them over and over again at any lull in their activities. Finn had been off giving the pair an early weekend of sorts before she had to board her flight. ‘Sunday at ten,’ he groaned, wishing that wasn’t real. The fear though, that was palpable and she didn’t feel it. 

It wasn’t the fact that it was a plane, it was more than that. She’d be in the air for sixteen hours unable to reach him if she had a problem, or just wanted to say hello. The past week had him walking on clouds, forgetting everything that pained him. Why was it she didn’t understand his concern? It didn’t help much that there had been more problems turning up with the hijacking of flights and engine failures, bird strikes—he forgot about those... flying... kept sounding worse and worse simply because he wouldn’t be there to protect her. The very thought had him seeing red... and then black... 

Rey’s left him all day to wallow in his troubles, making it hard for him to breathe. She’s just down in the garage doing her workout to get away from him. He knows she hasn’t quite asked him to leave but surly hasn’t made him feel welcome. Trying to remember what he did to deserve it. ‘I’m just protecting her—myself— both of us.’ 

Both Friday and Saturday she’d do her workout, climb the stairs, pull a towel and lock the bathroom door. This time leaving her phone outside of it, wishing to be alone. 

Kylo wallows in his fear remembering Thursday, sitting dirtily at the foot of the door, like a mutt waiting to be accepted in after waiting out in the rain. Holding her phone having the nerve to look up Roses text messages she kept sending in another language. Translating their conversation before she went into the shower. 

-Rey-  
Everything was fine and then he snapped. I still don’t know what happened.

-Rose-  
Some people are just face value dear.

-Rey-  
But I love him.

-Rose-  
You can’t love a man you just met. Love takes time. 

He shoves it across the floor like it’s a bomb that could explode, killing him along with it. Rey makes no move to leave the bathroom, wrapping herself in a towel, and curling up next to the heater letting out a sob. It jolts through him like he’s been electrocuted. He caused that. Turning roughly against the door begging for entry, she stays silent, at his request. 

Trying to figure out what happened, he retreats into his mind. Thursday was lovely. ‘She brought me around to meet everyone.’ Chewie was easily the tallest man he’s ever met, and that’s saying something. He had a rough accent, still not sure how Rey could understand him but then again she speaks other languages so maybe that had something to do with it. Chewie served in the Air Force, which was another surprise being his height alone but more so his connection with his parents. Neither of which would ever speak about their missions in front of him by way of protecting his innocence. General Organa-Solo was fierce. It was said that even without a riffle the way she could insult a man was more lethal than a grenade. No one stood up to her that wasn’t looking for a death wish. She died however, in battle. Kylo knew this. She was waiting for the last soldier out when the reactor blew. Gone in a matter of seconds. These men and women carried her memory in their battle to get better.

He looked around the room bringing Rey’s plate back to her. There she held KiKi, looking at him like this was a life she’d want with him. Silencing the clattering voices in his mind to a ringing pitch. He could imagine it, maybe from all the practice, maybe from all of Rose’s news... but it had him wanting a family with her. Their family. Because of her. He remembers brushing his cheek against hers asking if she wanted anything to drink, loving just the way she felt so close to him. ‘This,’ he thought... this he could do forever. 

Chewie has been joking with the kids and helping her when he finally did sit down. She’d scooted her chair closer to his, stretching just a bit to rest her knee next to his. To touch him. Appreciate him, even though her hands were full. Her friend later made mention to knowing his father Han. His dad was an agent. The only times he saw him as when he was injured. Usually Han was pissy. His moods could destroy planets, the hardest to deal with though was the amount of time he claimed to have when spending time with Kylo. 

Once, he broke his leg and literally couldn’t move and he turned him away claiming yet again, he was just too busy. No one really knew him or their connection except Chewie though. He had given Kylo some insight that stuck with him even days later. “When you’re an agent for as long as your father, your stories are what keep you a live. Han, before he got in too deep, always talked about you. He was scared to be a father and that showed, but his love for you was vaster than the galaxy.” 

A nod and Rey’s hand finding his thigh had him seeing starts of his own. He knew she meant to bring him back into the moment, but all he could think of was getting out of there, to take care of her. 

Food, while plenty for firsts, was less so for seconds. Final pickings went mostly to men who for some reason loved the idea of picking from the carcass. Maybe it was something special their families did. Processing this, those who came by themselves, Rey seemed to know more about, saying “just because their alone, doesn’t make them alone.” That was a lob to him. His situation, and the angel that came to him.

Rey took him around to meet everyone and even said hello to newcomers. He felt eyes on him everywhere he went with her, keeping their fingers laced or hovering over the base of her back showing his possessiveness. Making sure everyone knew Rey was his. She didn’t seem to mind either. It’s what she wanted. She’d even lean back into him reveling in his touch before introducing him as hers. 

Eventually they met the Doom’s. Rey introduces them too. Meeting shorter people always made him feel a little strange. Not that it wasn’t often. It was all the time. But they all had roles and expectations when meeting another, and Kylo, he was sure looking down at them said something about who he was. It wasn’t the case. Kanan and Hera both served with Chewie, and after they finished, settled down. Their restaurant had been named after Hera, as it was her brainchild anyways, and a side note, telling Kylo, “Doom’s, I’m afraid, wouldn’t have gone over well.” Hera introduced her son as their head chef, “Jacen had shown an interest in cooking when he was younger and now, he blows us away with his imagination.” 

Hera’s did most of the catering, coming initially to thank Rey and the kids for their contributions telling Anthony specifically that if he still enjoyed cooking when he was older, they could always use another sous chef. It was an honor to him. As if he’d just received a metal for cooking. Kylo started wondering if that was something he should let Anthony do at night. Maybe even try signing him up for one of those televised competitions, surely after asking Finn. Trying desperately hard to remember in that moment that they weren’t his.

After desert and coffee, those who didn’t cook cleaned up, a service to show their appreciation. Tables and chairs were put away, deserts were wrapped and sent home with anyone who took them. Cookies were mostly saved for tomorrow especially for the kids. Black Friday wasn’t something this community really did in terms of rushing around for half priced gifts for the start of the Christmas season. It was one more calm day to kick off the weekend. 

Chewie said there would be beer, football out back and Anthony’s chili if he wanted to come back for round two. At Kylo’s response, taking the backseat on that one, he lets it slip that Rey would be traveling. 

“Where to?” He asks.

“China.”

His eyes widen, “alone?”

Kylo wants to die confirming that and where he’ll be and that he can’t stop the terrifying feeling that something could happen to her. Chewie places a hand on his shoulder and tells him to get her flight information and he himself, would keep an extra set of eyes on her. ‘Air Force’ he remembered. 

“Do you have a number I can send it to?” 

Chewie exchanges information with him saying when ever he had it he could send it, “Insomniac.” He points to his face. 

“Not true,” he hears her say. “You sleep like a bear. Maz and I are on the level.” She teases. 

“Alright, alright...only tired when I watch ‘How It’s Made.’ Puts me right to sleep.” He spreads his hands out from each other in a wide span and a sigh of wonder.

“Speaking of sleep... it’s past their bed time. Going to bed late doesn’t mean that they’ll be up late. Kids don’t work like that.” She finished up asking if Chewie could drive the Dameron’s home and at his nod, she hugged him and said her goodbyes. 

Gathering the children was not easy. Kira was down somehow, but Anthony and Kenny were still bouncing around. Anthony had a moment with him wanting the same treatment as Kenny. They had both been thrown over his shoulders and proceeded to laugh and squeal all the way to the van.

Those times had him feeling like he’d been part of something bigger than himself. Like he was starting to break the surface ice from deep within the arctic circle, finding this to be exactly what he’s needed all along. Putting the boys to bed was a challenge. They wanted to still play and felt like they had connected with him starting on their journey as Knights of Ren. “Knights in training need their rest at night too.” It was the most ‘Rey-ish’ thing he had ever said like her, and heard it as it drained from his mouth.

Returning to her house was a blur, shedded clothes decorated the path they took to her room, their shoes followed by his tie and shirt, the warm fabric leaving his body possessed him sending his hands flying up her thighs under her dress, feeling the texture of her nylons. ‘These’ he squeezed the lace into her skin, ‘I have a special plan for these,’ he squeezed at them again pressuring a moan out of her. Kylo gathered her dress on his forearms as he accessed up her body pulling at her back, one hand splayed over her shoulder blades, and the other pulling the rest of the dress over her head her hair standing in a mess of static. It didn’t matter, all that did was in the trust he could see in her eyes. Their disrobing dance continues up the stairs, tripping him once or twice as she undid his belt making his falling pants just as hard to maneuver as children’s toys. 

His frustration is met with a growl, perusing her playful smile, eyes alive with promise, she backs up from him around the landing, boiling his blood in the most exciting way. His eyes locked on hers, he pants out for her to remove her bra. She doesn’t, “I want you to set me free.” 

Pouncing from his stalking they slammed into the wall next to the bathroom, momentarily happy she never hung anything. He’d held her right arm slightly above her head with the other cradling her head so she didn’t slam it into the drywall behind her. Slowly snaking it down as a distraction between their claiming kisses, he pinches open her clasp. His hands take over her shoulders pulling her straps free of her, returning to her cheeks in a cherishing kiss. “I’m. So. Thank-ful. For. You.” He kisses her between each word pulling her from the wall and guiding her in her room.

There he’d worshiped her in ecstasy. Slow and simple administrations, tasting, testing, touching, building her up just to push her past her senses. Calling his name in pants, begging him for each of her releases, made him sweat through the strain of resisting entry. Kylo made sure to remark old ones reveling in her deeper moans sending vibrations of her keening in waves over him, pushing him on. 

Partially deaf from lust, his teasing would take on its most desired form, playing with those damned stockings. It gave him chills plucking off the straps, hooking his hands under her knees, Kylo pulls her down to the side of the mattress. Sinking down between her legs this time seemed like the first, unable to get the thought out tugging them down, achingly slowly between his teeth. And so he did. His teeth grazing down under the tight fabric caught her breathy begging in her throat pleading her need. The second was that much more torturous for the pair, guiding the tip of his nose down against her skin to pull the rest of it off, strangling out, “what do you want from me?” He pulls at his boxers, leaning down to her “I hope these weren’t your favorite,” he rips them off lingering a moment at her opening. At her mewl he’s nudging her legs apart with his thighs. 

He’d wanted to be gentle. To take his time. But the pleasure pushing into her makes him burst. It’s like pushing into a wet cloud. Her walls are pillowy, soft and welcoming, comforting his girth, taking him in to the hilt making him shake. Rey’s beautiful face, lost in the pleasure of their fullness pushes him on. “Move,” he hears her begs. The symphony between them has him lose all of his senses only able to focus on his building release. Their practices the last few days kept his stamina high but even tonight after she’d experienced a few, he’d wanted to give her all she could handle, but lost it during the quaking she’d endured in her latest orgasm. Slapping into her hard a few more times, Kylo had spilled himself and truths about his love for her in short breaths. 

When she’d pull him down on to her baring his whole weight, he knew even though she still couldn’t physically speak riding out the last of her waves, he knew she was trying to tell him he was loved too. 

They’d slept in their lovemaking, Kylo jerking awake through the night at the worst nightmares since losing Armitage. Fear knowing Rey was leaving in two days had him mentally disabled. He’d tried over and over again to shake it, trying to allow her calm on the matter to take hold. But it didn’t. It only got worse. Trying desperately to keep it to himself was no help either, in fact it pushed her away. He’d said things, awful things to her about them after she’d told him he was being ridiculous. 

“Don’t pin me as disabled!” She shouted at him. Clearly she didn’t hear him. What he said was all of his concerns about the last few days of her over doing it. 

“What are you going to do if you get hurt and need someone? What about the plane? The atmospheric pressure?”

“Have you been in a plane recently?” She deadpanned. “It’s not like you float.”

“You know what I mean.” He countered, “have you done ANY research for your type of injury? What other people do for flying with bad joints?”

“Blood thinners, and aspirin.” Again an answer he didn’t know she had thought of. 

“What if it crashes?” there it was, the fear. But she didn’t see it like that. Instead the irrationality of it all. “You’re being naive if you think that nothing could happen.”

“And you’re letting your anxiety control your life through mine!” He tries to grab her but she was right, she could down him if he was dangerous. She was out of his hold in a half a second. 

“Where are you going?” Afraid he was losing her through his worry.

“To clear my mind.“ pulling on an fleece and sneakers she stalks into her garage slamming the door behind her. 

—— 

Her phone goes off a few more times pulling him from his thoughts. It was early Sunday morning and they still hadn’t talked, or well since then. She had to be at the airport by six to deal with the airport traffic both in and out of the terminal. Being early enough the twilight was still thickly dark he sat next to the door trying anything for her attention. He’d say her name, tried to explain again that he didn’t want her to go, but the silence between them had gone on long enough. That door wasn’t going to keep him out anymore. Rey was one to keep tools scattered about, which thankfully she didn’t have kids running around or they’d be getting into plenty with them he thought. Motioning away from the door he grabs the screwdriver in the next room on the windowsill. Returning he moved the handle, pulling the lock in so he could tend to her. Pausing in the door frame, he saw her nested up next to the heater in towels to keep from having to put on her sweaty attire from her work out. ‘Just so she didn’t have to see me.’ He thought. “Rey?” He croaks. 

She doesn’t move. ‘Why won’t she move?’ “Rey” he coughs and tries again, “Rey? Sweetheart, please?” 

“Don’t.” She warns waking up. 

His eyes raw and red, still standing in the doorway. “Don’t what?” He tries quietly. 

“—Touch me. Don’t touch me,” she starts to sniffle. 

“Why?” His body shudders as if she stabbed him.

“You’ve been mean to me the past two days. Why do you think I want my distance?” She spat. 

“Worry is not mean.” He kept low. “I’m scared Rey.” 

“You don’t sounds scared...” she said still cuddling into the towels. “You sound like you’ve lost control.” Another sniff. “You never had control over me—“

“No. I don’t control you. It never was. Love and control are different!”

“Really? Because you don’t act like it! Do you even hear yourself? Do you even know what you put me through over the last two days? We could have been close and yet... here we are,” she sits up hearing an alarm. Gathering herself she stands, staring through him defeated. “Love..” She says, “I really wanted to know what that meant from you.” 

He doesn’t move. 

“Kylo.” Her voice is haunting. “Don’t make me move you.”

Still motionless, he can’t help but feel like she’s not just leaving for China but leaving him all together. His burning eyes fill with a new haze, sadness he never thought he’d have to apply to their relationship. “Please. Just, stop. Stop! Rey!” His voice weaker than usual. Tears fall from his cheeks, as drained as she looks, as hollowed from her sadness that built all this time, he’s sure his Rey is still in there. “I’m scared Rey. I keep having nightmares...” he swallows harshly, “every one is a plane crash and you don’t make it. No one does. I’ve been trying to tell you this whole time.” He falls to his knees. Pain from his weighted descend shock through them. “Please don’t go. I didn’t know I was hurting you. I thought... I thought you just were mad I was trying to stop you.” 

To his surprise, her thumb carefully extends to a draining tear, swatting it out of its line. She’s not lowered to him though. She won’t. She’s still hurting. “Please let me pass.” He leans helplessly into her touch, the second alarm sounding in the distance. “If I miss this trip, I’ll miss the greatest contributors to my business. I have to go.”

He feels her run her fingers through his hair, chasing her hand with his lips, trying for any connection. Anything. 

“Let me pass.” She whispers. He does. Her second chime let’s her know it’s three in the morning, just an hour before she has to leave. Messages from Finn let her know the boys want to see her off. Broken, he fumbles with her phone tossing it on the bed from where he’d been sitting on the floor. “Kylo, nightmares aren’t real. Stop letting them control you.” She gets dressed in a flash, pulling up her itineraries and sending them to everyone including him. Her suitcase that he’s never seen her open in the front bedroom is the one she grabs, pulling the handle up and dragging it down the stairs.

Knocking fiercely at the door is Finn and the kids, all looking at her strangely, being that her hair was messily lain and raw from her weekend with Kylo, Finn tries to ask if everything is alright. Rey blocks it saying she slept like shit. Which is the truth. She stayed in the bathroom well into the night. The boys clammer at once, “where’s Kylo? Is he coming? We have to go! Let’s go!”

“I’m gonna get him,” yells Kenny, running up the stairs. “What’s wrong?” He asks at the sight of Kylo.

“I-“ ‘kids can smell bullshit’ he remembers her saying, and can’t finish, dropping his head instead.

“Gonna miss her?” His small hand taps his shoulder, “me too.” Kenny sits by Kylo offering a hug. 

Finn tries calling for Kenny, and has him shouting back “sit in the car I’m not ready!” Making Kylo snort out a laugh. ‘The fuck?’

“Listen,” he sounds briefly so much older than five. “Miss Rey is fine because she knows we’re fine. Let’s go be fine for her.” He offers his hand, saying “this talk didn’t happen,” punching his heart finishing with, “‘cuz were men.”

Kylo returned the gesture, finally moving to get up. He followed Kenny down to see Rey direct him to the van. As Rey turned to see Kylo, he still could see Kenny give him a thumbs up and then point at him next to the van. “I’m coming already!” Climbing into his seat. 

“What were you doing?” They could hear Finn. 

“Man business! Leave it alone!”

“Potty?”

“I’m not a three year old girl. I had to wiz ok?”

“Don’t talk to me like that.” Their voices muffled as the door shuts.

Rey offers her hand towards Kylo who carefully makes his way towards her. 

‘Oh...’ “You still want me with you?” His nerves rattle through him.

Just as quietly she offers a broken, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s more music for this. I’ll post in a bit here.
> 
> Second Guess (featuring Anuka) by Khamsin


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo, Finn and the family bring Rey to the airport, struggling with both their goodbyes and parenting for Kira especially. 
> 
> Rey’s flight takes an unexpected turn mirroring one of Kylo’s nightmares, destroying him in the process. Kylo begins his week with the stress of this new news, trying to balance this and being a Manny of three.

Taking the front seat, Kylo rode with Finn due to his size, still not taking her decision well, trying to shove his hand back between the seat and the door to hold hers. It had to be an hour drive regularly but the travelers getting back to their normal lives, traffic to the airport had easily become worse than traveling in the city in the snow. Finn would pull out all the stops to get her there, “try to remember, I’ve had practice getting Rose to the hospital for four children already. I can get anywhere!” Sure enough he found every back route that he could just to get on and quickly back off the highway right into the terminal parking. “If you were anyone else, I’d drop you at the door. But we’ll park and see you off okay?”

Rey still unable to really speak, keeps her hand in Kylo’s, nods sharply, a squeak of sounds chirps through her response making her more uneasy. The trip itself isn’t the hard part. Traveling wasn’t frightening. Kylo’s seeds wouldn’t be accepted. But she had been shaken still like a palm tree in the wind with their argument. 

Parking was a nightmare, having to take a ticket, finding a place in the garage, at least there they were semi protected by the gusting wind. Finn handled Kira and the car seat stroller contraption like a novice. ‘They’re your kids,’ Kylo thinks, offering him help, as if he was changing a tire. Kira’s set up in her pouch had a blanket car seat mate that hooked on the handle to block her from the elements,which Kylo fixes for him. Finn gives him a curt nod rolling Kira away to let Anthony out, followed by Kenny. Kylo met up with Rey walking in with her not sure if he should try to hold her hand again. Not sure if she actually wants him this way. Or if it was just out of kindness in the van, or what. 

Kylo’s mind went into hyperdrive, watching everyone. He’d diligently watch air ducts, doorways, bathrooms, kiosks, everything as if he was sniffing out any reason for the thin layer of trust he tried to place there to be solidified. It didn’t matter much though being they couldn’t go further than her check in. 

Still dark as night, Rey turned to them in the early morning saying her goodbyes, first to the children, pressing her forehead to theirs the way she did to Kira when Kylo first met them. She offered something sweet to each followed by “be patient with him, they’re learning too.” On to hugging Finn and thanking him for the ride she adds, “call me the second Rose has the baby. If I can’t be there in person I want my phone on in there all day long.” A laugh from him was enough of an ‘ok’. 

And then there was Kylo. His eyes nervously jumped around knowing that their conversation just started, that he can’t fix his behavior towards her, or erase it. ‘This goodbye already hurts, and she hasn’t said a thing.’ Rey places her hand lightly over his heart, his eyes drop down to it, flicking back up to hers, waiting.

“I need your softness back,” she whispers choking back her sadness. Trying to be careful, Rey lets him pull her in for a hug. 

“I hope this is worth it.” He manages, knowing his complaints on her traveling went nowhere.

“It will be,” she sniffs. “My, um, home is open to you if you’d rather stay there than Poe’s.“ 

“Thank you,” he murmurs. ‘Anything to try to be close to her,’ he thought. His face still hovering over hers. 

“I-I should go,” she says, clearly still upset.

“Please, just,” tightening his hold he leans kisses into her cheek, trying desperately not to call her a civilian. “Be safe. I don’t want to lose you, and I feel like I am.” 

At his cleanest truth over the last few days, he feels her move her hands over him. Kylo holds on to these sensations knowing it’ll be the last time she physically calms him in two weeks, three really for catching up from the time change, but two worked better in his mind. She’d gently work her fingers through his hair, repeating to him that all would be fine. That she’d call as soon as they landed, which would be sometime that night. “I’ll try sleeping on the plane so you can start karate with them, and Kenny has your karategi and belt, they’ll show you how to do it.” She just tries pressing out anything she can think until he’s too close, leaning a feather light kiss onto her lips.

“I’m sorry,” he says, expecting nothing else. 

“I am too,” she kisses him, scalding his body with raw emotion. 

They linger just enough for Finn to point out a kiosk selling cinnamon rolls, the sticky ones that he doesn’t want in the van, to pry the kid’s curious eyes away from Kylo and Rey. 

“You know I still...love...you...” she says and their kiss deepens. A low whine of sorts flies out of Kylo’s being as he was sure he’d lost her. 

His return, “I thought I lost all of this...”

“Kylo.” He hushes her.

“I have to-“

“I know.”

Another sound from her phone has Rey moving along from him, her fingers slipping from his, making her way through the line to check her bag, disappearing after a check point, even to his height.

Feeling a small hand grab his, he looks at Kenny’s knowing eyes. The boy lightly punches his chest twice. “We got an an extra roll for you.” Kylo’s chest burned trying to control the bittersweetness of the situation. “Can you still see her?”

Kylo shook his head. 

“I’ll tell Dad I want to watch the plane go before we leave.”

“‘Doesn’t leave till ten.”

“I’ll tell Dad I need my booster seat.” He countered.

“I don’t think he wants you in a cab, Kenny.”

Finn calls the both of them, “I didn’t bring the diaper bag and Kira is losing her mind.”

“Go ask that kiosk if they have whole milk and a gift center usually has toddler cups.” Kylo rattled out. 

“We’re not inside the terminal.” Said Finn.

He sighs, “then hold the milk and try it through a straw.”

Finn’s brow furrows at Kylo’s tone but now Kira is screaming loud enough to silence other travelers. Kira, being almost two, has started trying out words. Her latest sounding like ‘help’ has Finn scared someone was going to intervene. “Guys?” He motions to go, “Come on.” His neck straining all of the tendons right out of it, but Kenny refuses to budge without Kylo. 

Stepping away from that space where he last had Rey in his grasp was of the hardest things he’s had to do, but he couldn’t live there until she came back, nor could the kids, so they left. Kenny’s plan was quickly nixed and they fell back into a quiet van. The milk idea was less successful than he thought. Turns out straws are hard. KiKi has to settle with a cinnamon churro and a milk fight that clearly her clothes lost. 

As dawn approached the colors were warm and inviting to watch. He wondered where Rey was in the sea of people, trying hard to remember what was the next stage of airport security. Opting to sit in the back with the kids, his hugeness took up all of the rear view mirror. Having Finn, who rarely drives the van anymore, struggle with the camera. Speaking for the first time since leaving the building, “it’s just a fat car Finn.”

Finn’s eyes pop up, staring him down in the mirror, “what?”

“Don’t look at the camera. It’s just a fat car.” He repeated hunching so he could see out the back window. The boys laugh at the mention to the wideness, spouting “fat” over and over again. 

Listening to their wackiness, he begins to smile at the innocence of enjoying saying the word fat, that quickly morphed to fart. As Kylo’s mood shifts listening to their belly laughs, he notices that his phone has gone off in his pocket making him jump. Cradling it as if it could turn to dust, he sees her name, ‘Rey...my Rey.’

-Rey-  
I’m out of the security check now. Two and a half hours until I board. Is it okay if I blow up your phone? 

-Kylo-  
yes.  
‘Because no was a stupid thing to say’.

-Rey-  
with cat videos?

-Kylo-  
Only from you. Not Dameron.

-Rey-  
[video attachment] 

The video wound up being of her talking softly. She’d described her journey through the check points, making it out alive with her dead flats. “Best shoes ever though for this. These guys have nothing left to them except for the Dr. Scholl’s inserts” she said she happened to find on the way in.

-Rey-  
[video attachment] 

“My plane is a United Flight number: 2187 which is amusing because both Anthony and Kenny were born on the same day in different months.” Entertaining the thought of drawing the plane since she found it was against the law or something to take pictures of plane. 

It wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever seen her draw, but it wasn’t good either. She drew her face on a stick figure, making her arm waving from the triangular body she made closer to the front of the aircraft. Studying it, he’s figured out she must be on the right side of the plane based on how she drew the nose to the right instead of the left. ‘Rey is deliberate. She did this on purpose.’ He thinks.

——

It was well into their Sunday night, being her Monday afternoon, having his mind swell awfully. Finn, not knowing what else to do, tried putting the kids to bed. They however, wouldn’t go without Kylo. He should have heard from her by now, his nervousness radiating out of him like sweat. Of course all of the kids are receptive to it, making the length of bedtime longer by hours. 

“Kylo?” Asked Anthony.

“What?” His voice was raw and uninviting, laying on the floor between their beds. 

“Are you mad?”

“Yes.” He doesn’t lie. 

“Why?” 

“Anthony... really?” Asks Kenny. “I thought you were the smart one...”

“Kenny, different words.” Kylo said. 

Finn got up from putting Kira down stands in the doorway watching, “Fine.” He readjusts his tone, trying really hard to be nice about it, “Anthony, what ever would give you that idea?” 

Kylo grunts trying not to laugh, “try again.”

Anthony covers his head ignoring his brother with a sigh. “I just was asking. You don’t have to be mean.”

Kylo’s heard that before, not even twelve hours ago, “Anthony,” he says sitting up and facing the bed. “I’m mad because no matter what I said, Rey wouldn’t stay. I let my fear get the best of me and we had an argument about it...”

“Like Mom and Dad... but they love each other.” Says Anthony peeling he blanket back from his face. “Do you love Miss Rey?” Kylo nods. “Say it.” He says.

Kylo looks at Anthony like he’s grown another head.

“Do it,” He prods. 

“I love Miss Rey.” He says, and Anthony laughs.

“You called her Miss Rey. She’s not your nanny.” Kenny smirks at him. “Miss Rey’s the mission.” Anthony repeats his brother from before. Kylo nods but doesn’t know how to make her the mission being so far away. Not yet at least. As the boys settle down Finn comes in saying goodnight to each of them, allowing Kylo to do the same. Kenny pounds his chest instead of a hug, so he returns the gesture yet again. 

Downstairs Finn asks if Kylo wanted to stay. “Maybe a little while longer. Rey said I could stay next door while she was away.” 

Finn nods receiving a call from Rose. She’s screaming on the line having Kylo figure she’s in labor, and that he’d be spending the night anyways. “Slow down. What?” Finn quickly pursued the remote, lowering the volume and switching it to the cable setting, “CNN?” 

They listen as a ‘Breaking News’ report says, “We are learning that there was an attempted hijacking confirmed on United Flight Number 2187...” none of the report is heard by Kylo. 

His body shakes uncontrollably, “Rey...” he grumbles through a whine.

It’s all speculation, briefly speaking to people who call themselves experts, just filling air time with their confusion, backtracking and dragging their viewers through loss before it can be confirmed as such. For a moment he could barely see, all of his fears coming to life. His love being among them...chills sweep through him as if her ethereal being had returned to settle herself over him like a second skin. Finn speaks but says nothing, catching him under the arm just barely as he starts to collapse. 

In his dreams he sees her as she was, strong, defiant, and beautiful, uninterested in accepting his fear. ‘Well now it’s swallowed us whole. I can’t even hold you. I don’t even know where you are!’ Shouting into the decaying bits left in his mind. ‘Why couldn’t you just listen to me?’ His embodiment of his soul grits out. ‘I was only trying to protect you-us... I needed you!’ He held to her motionless vision like a sinking buoy, battered within his flooding heart. 

The sharp stabbing of smelling salt burned his physical self, prodding his brain awake making his eyes fly open to see Poe. ‘What the fuck!?’ He jumps, grabbing the man by his throat until he can figure out this is reality. A quick release and and a jump back from everyone, Kylo apologizes with fearful eyes. 

“No, man it—“ Poe offers his hand to help him back to his feet. “Coffee?”

“Beer?” He croaks.

“No. Kids are upstairs. It’s coffee or water,” says Finn still on the phone trying to calm his wife. The stress from this will force her labor, “don’t stress Rose. Put you cartoons back on.” He holds the phone away from his ear, struggling with her. 

Coffee is a terrible idea but Kylo opts for it feeling like it’s more comforting than the lesser complexity of drinking water. Taking it black, he looks at it mirroring his face back at him. Drained. He’s dying not knowing anything. Dying. Just. Dying. 

Chewie messages his phone with a confirmation that they’re sending a drone to their last known location. 

-Chewie-  
Pursuing target. 

Responding for him is Finn, who knows he can’t function. 

-Kylo-  
It’s Finn. He’s devastated. 

Chewie doesn’t acknowledge it since anyone who knew Rey was devastated. That wasn’t mildly a surprise to him. His love for her was obvious too. Knowing he was disabled by grief, he sends pictures from their feed as they reach the territory. 

-Chewie-  
About two hours out. 

In those two hours CNN had released nothing new. Their reporters have no idea what’s going on. Poe sits with Kylo silently on the couch trying to be there for his brother, but Kylo can’t function. Listening to her videos from before her flight was boarded. 

-Rey-  
[video attachment] 

“Kylo. This weekend sucked but I’m still already missing you. They’re calling us to board now...I just..I just wanted you to know my love is unwavering, even if you are being an ass over my trip. I hope you know.”

He swears over and over again, closing himself off in the downstairs half bath, sliding himself against the wall, sobbing ‘why’ until his voice is nonexistent. A shell of himself leans into the corner. 

-Chewie-  
Flight Number 2187 confirmed. Plane downed in mainland China.  
[Picture Sent]  
[Picture Sent]  
[Picture Sent]  
[Picture Sent]

Each picture more telling than the last, but he hasn’t seen it. 

“Kylo?” Kaydel tries, “they’re showing new footage. I-I think you should—“ 

He pulls the door open, broken, showing the crash on his phone, dropping it as if the piece of technology means nothing to him now. He wants it to be over, this torture his life has become. ‘What a cruel mother fucker life could be,’ he thought. Stumbling slightly, he motions to leave, faintly hearing screaming in the broadcast. He wasn’t going to turn. Set on getting out of this house and trying to desperately end his own life, but then, then... he hears something that sounds like her. 

There were survivors. People taking video on the plane getting it out to reporters, uploading in across the web if they had service. Men shouting threats they assumed were in charge of the hostile takeover, women and children begging for their lives, and videos of people working together to presumably save the aircraft. 

In the segment after witnesses had called in to give their accounts, CNN reports flooded in with new footage showing displaced families, hundreds of miles away from Hong Kong. The plane was now shown being detailed by police and volunteers by the light of the late afternoon giving all they were to help every last person get out, as the day quickly turned darker with every passing hour.

A witness points Rey out in her mud crusted leggings and ratty old grey sweatshirt, being of the heroes in their section of the plane. The camera whips to the left to see Rey pulling the last of importance from the plane. A stuffed fleece dolly, for a dark haired woman and a baby smaller than KiKi in her arms. Kylo lunged across the room at her image, dirty but untouched... barely hearing Finn start speaking again to Rose.

He touched the screen as if he could comfort her through it, covering one hand over his mouth as if to catch his breath. Like it was going to keep him from collapsing again. His left stayed on the tiny picture of her climbing down out of the rubble. 

Shouting from the crowd began, reaching to touch her as if she had been a celestial being who responded in their time of need with high praise. Rey humbly accepted it for a moment but told reporters as they bombarded her, “Wǒ bùshì yīngxióng.” A translator spoke over her lovely voice saying, ‘I’m no hero.’

Rey’s heavy breathing began to steady itself, “Wǒmen fǎnkàng zhěngjiù duìfāng,”  
being translated once more as, ‘we revolted to save each other.’

Another journalist asked why she, being a woman, stepped in to do a man’s job. The footage showed Rey lose it, speaking through them like they were the teachers in Anthony’s school, “Zhè jià fēijī shàng yǒu háizi!” A translator later spelled out what she’d said, having him smirk, ‘always the kid’s first...’ Promptly trying to excuse herself and that she was late for something. 

The footage kept replaying over and over until Finn finally turns it off. “Well, at least we know she safe—er—grounded.” Kylo though, he can’t stop, pulling it up on his phone watching throughout the night only being torn from it by way of exhaustion. Using whatever is left of him to thank God for this gift. For Rey’s wellness and his sanity.

It’s late when his phone goes off in his hand, not being opened right away is proof that he’s sleeping when he received it. 

-Rey-  
[Video Message] 

“Kylo? I’m sure you saw the news.’ She yawns, “I’m fine. Have to take the train to the factory. Haven’t gotten any rest. Knee’s Fine. Hope you’re better. Going to sleep on train...” she yawns again. “Just know I love you and the kids, and everyone at home,” her voice shakes, “I hope you and everyone are well -and” her voice’s pitch spikes as the realization of what could have been starts settling in, “please can you, I just.. I need to see everyone’s faces. Can you send me videos like this?” She pulls a tear away from her eye. “I just.. I need to hear your voice. The kids too. Please.” She sniffs again.”

———

By the morning, Kylo had woken to children breathing on his face, begging to know anything about Miss Rey. “Did you sleep over?” They realized he had the same clothes on as the day before. 

Anthony takes his phone finding a message and playing it out loud. “What’s this? What news? Why is Miss Rey sad?”

“Umm.” Kylo groaned. “Ask your dad.”

“Dad’s at work.” He says.

‘Wait what?’ “What time is it?”

“Ten fifty two.” Kenny says. Kylo groans. 

“Wait? Why isn’t KiKi up yet?” Actually setting him into a new panic wondering if she’s hurt since she didn’t start wailing for a diaper change and breakfast.

The boys start laughing, revealing that it’s still early and Dad was in the shower. His response teasing Kenny, “Oh! Hi! My name is Kenny and I’d like to give you a heart attack today.” Gaining more laughter from them which he’s not sure if that’s annoying or not.

“They’re free all day!” He bubbles.

———

Monday marks the first day being alone with all three which truly isn’t awful, it’s just long. Their tribe of boys and KiKi have them working together in a different way than Rey’s suggested plan. Anthony takes over the kitchen and lunches telling Kylo what to pack for each since he can’t reach certain items in the cabinets. “Give Kenny like three napkins, he always spills.” Says Anthony. 

“I do not.” Completely missing his drink, basically shoving it across the table. “Ugh.”

“Yeah not three. How about the whole stack?” He smirks.

Getting them ready to go was another beast. Kenny showed his true age in the morning unable to focus at all. Dressing and finding shoes was the hardest concept, which had Kylo slowing down to a complete halt, asking, “did you find a” for every piece of clothing that should be on his body before they left. 

“Can you help me find my shoes? He asks still busy playing with his socks. 

“I need you to use your eyes,” Kylo watched him.

“But I can’t find them,” Kenny whined. 

The whining he could really do without and the thousand questions, because of them he would respond with, “if I find them KiKi gets to wear them.”

“Noooooo!” 

“Then find them.”

Kenny barely moves, trying to avoid this, “but I can’t find them.”

“Kenny look down.” The boy looks all the way down, swinging his head far down between his legs gaining an annoyed huff from Kylo. 

‘Really? They’re right there.’ Kylo grabs one that’s right next to the other saying well, “KiKi wins your shoe.”

Another “noooooo,” comes from him, practically climbing Kylo for the shoe.

The time in the morning is swallowed up before they know it, having them race to the van. Kiki’s in first, protecting her from the bitter cold that frosted the ground over night. Then come the boys who both need to draw all over the doors. Kenny had drawn what some could maybe call dinosaurs, and Anthony started with his numbers, testing Kylo for all he was worth to try to read his number correctly. “We’re late, please just get in,” he tried to not grumble. After every last person was buckled, Kenny admitted needing to poop. ‘Oh my God!’ “Everyone out!”

It wasn’t just poop either. It’s like their family really couldn’t hold their bowls. Not only was Kenny not keen on going to school in the morning, but he wasn’t all that interested in focusing anywhere unless the next goal was present at each moment of every task, having Kylo do things step by step with him. Some how they finished, got back in the van, and made it to school right before the back door closed for homeroom. 

Usual parents and caregivers looked at Kylo as if he just ran there through a burning building. He was a hot mess, and it was clear he didn’t care for their looks, giving them right back to each of them as if he was a mirror. Kylo hadn’t showered since Friday. His hair stuck out wildly, and showed up in his sweats actually happy he remembered to put those on the night before. 

“Rough night?” One of the bitches tried teasing. 

Kylo stares her down with the most wild of looks, as if he’d snap if she said one more syllable. This nasty little thing would size everyone up and pin them for less than they were. She deserved no information. None. Kylo waved to the boys and left, hearing her complain how rude he was being to other wenches that were socially starved by her hierarchy.

The woman clearly looked like she came from money, wearing brands he never heard of that made basic designs out of an elementary art class expensive. She was of the stay at home moms that put makeup on like she was going to the club and would crankily talk about her family like they were the scum of the Earth impending on her time as a human. 

His mind though wasn’t fixated on her or her problems. He only cared about getting KiKi out of the cold and trying to reach Rey. Anyone that would come between that would be shut out. Kylo’s phone went off constantly popping up with people checking in on him, excited for Rey’s success as more information comes out about their thirteenth hour. He can’t help but feel frustrated by it. Only wanting to message her as she had asked. 

As he thought about it, Kylo started figuring out her mission, the one he would label for her, starting to list all of the objectives, starting first of course with his video to her. Seeing his face in the screen trying to talk to her was debilitating, and for a moment appreciated the van for mildly shielding him as the tinted windows in the middle row would. He took a seat next to KiKi so she didn’t fuss while they were parked. The forward thinking he had was considerable given their time together. 

-Kylo-  
[Video Message]

It showed him slowly leaning forward from his upright position, whining about her leaving, everything he saw, all he was put through, and ending with missing her. Grateful she was alive and well enough to contact him. Pride that tore them apart the days prior had simply been broken, as if their phones had become the rock wall that separated them in the graveyard. He prayed to her to come home safely. To finish quickly and just return to him. That he’d make it right and work on his patience and trust issues if it would make her feel more comfortable with him. They’d learn to communicate better- anything, all of it, to have her back. 

Being Monday morning that meant it was her Monday night. Strange to be on the receiving end of that, he sends his message on to her, waiting for what seems like ages in the parked van on the school lot. A grounds keeper that also did his share of security work knocked on his window, getting Kylo to open the door to him. Briefly exchanging looks to a man who clearly is doing some sort of grieving, he explains that Kylo can’t squat here all day. “They’ll have you towed if you stay any longer.

——

Back at Finn’s it crosses his mind to take KiKi to Rey’s, just to feel somewhat connected to her. The thought being something of a cross between comfort and destruction, the unknown has him retreating into KiKi’s familiarity instead. Mindful to bring both her bucket in with them to keep it warm for the afternoon’s pick up, she’s released into her playpen until Kylo returns again with a bottle. 

Passing clouds give way to a golden light that reminds him of summer, noticeably different from the fall months in warmth. Staring into it he remembers her, and all of the friendly smiles she’d given at her pass. All of the times he went acknowledged and the times he barely said hello. The thoughts swirled around in his mind wondering if they could have been more all this time. Depression from it rolls over him with the fading of the sunlight masked by darker clouds. There he sits until KiKi protests with yet another need. ‘Nap’ He thinks, pulling her and his phone along with them up the stairs to her room. Motioning through their lists, making sure not to touch her feet, Kira’s wrapped comfortably in her favorite blanket, listening to depleted heartbeats that belong to a man who’s been through just too much, fought sleeping. She needed a regular tune, but Kylo was so far from it he was sure she’d never sleep. 

A moment later the tell tale sound of an incoming FaceTime call chirped through the room. Surely it was Poe sitting on his phone. The man had pocket called nine one one so many times keeping away from using a pass code. Surely it was Poe. Pulling it from his pocket and seeing who it was had him sitting up so quickly he’d dropped it trying not to drop Kira. ‘No. No. No. No. Don’t hang up...’ he bangs his head on the drywall trying to cradle Kira just so. A groan him and a squeal from her is the greeting she received as he finally got to the phone on the floor. “Rey...” he breathed at the sight of her. 

Beauty knew no one else the way Kylo saw Rey. She’d been sleep deprived and stressed beyond her regular schedule could ever have applied. Dark bags under her eyes from no sleep looked lovely, healthy even given what the news had reported. She could have been so much worse. The broadcasts kept calling it ‘Valley Miracle 2187’ showing her face and people who claimed to know her, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was pretending to be able to hold her in his hands, the magic mirror of sorts saving him by seeing her. 

Kylo closed his eyes tightly, with downward turned lips and just sobbed. Crying for her, for him, the fear she must have endured, their arguments...opening only to see her release to the same justification. “I’m sorry,” she whispered through her tears.

He can’t say a word but shakes his head no. 

“I should have just listened... it was so important... it was all I could see...” she whined finally seeing his pain. “Kylo? How did you know?” Her eyes filled with new tears.

His eyes slowly blinked out brimming tears, needing to know nothing but that she was alive. “I didn’t. It was just fear. Nightmares babe... they were only nightmares...” his voice dies out from him. “Did they touch you? Hurt you?” Even being half way across the world he was ready to suit up and join whatever he needed to to get to be on that frontline. The first to get his hands on them, each one that put her in danger. They’d know no second breath. No mercy. He’d promise her safety in the act. He’d give her all they stole from her. 

Kylo studies her face, watching her snort up a booger and cough on it, telling him they hadn’t. “It all happened so fast. I couldn’t feel myself move, Kylo... I only saw them. The passengers fear, and then yours. I couldn’t let them die at the hands of these people.” She cried, “I saw you and the kids in every face I passed. I-I couldn’t stop.”

He looked at her in awe. She was reaching for him in the sky, a force unlike an other exploded from her in those videos, now exposed for her skill she wound up everywhere. Broadcasts wanted to interview her, get her thoughts, decorate her as a hero, and here she was hiding in her tiny hotel room trying to stay awake with him. To reach him. 

Time stretched between them trying to make sense of everything she’d been sharing. Rey begged him to say something, anything, refreshing her emotion. “Kylo please, I’m sorry. Please talk to me.”

“I-what do you want me to say? All I can fathom is either killing them or holding you and I can’t do either right now.”

She spits her first giggle in the last few days. “They’re dead, honey.”

‘Honey? Wait did she kill them?’ His eyes widen. 

“Dangerous.. remember?” She whispered her rhetorical question. “That just leaves wanting to hold me,” her eyelids close like feathers falling. “Only eleven and a half days now. Tomorrow’s almost here and I’ll be in the factory all day.”

“Will you call back in your morning? The boys want to see you...”

“And karate,” She smirks, “I wouldn’t miss it.” 

“Won’t it be too early for you? Won’t you be tired?” He asks. 

“Coffee runs my world when I’m not with you.” She yawns and snuggles into her pillow. “Do you think you’d be ok watching one more?”

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” 

To her side smile trying to lean lovingly into the pillow as though it was him, she adds, “keep me safe in my sleep?”

“Anything for you,” he manages somehow. 

Drifting she speaks it like a dream, “I love you, Kylo, always...” 

“Always,” he mumbles back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was cut in half. Usually I like to do the whole day to keep the momentum going properly, but it’s first too long.And second, the music that reflects this section would be strange throughout. 
> 
> I should add that Kira’s new word “help” was actually taken from my niece who actually would scream help instead of stop. And she used to like doing it in crowded places... like stores and airports (lots of travel). Funny now. Less then.
> 
> Music for this chapter:
> 
> Dream by Imagine Dragons  
> Believer (Live acoustic) by Imagine Dragons


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The afternoon evaporates with Kylo’s first karate class. The boys are impressive and he’s sure a five and six year old are going to kick his ass.
> 
> Kylo figures out what Rey’s mission should be about, and gets it underway.

The afternoon basically evaporated in saying goodnight to her and getting the kids. Rey, not completely acclimated to their time zone change is up to greet them on their way home. The boys press their faces together listening to her intently. She manages to tell them she had some trouble with the plane but she’s fine, keeping the information basic like a true nanny could. “The train though, they call it the bullet train and its remarkably fast.” She says shaking her head. “It’s just an amazing feat.” The boys guess at the speed almost like a game all the way home, when Rey finally breaks the news for it blowing their minds that much more. 

Once at home, they decided on karate for obvious reasons pertaining to the coolness of the days first due to KiKi second. Kylo put her in a coat and then the boys helped him dress, giggling until they taught him how to tie his belt. Once tied, it was as if they completely changed into soldiers again. Rey nodded at Anthony, then bowing at the group had allowed comfortably guided the group down to the garage for class. 

Before they start Anthony explains their belts by color and meaning. “I’m a Third Kyu Brown Belt” He says proudly, explaining the symbolism behind it, being the seed ready for growth into the stages of an advanced student ready to mature into more. “Kenny is a Purple Belt” explaining the importance of his level being ready for change and beginning to understand the importance of the Black Belt. 

“Your White Belt, Kylo, means the beginning of a seed that lies underneath the snow during the winter. You are looking for knowledge,” he stops before moving on to stretching looking at Miss Rey, who they’ve set on the wall with packaging tape. The only other option wasn’t a good one.

She speaks, “Kenny and Kylo, you will both need to give Anthony respect that you’d give me, keeping your posture correct and eyes locked on his, or he doesn’t have to help you through your kata.” Pausing she speaks then to everyone, “we usually do training in Japanese, but since this is new to Kylo, well start in English.” The boys bow to her and her to them, with Kylo trying to figure out the right bend. 

Bowing to Miss Rey, Anthony begins explaining that kata is the basic understanding of self defense and as he gains knowledge moving through the Kyu he’ll be quick enough to apply as an offense if the time ever arises. His body controlled in the process, unlike his relaxed child like demeanor throughout the day. 

Honing the control of his being, stressing the muscles in his core out into ready position, “Do as I do,” Anthony started through his stretching, leaving no body part lacking. Closely followed with their pushups, having even Kylo impressed with the boys’ strength, ‘crossing ankles?’ He puffs at the thought. Kenny leaps up after the number of twenty ready for the next drill, ‘fast feet’ being one of his favorites. Their volume in class becomes significantly louder handling their focus on each task. This too is uncentering for Kylo and it shows. Boot camp was similar in a way, but he couldn’t remember a time hearing such a compliant sound.

Kylo’s eyes drift to Rey’s who are locked on Anthony. That was a mistake. “Kylo,” Anthony startled him, “your job is to be faster in your footwork change than Kenny.” Giving a sample, swapping directions with their bodies, “180 degrees. I’ll count and you’ll switch. Go.” The boys get into a rhythm pulling their feet off the ground in the smallest of hops, for a fast change of direction, “ONE!” Anthony shouts, letting Kylo try to move before Kenny, who has clearly mastered this. Counting all the way to ten with quick switches between numbers, catching him off guard. The boys move through the rest of their warmup ending with running. Running laps in a tiny garage wasn’t an easy task at all, and due to his size Kylo got to do double. 

Kylo’s kata was first on Anthony’s list, breaking down every step, exceedingly diligently in his expectations. “Control your body Kylo.” He’d say, “Do as I do,” showing the deliberateness of each stance. He explains why it’s important to do his skill appropriately. Kylo would eventually be left to sit and watch the boys go through Kenny’s Purple Kyu’s kata, followed by Anthony’s Brown Kyu’s kata, which is when Rey gets involved. She commands him as he did with both Kylo and Kenny. Her voice clear and as focused as he’d been, slips between English and Japanese without warning. Kylo can’t help but be in awe of her worldliness. The languages she can just pull from thin air piles only more questions he’d like answered. 

Anthony finishes releasing his spirit yell on his final blow is adjusting his belt and uniform down upon his hips correctly again, calling Kylo back over to practice his kata again. “We’ll practice again, and then spar with Kenny first.” 

“Um, how? I’m three feet taller than him,” over exaggerating his size. Rey beams a smile so bright he could have sworn he went blind for a moment. 

“You’re job is to block and control, let us figure out how to strike.” He says as if he knows something Kylo doesn’t. 

Knowing full well Kenny can basically fly, he wonders what Anthony is capable of. ‘Should I really? These kids are going to kick my ass.’ He groans inwardly practicing his steps over and over until Anthony nods Kenny to them from assisting as a playmate for KiKi while he was sorting Kylo out. 

“Use your kiai, you’ll focus your strength better.” Kenny offers in front of Kylo who asks for and gains the meaning. 

‘Oh.’

Setting up in ready position Kenny strikes with true precision forcing Kylo to stumble back forgetting his line of defenses. Kenny would then stop, replanting himself waiting for Kylo to reset. The boy would use his fast feet to move him over Kylo. His use of them would give him the flighty changes needed to fake Kylo out, ready for the opportunity to strike in the opposite position, planing a kicking strike into his side. Holding in place, pulling his foot back to his body as if to tell him control is everything. Kenny resets once more, smiling cockily at Kylo, as a smart-ass would. “I’m going easy on you, Kylo. Block me,” his brother warns him about his smart talking, opting for smart instead of cursing in front of Miss Rey.

Kenny bows once more, challenging Kylo to focus. He does, closing his eyes briefly, feeling Rey’s on him. His smirk returning to him, ready. His sight fixates on Kenny. ‘Control’ he told himself. The both of them bow once more before starting their fast feet. Kylo now able to travel through the space, moving away from Kenny who is able to taunt a few movements catching him moving backwards just enough. A spin hook kick in his direction is used as a diversion. Kylo making a step away and pulling a block worked excellently here. Planting an uppercut close enough to his chin to give the insinuation, landing hard on his feet, Kenny shows a proud nod in his succession. Bowing to finish, Kenny taps him on the arm, “good luck. Anthony is intense... like Miss Rey. “ The boy leaves to play with KiKi, watching from the stairs, wanting to see how this goes. 

Anthony’s kata was noticeably different focusing on sweeps, and kicks over all that they’d learned in the other levels coming at him in such a fury concerning him on his reaction time. Gaining one too many blows in the torso, with close calls to his future, he bowed out taking on caring for KiKi. “Wait ok? I don’t want to miss out on your sparing.” Kylo basically rushed out to make a bottle and blanket for Kira.

On his return he watches the boys joke with Rey as she starts to sag, looking lazily onto them. “Before I have to get ready boys,” she pulls at the bags under her eyes, “I could put marbles in these pouches...” she mumbles, “alright boys, bow to each other. Go.” She says starting their match. 

They do. Their skills blow him away. Even matched as two different levels doesn’t phase them. ‘Well closer levels. Sparing with me was an demonstration... to get me to ...’ the gears start trining in his mind, “ to get the idea of why leaning blocks and control was of the most importance.

Working together for years had them pushing the other further he’s sure of it. Anthony wins the first round, pulling Kenny up quickly. Each round they bow, restart, and though he’s not timing it the matches go on for what feels like five maybe ten minutes at a time, and still Kylo wants to see more. Kicks, sweeps, flips, all the blocked hits, getting out of each other’s way... it’s intensity had his eyes wide and a smile plastered across his face. Kenny won the second but Anthony came out victorious two more wins, when Rey finally stopped them with praise. 

Closing they all bow to each other. Kenny is instructed to shower first. “Kylo if you need one, you’ll have to put the monitor in the bathroom with you, and KiKi in her crib. The boys are good to her. They’ll play until you’re done.” She smiles at his look. As if it never occurred to him he’d have to do that throughout the day. “Also,” her voice strangles out his name in a sleepy way that makes his eyes roll back in his head, “may want to tie your hair back for this training too,” she says while he pulls her image glowing from his phone, down off the wall. 

“Afraid I’ll fall?” He teases. 

“The boys will keep you in line, but you need to see the line on your own.” 

He hums his response, “will I ever see you fight?”

She bubbles in laughter, “hopefully you’ll never have to, but it’s, it’s mostly broadcasted now,” she sighed. 

“Those are just clips. I want to see you.” He’s persists. 

“Maybe one day. My next mastery in in a couple years. But this fighting style...it’s about protection. Using your body to protect, swiftly. There are other skills and weaponry,” she holds her tongue on her mastery. “but I was told to wait on those schools until they were older by Finn. They’re his kids so, I keep them on one path to the best of my ability.” 

Kylo agreed but still wants this. 

“I’m starting to get the feeling you just want me for my skills,” she teases watching him turn bright red trying to strongly deny it. 

Eventually in the time it took Kenny to finish and Anthony to start his, KiKi has gotten to play in the living room testing herself with steps taken alone, basically diving into the carpet after six or seven, gaining a cheer from both of them and Rey over the phone, which made her cry. KiKi looked all over for Miss Rey, unable to find her, Kylo offered it, generating more of a tantrum.

‘Ugh.’

Apologizing for needing to go early. “I don’t have anything to wear except what I came off the plane with” happy she actually had her purse. “I usually don’t like these things, but it, oh I can’t imagine being stuck in these clothes for weeks. I smell.” Kylo insist it can’t be that bad.

Shaking his kindness, “uh no, my pants may be black but it does not hide what’s hit them. There is a stank on me...I tried washing my leggings at least, in the sink... the cleanest thing on me is..well no.. pretty much all dirty...” catching herself babbling she tells him she’s proud of what he started, “It’s not just a class you know. It’s a solid bond you’re creating with these boys.”

“And you,” his puppy eyes widening in her inhale.

“Yes and between us.” He watches her smile. It’s simple, but his. Feeling part of him swell at the admission. Love was one thing. Important, yes, but a chance to build a true relationship with her, past physicality, past mentally, past what words meant to others, he wanted her to know they were solidly each others. He feels this shift as he felt it in the banquet and just like then, doesn’t have to say anything. It’s already started, steadily, like a rooting tree. It’s more than he could have ever hoped for.

As they end their day, Rey had already began hers, traveling by foot to the marketplace looking for simple clothing. Luckily reporting, though she sticks out, she hasn’t been noticed, able to find a few blouses, pants and ‘lady items’ as she put it. Wishing him a better night, she tells him she’d reconnect again in his morning giving him peace with a steadied heart. 

Reflecting on their time together, all the moments they experienced, he clutters ideas together on how to welcome her back. Perfecting each with a reason, his idea slowly manifests into a pearl... flawless. Reaching out to Chewie, who seems to have a significant history with her, he explains his motives, gaining a momentum he couldn’t fathom creating on his own. Chewie would hand the significance of the project out to others who have helped her and wanted to share their respect, giving back to Kylo’s task. 

In the morning, after they speak to Rey Kylo drops his plans on the kids. Anthony and Kenny both stare at him, “she really has nothing?” Asks Anthony who shared such a bond with her he can’t believe this new development. 

“It’s bare.”

“What does that mean?” they both ask.

“It’s pretty much empty. Miss Rey never seems to put herself first... so I think it’s time we do.” The boys listen intently to his plan, “and after it’s all done, we can decorate for Christmas.” Giving an example of what she said she enjoyed to get the wheels in their minds turning, “She said she enjoyed bringing you guys around to see lights,” they both warmed to the idea instantly, “maybe we should put up lights for her.”

“She always gives us a chocolate candy cane and we drive through the town at night.” Adds Anthony reminiscing on awe. 

Warmth swelling over Kylo’s nose builds tears in his eyes at the thought of her kindness to them. Specifically then to what she might think of the change. How she might react. He continues with the tasks he needs help with, “which means we need to strictly go through our training and homework so we can get trips out for items we might need,” making sure he would only do big tasks that expected help from adults during the day, promising that they would have necessary roles in this change.

The boys exchange ideas with him. Explaining Rey in ways he was sure he may never know within now and when she returned, deciding on the best ideas to do in the time they had. “Miss Rey can’t know.” They both stare at him as if it was insulting that he didn’t know they knew how a surprise worked. 

In the coming days the boys and Kylo were designing the first of their plans, due to the freezing rain, having the them create art for her walls like they had for theirs at home. Over the weekend Rey promised to call Finn, talking to the boys, watching Kira learn to hold her own, finding out how Rose was doing as well as news about Baby Trooper. She thankfully was still pregnant, and uninterested in spilling the beans on the gender, eliciting some playful choice words making Rose bark a much needed laugh. 

The time she spent talking to them, Kylo spent moving promises, community and family into her apartment with Poe. He wanted her to know she was grounded. That she had a foundation, that she built this, that it wasn’t just someone else’s, that it truly was hers too. 

Poe, Chewie, Rex and Kylo worked all day bringing in the heavier items like a suitable couch for the living room and chair for her desk which he planned on moving upstairs. Twin beds and bedding the boys picked out for sleepovers if their parents let them, an office in the spare room upstairs so she could have dinner with her family in the space in the dining room. Benches for the patio that surrounded an outdoor fireplace that the boys finally came to a decision on the night before. The community pitched in with building some of the furniture too. End tables and her dining room set were made by the shop class in the high school Jacen attended. ‘Children,’ he thought, ‘giving back to her something they made knowing the same understanding of life Rey did, made seeing the outcomes so much better.’ As they unload the finished pieces with Chewie, each of the students involved, shake his hand. Some informing him that it was an honor so work on the project, and another handing off a USB stick of pictures taken in the process. Speechless. That’s the word. When he sees their determination, speechless is exactly how he felt. 

Rey would call frequently, once in their morning and twice in their evening, first for karate and then for bed, lingering as long as she could with Kylo wanting to hear it from him, how his day was. He’d talk to her in a whisper, as if she was right there in his arms. As his voice would trail he’d think about how nice it would be to just touch her skin...play with her hair. He’d close his eyes softly, reopening them, hoping for those moments, but here he was holding a plastic case covering a phone. ‘How far we’ve come,’ he thinks. If technology never evolved he was sure he’d of gone completely crazy by now.

“Just two more days” she promises him. 

Returning her promise, “Just two..” his eyes leak once more. “Be careful, sweetheart.” Traveling never scared him more than when Rey did it. He’d been all over the world in his training and tours, not even thinking about how precious life was. She’d be traveling to Hong Kong, staying briefly and boarding a new plane for an arrival time of four in the afternoon. Excitement he wanted to keep hidden washed over him. He’d ask her if she wanted anything special for dinner when she came home too to lighten his mind.

It was one of the best smiles he’d ever seen, unsure of if it was something he said or the idea of home made food, or both, just then she shook out tears with that lovely grin. “It’ll be breakfast for me since the time change... they say I’ll be messed up for at least a week or so...”

“So breakfast night?” 

Smiling shyly like a school girl, “sounds lovely.” 

Kylo starts rattling off foods and getting her to own up to what she’d really like. He doesn’t need a pen or paper. He stores it like an involuntary skill, similar to breathing. “I can’t, um.. ‘can’t wait to see you,” He croaks. 

She breathes a sigh he can hear, reveling in the sound as if they were happily enjoying a cuddle, pressed sweetly into his chest. “I’m dreaming for the night, with mine.” Reassuring him nothing will keep them apart. “I’m about to board the train, I’ll call when I get to Hong Kong.” She smiles. “Sleep, Kylo. I’m coming home.”

Literally only having one day left, Finn took his family and Kylo to get a Christmas tree for Rey. That could have been a fiasco. But wound up being far better this time bringing the diaper bag and offering KiKi cooled hot chocolate diluted mostly with her milk, but it gave her something of an inclusion she was after. The guys looked at each other like it was the last idea they had, hoping she wouldn’t lose her mind that they tainted her milk. But it worked out, until it was gone. Great... “Screaming for it like she’s going through withdrawal,” Finn calls Rose for advice. The only bits she can give is to just let her run it off. Awesome. Quickly coming to the conclusion that not all ideas are perfect, the guys get tree finding underway, terrified of when that diaper is going to show up.

The tree the boys picked is lovely. Except it’s huge. Bigger thank Kylo, and that means it won’t fit in the apartment. Explaining this takes more time than Finn was ready to give on the matter, now being on borrowed time with KiKi’s choice of toilet times. “For the last time. If the tree is taller than Daddy, it’s too tall for the apartment.” Somehow after the umpteenth time, they settled on one that was just right an ‘short like Daddy.’ Kylo tried his hardest not to laugh at the innocent joke. It was hard. 

For a moment, he could hear his own future with Rey, two children laughing and playing like the boys did looking for the tree. Maybe even having her mildly swollen with a third on the way. He’d strain his neck downward trying to inhale her, to feel her presence in his daydream. Being woken from it hearing Finn thank the man securing it to the van.

Once home the kids all go potty and then head over to Rey’s where Kylo is working on leveling the tree stand. Poe and Kaydel make their way over with some of Rey’s favorite things, like Coke in glass bottles, the tiny candy canes they usually give out after seeing Santa, and the thick hot chocolate Kaydel would make every year that they would load with eggnog instead of whole milk on the weekends leading up to Christmas. Chewie showed up with a box of precut disks he cut from trimmings he made to his own backyard that Kaydel was planning to decoupage black and white pictures to. This was a project. A stinky one that had to stay inside to dry. Perfect. The end result was meaningful and classy and took her well into the night. 

The boys helped run pre-lit garland around the railing outside her front door, found a ‘Santa Please Stop Here’ sign for her stoop, and some sticky snowflakes the boys helped attach to the storm door. Her front door had been replaced by the landlord too having them remove the one they used in place of the original, back into the garage. Overly proud of what they accomplished, Kylo’s face morphed back and forth from happiness to a controlled glow.

“She’s going to love it man,” Poe slapped his shoulder. “You did good.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time waiting for Rey’s flight to arrive feels like it’s taking three times as long due to the beginning of her trip on 2187 leaving him to entertain himself.
> 
> Rey’s return and her response to Kylo’s gift makes him feel like the king of the world.

Kylo is up for most of the night, in and out of sleep and he knows exactly why. Nerves. ‘She boarded the flight already. Two hours in... only two...’ As if that would make it easier. As if counting the minutes would in someway watch over her travels. Sitting up in their bed with his head in his hands he tries to find comfort in his prayers, reasoning that the worst happened already giving way to safer journey.

It doesn’t calm him though. Even his forearms sweat in anticipation of where she could crash this time. He finds himself in the shower just waiting for her to clear Greenland, figuring she could clear at least the difficult places to get to quickly in the event that he could aid her. Opting for the ensuite instead of the bathroom in the hall for obvious reasons, he rinses the doubt from him. There his mind could calculate the peace of being, without the tainted space she left by the tub trying to avoid him. That space needed to be redeemed. Pulling back to now instead of far into the future with his fear, he tries weighing possibilities in how to change that for him...possibly them... that, he was sure would take a lifetime to figure out. At least he had what he did to give to her on her return. His mind swells at the thought of her surprise. The weight it bore. 

Finalizing the shower, he pulls a towel from the rack, thinking about sitting at Dameron’s stoop to clear his mind. ‘December’ he thought looking at his sopping wet mop. ‘Hmm’ he thought, ‘wasn’t there...a...?’ He checks the drawers in the vanity. None open, then the cabinets, showing a couple Epsom salt cylinders. Popping up, swishing his hair somewhat over his face like he’d just shaken water from it, resurfacing from a swim. ‘The other bathroom...shit.’ 

The thought of the space on the wall next to the bathroom panicked him as if an evil presence would grab his ankles and strangle him with his own fear. Still, the interest of the heat and dry hair called to him. Kylo, a man of considerable size and heroism chided himself for being afraid of a spot on the wall, making his moves to get dressed before attempting the leap of faith... in the darkness.

Moving quickly through his regretful place, he found another one... hers. Thoughts prick through his mind as if a wormhole showed him fragments of her life, of the only things that gave her comfort. All estimated guesses, possibly false truths.. like the thought of her being a mother earlier this year.. but the very sight of seeing her there got his wheels turning. ‘If she was homeless, lying next to a heater makes sense,’ he bites his lip remembering how important a hug was to her, touching, the warmth of the fire, or just a connection...’she’d swallow her pride and lie on the floor like a dog for that.’ A heavy sigh passes his lips starring at the spot. Ice cold droplets tumble out of his hair with his moves of uncertainty. Unsure of whether or not their acts of care could truly embrace her the way she needed. The way he planned...

A shiver through him reminds him again of what he was actually searching for to begin with. ‘The hairdryer,’ he squeals in the voice he mimics in his head to sound like Kaydel’s nag. Bending down to open the cabinets, figuring the drawers were just too small, he finds the hairdryer. It looks like a toy in his hands. Small, purple, with a stroke of pink at its handle, and a plug right at the base of it. Kylo, never using one before, looks at the contraption like a curious animal. ‘What kind of idiot puts the plug right there?’ Plugging it carefully into the wall, trying his best to keep it in one spot, turning it on and leaning in to feel the warmth in his now freezing hair. ‘Of all the stupid things,’ he says standing tall and moving his hand roughly from the wall with the dryer still in hand... and on...’what th—‘ he rolls his eyes at himself. ‘Retractable cord,’ he nods, happy she didn’t see that. 

The warm air was nice. He’d change the direction from his hair to his chest and arms just to see how warm it could get. ‘It’s like dryer exhaust, without the fragrance.’ Spending plenty of time playing with it, and just enough to dry his hair, he figures it’s time to stop, referencing his ‘fluffy hair.’ Pulling the plug and resorting it back to its original packaging, he makes note that he may have just found his new favorite tool. 

Making his way to the stoop, Kylo had noticed the frost on the storm door. A sigh ripped through him wondering if the stoop could really give him the peace he needed and closed the door. Thinking of Rey, he pulls out his phone with all the videos he had researched about Shotokan Karate making the commitment to learn this, and to know the language along with it. 

Pulling his hair back with the hair tie he’d kept wrapped around his thumb when it wasn’t in his hair, somewhat of a constant reminder that she was here, alive, looking to return to him...her promise. Kylo began his routine, preparing with the stretches he’s practiced with every morning and afternoon with the boys. Notably faster. Focused. Controlled. And just like in every other aspect in his warrior’s life, perfect. He may be just beginning, but determined to make sure this stays sacred for Rey. For what it means to her, and what it’s clarified for him. 

———

Sunday’s hours feel like days. Days. The wait is just the worst. He’s watched the dawn brighten the sky, turn to morning, casting shadows until midday, finally recreating now passing shadows, begging for the moments to pass to get to the one he wants, desperately. Scouring the internet to seen if the unthinkable happened, he only finds more posted tributes to her, movements in her honor, a community alive with purpose, nothing though, nothing on United Flight Number 2871. He checks the virtual map seeing the icons practically a centimeter away from the ending point. “Guys?” He calls over his shoulder at Finn’s. 

The boys run out the door on either side of him both racing to their seats. Finn carries out KiKi in her bucket, Kylo stuffed and sling the diaper bag over his shoulder too like they’ve practiced enough to be a perfect entourage. 

Driving to the airport had Kylo’s stomach in knots. He’s not sure how many Gods he’s prayed to for her safe return. Ready to take the return trip into his prayers when they park, gaining the crew and walking in to wait within the international area. Kylo doesn’t have to wait long now seeing the band of color on the screen confirm its arrival in green. Both Kenny and Anthony hold his hands waiting in the center of the opening refusing to sit, waiting for their Rey. 

Patiently almost twenty minutes later, there she is! Walking steadily, square as she had with Anthony suggesting she may be in considerable pain. He drinks her in, unable to rush to her through the threshold. She’s wearing a white, flowing sweater with flared sleeves starting from her shoulders, her black leggings, and those crappy black flats he’s dying to replace and burn. She looks as though she’s being followed by a wall of people, she greets them as they brush her arm in praise for her service in the sky. Some saying they had family onboard, others just for five seconds in her gaze. But once locked onto Kylo’s, he watched as the only disruptions came from her blinking eyelids. His grip tightens on the boy’s hands, trying to keep from being tackled if he crossed that line.

Just a half step more and she had been welcomed home first by Anthony and Kenny, who ripped their hold from Kylo in an instant. Their sneakers hammered into the tile below thundering hard to get to her. “Miss Rey!!” They screamed, with open arms. “We missed you!!” She kneeled down to them with the slightest of grimaces etches it’s way through her smile. 

‘That’s horrific pain.’ He thought in a panic. “Babe,” he whispered leeching forward to hold her. Kylo drops to his knees, wrapping them all up in a comforting hug. The boys, not knowing the full story, pause greeting her with pressed foreheads, excitement brimming of what they have at home for her. Lifting her gaze to Kylo, springs new tears in their eyes. Without giving it a second more, both of his hands cup her face, bringing her in with care, “Rey” croaks, pulling her in for a kiss that is wildly recorded from onlookers who realize who she is, but in this moment it doesn’t phase them. Their lives and their family’s is all that mattered, and their kids. 

It couldn’t be possible that she tasted sweeter or could possibly have softer lips in the last few weeks, but with heightened senses, near death experience, Kylo was sure her essence had blossomed. She met her purpose and renewed herself in the process, leaving his body begging and him wanting. Slowing to tell her, she giggles, and usually he’d be worried about standing with his bulge pressing for release in public but it was evidently not the case today, worsening in tightness as she insists she’ll take good care of him at home.

‘Home... that’s right... home!’ “Do you have everything, sweetheart?”

“Everything I need.” Her eyes still piercing through his trying to comfort his soul. They rise, Kylo giving her extra support, raising her to her feet, asking to carry her all the way to the van. He watches carefully as she declines but asks for a bath at home instead. 

“Anything.” He breathes, “I’ll give you everything.”

Finn and KiKi hadn’t gone unnoticed. Their lovely family had been Rey united, lifting KiKi from her stroller to accept her welcome home too. Kira cried holding Rey tightly around her neck so much so that Rey opted to just carry her to the van. 

“I missed you,” she leaned her forehead into Kira’s making small talk with her pacified youngster, trying to hold both boy’s hands in one hand all the way out. That was a feat. 

———

The second week in December always gave promise of snow and their return trip to home was no different. His heart swells at her excitement over it. His lips press together thinking about how close she was... blinking away his worry, watching her and the boys try to catch flakes on their tongues like free souls. The large flakes landing in their hair like they’d been in a snow globe. 

Kylo’s mind races all the way home, trying to calm it, but the surprise is too large, his leg bounces all the way back. ‘It hasn’t done that since high school,’ he thinks. ‘Control,’ he commands himself. 

Careful in their conversations, Finn thankfully brings up Rose and that she’s doing well. “She’s past the terrifying point, still needs to stay pregnant though. Best case scenario is January. Then at least Baby Trooper will be able to stabilize temperature on their own and have enough weight on him or her to come home.”

“Well, I’ll pray for that then.” She smiles up at him. 

Their descending down their hill to Finn’s driveway first to park, Rey catches a glimpse of her doorway, tightening her grip on Kylo’s. “You guys decorated my stoop?” At no answer, “it’s beautiful.” The lights hold the natural white glow within the garland wrapped around the railing. She covers her gasp seeing they’d gotten her a Santa sign. Rey thanks them over and over for this simple gesture, “you didn’t have to.”

Kylo leans into her, “but we wanted to. You deserve this and so much more,” leading her out of the van with a promise she’s unsure how to place. The boys run up to the door showing her the snowflakes they placed on her door, eliciting a lovely thank you for each, they press to the side so she can open her door. 

“You fixed my door?” Realizing the key wouldn’t work, she watches Kylo pull new ones out of his pocket. “Thank you.” She offers a soft peck, sure the kids didn’t need to be over exposed. 

Kylo nudges her with a nuzzle, “welcome home babe,” urging her to push open the door. 

She does. Stunned. He watches as she takes in their work, unable to move for more than a moment she draws her hand up to cover her mouth, “You did this for me?” The question shudders through her voice. 

Taking from her selflessness, he answers, “we all did,” on her turn she notices the crowd that had silently built in her driveway. Among them, Chewie and his wife Maz, the Doom’s, Jacen’s shop class, and Kaydel with Poe. She waves trying to thank them all, pulling her arm in to wave her friends in out of the cold. 

“We’re coming! Go see first, child!” Hollered Maz. 

Rey nods letting the boys lead. They show her the kitchen first, dressed up with a circular nook table that the leaves could come down on for space, currently up, decorated with a red table cloth, plates, cups, mugs, utensils she’s never owned, set up like a buffet to grab drinks and what else? She’s not sure. The kitchen is decorated with the boys paper strung garland loops of red and green in the doorways and by the windows. Having Rey whisper thank you’d the whole way through. 

Proudly showing her their artwork and explaining each one and who did it and what Kira was doing while they tried stamping her foot in green paint to make her tree. The boy’s giggles and story telling is warming. 

Slowly preceding to the living room where Kylo took the liberty to staple lights around the perimeter of the room. She saw that first, loving just that. It reminded Kylo of the way the sun’s rays would trickle in at just the right moments to tell him she was ok. Or when his mind was full of thoughts of her...not just light, but golden light. He watches on, carefully approaching her as she takes in the sight of the decorated combined rooms, her ratty couch is gone, replaced with a chestnut colored tanned leather sectional that wrapped the back wall with the bend of the corner chair, a mounted flat screen on the wall, and what was there then replaced now with a coffee table Jacen’s friends just finished that day in the same style they created her other surfaces with. Small lamps and little nicknacks decorated those spaces.

A Christmas Tree stood in front of her, easily seen from the doorway as if it was calling for her as soon as they walked in. Too beautiful not to see up close, she noticed it had been lit in colored bulbs, he watches her smile as the boys tell her what they picked, the light color being one of them. Rey looks quickly back at Kylo, whispering a question, incredulously, “where did you find these?” 

“Chewie came with them.”

Ornaments showing pictures of her childhood, growing up with Finn and Kaydel in their later years, pictures of Armitage and Andrew, a few of himself dressed in uniform, and without. There were more of the boys and a group picture on another. A few ornaments with wood burned quotes in them that she had said to him, of the most important, close to the star, ‘Make them Matter.’

Hooking her arm through his, she clutched him tightly, her closeness being all he’s ever wanted, he’d hold her hand to his bicep steadying her as she had been welcomed into her own home. He reveled in the way she loved everything, from the table and chairs in the dining room, to the reasons for the office being upstairs, the high back on her chair, all the space she could possibly need for working in the United States. He stresses, “at home.”

The talk about the boy’s sleepover room, “because even I started to feel lonely without them after my days with them...and if I felt it, I’m sure you feel it too.” The room is lovely. The boys picked out two separate colors of course, one in blue and the other in grey camouflage, and a short dresser with two silver touch lamps on it for light. Decorated cleanly with a shelving unit to put a small children’s library for story time too.

Their room as a couple, changed slightly. Their bedspread now a deep green like the leaves in the summer, hopefully representing to her a lush life full of love and commitment. Kylo had pictures of them from their FaceTime calls printed and put in a hanging wall collage of frames, which she was intent on looking at silently. 

“I still have your old stuff in the garage if all of this is too much... um... if,” he can’t seem to formulate a sentence let alone a word now the way she’s looking at him. 

“You. Decorated. Our. Home. With. Your. Heart.” She makes her way to him and leans into his chest, “I would never return something that you’ve done out of love, Kylo.” 

The drumming of his heartbeat in his chest is deafening, now so much louder as if it’s hammering in his ears. Unable to make another sound, Rey’s lips find his once more. Feverishly tugging him on. Trying to make him see how appreciative she is. For him, what he had done for her. He wants to pull her on, but there’s people here, the kids in their room, “ I have one more surprise for you, sweetheart.” He waves everyone back downstairs, breakfast, the works with eggs, bacon, toast, fruit danishes and cinnamon rolls waged through the house, but it wasn’t time for that either. “Out here,” he tugs on the sliding door leading out to a low kindling fire with a bench and a couple chairs to set around. Anthony explained the cushions have a space in the garage if it rains, and Maz had crocheted blankets for this space too. They were simply gorgeous. Heavy, and so soft she didn’t want to put it down. 

New tears replenished the ones she’d already spent thanking everyone individually. Emotion was thick out in the cold winter’s air. The boys growing impatient and ready for their sticky rolls ask if they can eat. “Why don’t we all go,” Rey invites everyone back in to enjoy the meal prepared. 

This is certainly the first breakfast night where Rey has had more than two eggs and orange juice, and well more people to talk to than herself. Kylo helps himself to more sweets than he’s had in years, gaining almost a buzz which he can see she’s getting a kick out of. A slight flick of her tongue over her lower lip across the room from him has him seeing stars. His eyes begging for this night to wrap up already.

As it does, Kylo thanks everyone that helped, knowing he’d give back to everyone in this community for giving their time to help Rey. The boys hug them wanting a sleepover that evening, but are promised one as soon as Miss Rey is back on their time. “Can we sleep over all next week?” Asks Kenny. 

“Uh we’ll see,” says Finn, shaking Kylo’s hand and trying to tug them out the door. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, we can talk then.” The boys jump up and down, knowing full well, ‘well talk then’ is Kylo’s secret code for ‘yes.’ 

All at once they’re finally alone. Quiet stretches across the room. Her shy smile, leading him home. 

——

“It’s lovely, all of it,” her voice is small in the afterglow of their shared moment, only lit by the hanging lights and the tree. His fingers skate over her bare shoulders, down as far as the base of her back and back to him while she lays comfortably still mounted with her chest still pressed onto his own. 

He hums unsure of what else to say and then, “so are you.” The exhaustion of his body sags into the couch, needing her to find her most comfortable place within his arms, to fall asleep. Like Kira, the soft and steady beats in her chest, her breaths on his skin, pull him down, closer and closer into a rested slumber. His mind though. It’s still working as it used to, asks her for the story. 

“Not before bed, Kylo.” She whispers, “we’re here together now. That’s what matters.” 

And with that, he’s finally calm enough for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was music for this too but I will have to post later.
> 
> Beginning While Kylo is worried about Rey's flight and the time between (Especially for the space by the tub):  
> A Warm Place by Nine Inch Nails
> 
> Rey’s Return At the airport:  
> Here At Last (Loudan Remix) - William Black & Rico & Miella
> 
> —-
> 
> I am also wondering from those who have been reading this if there’s a preference to how I post Rose’s child’s birth, repercussions of Rey’s involvement on Flight Number 2187, and her mastery level upgrade from third to fourth degree Black Belt (which would suppose the time involved for Kylo’s advancement.) originally I was going to write it and post it as an epilogue but it seems like it would be way too long, now that I type this out here. 
> 
> If you don’t see an epilogue, expect like 3 more chapters. Haha.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey wake up together in want of the other. Needing to stay connected with him, she stands by all day trying to get used to this time change. 
> 
> Kylo finds him protecting her more and with news of Baby Trooper scheduled for tomorrow, and the surprise of prying FBI agents that had come to give her a summons and ask her some questions, it has the couple bringingbin some good friends to get through this information.

A light snore and a passing breath leave Kylo’s lips, pressing out heat down into Rey’s hair, enough so to wake her from what would be a morning catnap around the world. Her tiny movements, nuzzling her flesh into his, pulls at his exhausted state, opening his eyes barely past slits seeing the golden haze in his sand crusted eyelids. Blinking it out he watches her push up slightly over him humming in appreciation. ‘What is it she could be looking at?’ For a moment he thinks he’s dreaming, watching her hair fall over her shoulders, unbeknownst to him, the way the dim lights glow over his fine tuned muscular curves has her studying him. As if they hadn’t had each other Rey makes her way down to him savoring every inch of his exposed body. Unblemished, beauty marked or scarred, she would bare a sweetness matched with a need that would strain with passes of her rented arousal.

Now, oh now he can feel her awakening him in such an passioned rhythm his grip on her becomes tighter, what was once soft and lingering at her entrance is hard and pressing into her, where he belongs. Her whine and arch of approval has his chest constricting with almost a painful pant followed by a hard thrust up into her center, releasing his own shout of honest need. 

Relief.

Relief for her. For her safety. Knowing she is well. Where she belongs. Protected. Provided for... but most of all, loved. Loved with such a force he knows he’d surely die if she did. How close he was to ending his own life seeing that plane crash. Plowing up into her soft, melting core, he forgets that need. Only able to see her desired cry, to hear her breath speed up and her walls clench around him. ‘What a marvelous way to wake up,’ he thought, begging her to come with him. The sound of his breathy, strained desire is enough to tip her over, spiraling downward back onto his chest, exhausting both back into their peaceful slumber.

Morning comes quickly for Kylo, being ready to handle the kids as he has for the last three weeks, now going back to a normal routine. Rey dresses too, to his surprise, “I don’t want to be alone,” she says quietly. 

Kylo’s heart constricts nodding her on silently. The kids love seeing her anyways, excitement roars through them and then silence. A quietness Finn only experiences when they’re sleeping. The three of them cuddle into her enjoying an easy morning, leading up to school, not wanting to leave her side for Kylo to walk them in. Rey nods to him to walk in together, despite not wanting the repercussions of what has been smeared all over the media. Kylo feels the pull within her uninterested in the hype that has been built on her name, family and the skills she values that saved her and hundreds more. 

The world knows him and the kids now too which also gets under his skin, wishing people would just respect their privacy. Her story, something he wants desperately, she hasn’t been forthcoming about due to the time of night or so she said. His mind starts wandering as they make it to the blacktop, until he hears that wench Lord over Rey. 

A crowd comes up to them making Rey visibly uncomfortable. Her eyes wide and her lips tight, dying to get out of this space, as if their show of pride for her was poison. This woman he loved was the epitome of humble. She, even in this heroic act, couldn’t handle the pressure of extreme praise. 

“Sweetheart,” calling her attention back from the nether of her thoughts, “The boys have gone in. Let’s go take care of you.” His voice filled with a promise to everything she might ever need, pressing out of this clutter of people. The unfriendly wench, snarling about Kylo’s position on this, not letting her bask in their gifts of attention. “Can’t you see that it might be unwelcome?” He stands up for Rey. “Can’t you understand that it was a stressful time for her? Maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t want to talk about it or be glorified for it because it goes against who she is as a person? No right? All you can see is what you want. Leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you, she’ll seek you out.” His frame puffed out, ready for a fight, but contained due to the frustration that these were only a bunch of whiny housewives who had no concept of honor, especially not like Rey. 

“Come on Kylo,” She nudges lovingly into his arm, “take me home?”

Noticing the color had returned to her face, he nods, turning Kira’s stroller and leaving briskly for the van. 

“Thank you,” he hears her say once they’re all in. “You’re right, by the way...it’s a lot to process.” She sniffs. 

“Hey,” his eyes widen. “You don’t have to answer to anyone. Those women do that to everyone it seems.” He explains, “don’t worry about them. They aren’t worth it. Just us, and our friends and their families... and maybe one day ours if I’m lucky enough,” he swallows. That was certainly a thought he didn’t mean to have slip out. Especially only a few weeks into their relationship, but there it was, just like that ‘love grenade’ he tossed, God, what was happening to him?

Rey leans in to his space looking up into his eyes as if she’d found what she’s been looking for, “You want this? A family? With me?” She whispers. 

He can’t help but feel his return lean, with his eyes still locked on hers, blush spreading like wildfire over his face and surely through the rest of his skin considering how flushed and exposed he now was with his openness. Kylo reaches for her hand, the left where a ring would go, rubbing that finger intentionally with his thumb. “Nothing,” He croaks, “would give me a greater honor than to be that for you. To have that with you. You’re my sun and stars... I thought, I thought I lost you Rey.” He clenches and released his jaw ready to speak again, “I didn’t want to live in a world that you weren’t in. I—need you. That is if you’ll have me..” He looks away from her.

A soft touch of her skin to his his face brings back his gaze. “Kylo,” She sounds as if she’s an angel, staring at him in awe, “Yes...” she dives across the divide towards him. Clutching his face in between her hands, admitting to all the fear she had going through the hijacking and what fighting meant to her, “I was so afraid I’d never see you again,” her lovely face frowns and new tears flow freely down her face, “this, us... a future with you.. it’s all I want.” She kisses him in a furry of need. 

He slows her, “the only thing I regret is telling you in the school parking lot... we have to move or they’ll tow the van,” he chuckles joyfully. 

“Yes I suppose you’re right, but it was the right time...” she paused, “I really needed to hear that truthfully.” She seats herself back down into her chair. 

On the drive back, Kylo explained how truly sorry he was for the days leading up to her flight, and how the tainted spaces in her house made in vain still haunted him. “I just need you to know I... it was never out of trying to control you... I was actually terrified I was going to loose you.” He pulls into the driveway, “I couldn’t deal with it. You’re just too impo—“

Now that they’re back and Kiki’s asleep in her car seat, he feels her lean in again with every intention to get on his lap. To be closer to him. The warmth it provides is so unimaginably comforting. “I’ll give you my world Kylo, everything. Just to always have you. Everything else is fluff.” And that’s just it. He’s won. They’ve won each other. Solidly. 

Kylo had done what she’d asked and brought her home. Now exhausted being nine in the evening on the other side of the world, Rey begins to nod off, “please don’t let me sleep for long,” She asks softly. 

Kylo thumbs over her backside, promising comfort and safety, watching Kira explore their place instead of hers. A light smile plays across his lips, approving of her decision at a short nap. 

Their day takes them through usual activities all the way through the evening when Rey actually gives up for the night while changing for karate. Anthony, who recently learned that Brown Belts do actually teach, is okay with this since it’s been a fun challenge bringing a Kylo up to speed. 

A hard knock at the door makes Kylo jump, forgetting all about telling Finn they were at Rey’s not his. Apologizing as he opened the door, “wait who are you?”

Two men of average height and textbook looks, very interested in their subject speak. “I’m Agent Wexley” says the lighter skinned, stockier man, “and this is Agent Windu.” Speaking for his generously darker toned, taller man next to him. “Were with the F.B.I.” The pair show their identification license, “Is Ms. Kenobi here?”

“She’s sleeping. What’s this all about?” Kylo stands tall in his karate uniform, puffing out his chest in protection for his girl and the kids he’s in charge of watching. 

“We need to hand deliver her a court summons and ask her a few questions.”

“Can you wait until the children’s father comes to pick them up? Rey hasn’t spoken a word about it and we don’t need to stress out the kids.” 

“How long will it be?” Asks Agent Wexley.

“A couple hours? Usually around 8pm, so long as his wife doesn’t go into la—“ Kylo receives a call, “It’s cold. Why don’t you come in and have a seat? I can’t have the door open and freeze the baby. I need to take this...” holding his phone up but not moving down the hall more than a couple feet. “Finn? What’s going on?”

The men discuss both Rose’s situation and the one playing out at Rey’s. “So tomorrow? Do you need anything?” He listens, “Yeah they said something about a summons? Why would F.B.I. Hand deliver a summons?” Gaining more insight from Finn, “Oh is that all?” He says sarcastically making a joke about saving lives of suicide bombers as if they would have shown mercy on the flight and let everyone out before blowing it up. Kylo stares the men down that are now sitting in their kitchen. “The boys are over and we have Kira’s pack-n-play. When do you think you’ll be back?” Kylo nods even though Finn can’t see it. “Ok we’ll see you then.”

Kylo motions a finger to the agents to wait, corralling the boys from karate, asking Anthony to go first, followed by Kenny, following up with the fact that their Dad had some very exciting news that we should all get ready for. Talk about the baby started to come up, and Kylo confirms, “Dad said tomorrow morning.”

The boys excitedly jump up and down calling for Miss Rey, and running up to her room. “Miss Rey! Miss Rey! The baby’s coming!” 

Rey pops up at the sound of their hammering feet and excitement. Rubbing at her eyes she yawns through her own happy sound. Rey approaches them from her room sleepily, but excited for them, they walk with her hand in hand down to the first landing. “Are they done with training?” she asks Kylo who’s standing at the bottom of the stairs. At his nod, she asks who’s turn it was for a shower, saying, “we need to be ready for when Daddy gets home if the baby is coming tomorrow like you say. We should probably go next door though because your pajamas are there, and KiKi needs to get ready too.”

The boys practically run to get their things stopping by the door, “who are you?” They both ask. Kenny’s piercing look cuts through Agent Wexley’s gaze making him look away. 

“There are people here to see Miss Rey.” Explains Kylo.

She returns to him down the stairs, looking carefully towards where Kylo motions. Her brow furrows. “Can I help you?” She offers. 

Both men stand and find their way down the hall to her, first handing her the summons. Rey holds it but doesn’t look at it. “You’re required to give your accounts on Flight Number 2187.” Agent Wexley begins.

“And who are you?” She asks plainly. They explain flashing the same credentials from their wallets. Rey asks for it again, examining both of them carefully, as if she’d been smelling a scam or something incriminating. “Alright. I suppose you have some questions for me?” She looks for and finds her phone, first taking a picture of the agents, then the documents and setting the recording button for this conversation. “What do you want to know that isn’t being observed properly under the court of law? Are you worried I’m involved with something far sinister? That I engage for fun? Is that it? Can’t you just understand that I fought in fear? That all I wanted was to see my family again? Can you not accept that?” 

The men stammered backwards, caught. “No ma’am.” 

“Then what is it you were hoping to ask from me outside of the hearing?” The silence was deafening. “I see. I believe you need to leave.”

The agents look at each other, nodding at her curtly and make their way to the door, passing by the boys. “Just make sure you can prove your story.” 

“My STORY?!”

The door closes behind them leaving the boys wondering what happened. 

——-

Next door they clean up, have dinner and get ready for bed all before Finn gets home. As he enters he’s met with his happy, excited family. 

“Yes, Baby Trooper is coming tomorrow morning.” 

“Do we all get to go?” Asks Anthony. 

“Yep.” Finn says tightly. “The only—“

The boys excitedly start guessing names and running all over the place. He looks up in exasperation at Kylo and Rey who seem to be handling something all there own. At Finn’s posed question, Rey explains that they would speak after the kids went to bed. 

Finn wasn’t the only one they looked to speak with. Kylo had reached out to Rex, Chewie and Poe who brought Kaydel to discuss the approach today. Rey not wanting to bring it up or relive her experience did once everyone had been seated around the couch, with coffee or cocoa, anything they thought to calm the atmosphere. 

Kylo could picture it as she spoke. Everything down to the light of the day in the brightness of the sunlight setting on her horizon reflecting on the plane in the mid afternoon. Being a linguist, she noticed a change in normal conversations, she wasn’t trying to listen to out of respect. “I thought it was a tif the couple was having, but noticed a different dialect, it morphed between the two,” She shakes her head, “it was Arabic. Obviously I profiled it, being through my services in the field.” She didn’t wait for that to sink in even though she knew she was talking to servicemen of multiple professions. “I heard then saw three of them stand towards the back of the plane. A woman and a child, maybe Jacen’s age sat next to me, scared. Their family was across the way trying to tell each other that they would be ok but sat accepting that they were going to die along with every soul boarded. 

Rey explains how she maneuvered the isles begging the people in their languages to be silent as she passed. One and then the next dropped, mercilessly to the floor, “I can’t erase what their children have seen.” She lowers her head as if she’d failed them.

“But they’re alive,” Rex offers. 

Rey gives a slow nod, still trying to accept that.

“How many were there in total?” Asks Poe. 

“Seven.” 

Kylo tightens his grip on her making her gasp. “I’m sorry,” he says, blinded by all his fear. His body accepting her lean, She whispers her normal response being that she’s here and not to worry. 

“I understand they got to the cockpit,” said Chewie with an underlying proud moment brewing between them. 

“Yes and thank you for that.” She smiles for the first time, “I’ve never flown a passenger aircraft before,” covering her mouth as she said it. 

“Hang on!” Poe shouts, “you knew?!” He pops up from the couch looking at Chewie like he’d gained another head. He spent time at Finn’s trying to keep Kylo from losing his own, grumbling now needing an answer as if he himself was Rey’s.

The whole room felt like it was shattering into a silent argument of glares. “No!” Chewie started, “we had no idea this was going to happen!” He launched himself up to his feet, now towering over Poe. “Support was called for as they pushed on towards the heart of China. Engine trouble. I knew 2187 was Rey’s flight so we sent out the drone at the same time as the call.”

“We we’re descending rapidly. I’m certain it was tampered with. It doesn’t make sense. It was fine for ten hours and then a change in the terrorist’s security magically pushing out a new development since bombs were no longer an option.” She snorts. Rey continued explaining where the Flight Marshals came across the other two, followed by actually having to sit and try being the copilot, “just like old times,” she smiled at him.

Chewie explains that she had a couple of flying lessons with him when she was a teenager, but then he was deployed and hadn’t really been home since. “After that Maz ran the dojo, and continued teaching her.”

Rey smiles at the thought.

“What did you mean when you said I’d ‘drown in your past ‘then?” Kylo can’t help his words. 

“Oh no,” Kaydel spits a curse.

Rey gets up and walks to the tree, pulling the ornament of the first picture she took as a child. “I didn’t know what a camera was until this was printed from it.” She swallows thickly. “I was almost seven here.” She shudders through a yawn, Kaydel now standing by her side, offering the last of the Brandy she snuck over with. Rey indiscreetly, takes a large swing of it, offering the bottle back to Kaydel who tells her to keep it. 

A heavy sigh passes through her and her anger begins to boil. A rage no one has seen that had been suppressed by the need of human connection to replace what was lost after so many years abandonment. Almost kindly, she says, “I am the byproduct of a human trafficking scheme that had been run all over the world selling people, like my parents, whoever they might be, as slaves. Call it what you will that was my life, traveling in stollen places, thrown out like garbage, used and abused like I was a thing. I wish I couldn’t remember any of it. The cold was biting, homelessness has nothing on what this was. They were miserable people that would interact with me from when I was smaller and couldn’t I communicate. Fear mostly. But I was a mute. It was the safest thing to be. I allowed a lot, not knowing how to fight for myself. Predators, in their own specific fields had their way,” motioning at her scars and so on. She took another hard swallow of the bronzed liquid, as if she expected it to erase what she could feel. 

Kylo felt his body convulse at the rage he felt for everything she had been saying and not completely speaking of, “please Rey,” he gets up, “sweetheart, stop...I’m sorry I asked. I shouldn’t have.“

Chewie clarified that Rey was six when him and his wife had met her. “We didn’t know she had no family, we just assumed things were hard.” He said. “She just showed up and started mimicking one of Maz’s instructors.” Having no children themselves, it kind of morphed from seeing her at Maz’s dojo to being part of the community. “We figured we were giving her a place to be— had we have known—“

“You couldn’t have fixed it if you tried, Chewie..” she places the ornament back on the tree. “It’s not like you can just shoot at the swarm of roaches and they’ll all leave willingly.”

She continues as though the house is a submarine taking on water, “I found a lot of the details out with the help Maz and Kaydel...I just never thought I’d have to repeat them.” She hands back the bottle, “it’s on you if you want to continue.” 

Kaydel takes a swig, “fuck that.” Promoting a giggle.

Kylo, stomach knots, feeling just as sick as he did with the near loss of her. Snapping fiercely back to his warrior mode, ‘who do I need to kill?’ “Why am I allowed near you?” His voice unnaturally as dark as his thoughts, dying to touch her. His hands hover over her shoulders, hoping she won’t say no. Not now. He won’t be able to contain himself if he’s not allowed. Feeling her skin on his, pushing into him deliberately, rattled him to his core. Pushing him to thank God for this. For her choice.

“You gave me a reason... so many reasons to trust you.” She whispered towards the tree. “I really didn’t want to pull you down with the ship... but you asked. I might as well just say it now before some asshole tells me they think they know me...and to fess up to some inlaid plan to kill Iraqis.” She shakes her head. “What do you think they’ll want from me?”

“Probably a demonstration,” sighs Rex, “and more than anything else, the truth.” 

Rey nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for this chapter: 
> 
> Nero by Two Steps From Hell
> 
> Dark Down Below by Kloud


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuesday is a bear of a day. Rose gives birth, but they don’t tell her what the gender is for weeks. 
> 
> Rey has trouble of her own dealing the accusations of terrorist envolvement. 
> 
> And they meet Baby Trooper. :)

That evening, Kylo offered Rey a bath, as they had always done. It had become their thing. ‘This,’ he thought, ‘maybe this could be the way he cleanses her of her past. Starting as carefully as he could he’d started with her hair apologizing for asking such an intimate question in front of everyone. “I didn’t know it would be that deep...” his voice was hoarse enough to call her back from her thoughts. 

“Kylo. You’re not them. You couldn’t have known. I feel safe with you. If I didn’t you wouldn’t know. You wouldn’t be here... you’d still be on Poe’s stoop ogling what you thought was a lonely stay at home mom.” 

Kylo’s lips show a small smile. “I just want... to give you everything.”

“And you have Kylo. You’ve given me more than I could have ever dreamed, and it isn’t the stuff. You’ve given me a comfort, I’ve never known. Love and hope I could only dream of, and a reason to fight... all I need is you Kylo.” Sudsy wild hair, “and our friends... and maybe one day our own family,” the thought of it makes him strain against the cold wall of the tub. 

His mouth works before his brain again, thinking he may have just asked to join her, and the enjoyment that had come from her response is enough to fully undress at her breathy, “yes.”

——-

Just as Monday’s quick call, Tuesday seemed to scream through their week. Starting blisteringly fast, the crew made it into and out of the van as if it was rehearsed for the entire eight months of Rose’s pregnancy. 

“Rose is being prepped in Labor and Delivery,” said Finn who was nowhere near calm. The beads over his brow signified the very stages of Finn’s fainting routine. 

“Calm down. This is baby number four... if you faint they’ll charge you for a bed.” Rey’s giggles returned to her. Keeping it light, they follow him to the counter to ask where their mother is and if they can visit with her before they take her. 

The nurse behind the counter told them only immediate family, and followed up with, no one remotely sick either since it was the heart of flu season. ‘Immediate family’ struck a chord with Rey though, and it didn’t go unnoticed. 

Maybe it was his heightened awareness given her past, or just that being alone made her less like herself, rather, the Rey that everyone seemed to know. It had him knowingly bring her in for a hug, and guide her away from the counter. She moved like a lost child, and so he comforted her like one. Not out of disrespect, but more out of the inability to know what else to do. If more was too much within the reference she had displayed, he certainly didn’t want to cross any lines. ‘Who knew childcare could be so helpful,’ he thought. 

The boys and Kira get to see their Mother for a half hour, escorted only so that Rose could be sent on to her emergency c-section. Unsure of why it was an emergency if it was scheduled last night, Kylo stays silent trying to figure it out in his head. This seems safer to do there instead of out loud. Everything he lets slip winds up getting him into so much more, right now he’s not sure he can handle it. 

The boys take turns guessing what time Baby Trooper will be born, and if they’ll have another brother or sister. “Or twins!” Adds Kenny. 

“Oh no, they know they have one in there.” Says Rey covering her mouth and leaning into Kylo, “could you imagine Finn’s face?” Lifting both hands and smiling widely, “surprise!” Kylo fights the urge to ask how many she wants but the question is still lit in his eyes. She only answers it in a lean on his shoulder. 

An hour and a half later a lullaby floats through the speaker. The boys, who had been playing, ‘avoid the white tiles’ perk up with wide eyes. “The baby!” They shout, surprising KiKi out of her cat nap, who whines a cry in protest. Kylo’s hand feels cooler at Rey’s release trying to watch as the baby is carted right out and to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit downstairs. “Did you see?” Shouts Anthony, poking his head through the door.

“They went too quickly,” she covers her mouth, “I hope Baby okay,” she whimpers.

More time passes until Finn and Rose we’re coming down the hallway, ready to go up to her room for recovery. “Rey!” Rose’s voice silences the hallway. 

“Rose!” Rey rushes to her friend stopping the nurse completely. 

Kylo watches on as they touch foreheads like she did with KiKi all of those weeks ago. ‘It must just be what they do?’ Another question passes through to his mental jar, wanting to know the reason for it. 

“You look beautiful,” she said to her friend. 

“Rey, I look like a watermelon that just had a marble.” The girls share a laugh. “I’m so glad you’re safe. Come with me to my room?” At Rey’s nod, she lets the nurse take her up and follows with Kylo and the kids.

Rose’s room has been well lived in. She has stuff everywhere. It almost looks like her old apartment. Bags everywhere, food stored in one that looked like she robbed the cafeteria downstairs. A blanket she tried working on and gave up on in the same day looked like a wild animal got to it. Kylo’s face however was rich enough for Rose to completely cackle at. “Tell him to stop,” she says in Vietnamese to Rey.

“Stop what?” Rey returns. 

“Stop making me laugh. That face!” She pushes out on her own, looking like a scared child avoiding poop, “it hurts! Stop!”

“Too much gas?” Referring to her medicine.

“Rey he can’t stay if he keeps doing it.”

Rey shakes her head, “Rose would like you to stop making the face” she points to Rose, “says you’re hurting her making her laugh.”

‘Um?’ He smiles instead unsure of what else to do. 

The boys climb up onto her bed, and KiKi is placed with them for a picture and cuddle their mom and Finn by her side. Rey turns into Kylo, his arm draped around her waist, he leans into Rey, giving her a little sway of a motion, promising her, “one day...”

——

The hearing room was large, ornate, smelling of freshly lacquered wood, leather and sin. Rey swallowed uncomfortable by this place. It promised the ending of freedom. Surely she should t be at the receiving end of that, she only acted in protection. Her body began to shake in fear that she could have acted wrongly. “Babe,” Kylo crooned into her hair, “you’re safe. You saved so many. I’d be surprised if they didn’t honor you for it.” That was another correct thing to say, even though he meant it, it steadied her.

“I’d like you by my side Kylo,” she looks up to him.

At his nod, their met by the smallest lady he’s ever seen, ‘oh wait no... organic produce lady?’ 

“Rey? It’s so good to see you, dear,” she says. “Chewie told me. I’m so glad you had what you needed. I can’t barely think of what could have happened to you if you didn’t.” She chokes out a sob.

“You taught me well. I couldn’t have done any of it without you Maz.” She hugs the older woman. 

‘Maz?’ Kylo thinks, ‘oh my God and I left her in the market that day...ugh...’ Kylo shifts uncomfortably. 

“Oh, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Kylo Ren.” She smiles at his ashen face, “Are you ok?” 

“Ye-um. Yes.” He clears his throat, looking at the smaller, older woman. Her kind smile is inviting, wrinkling her face all the way up to her eyes, ‘way too much sun,’ he thinks. “I believe we’ve met,” his voice, that much higher now, offering his hand to shake hers, “one day at the market... when you helped me with salmon?” Kylo tried just too hard to get that out. 

Maz cleans and adjusts her glasses, looking Kylo over. He’s dressed properly in his uniform along with Rey, Poe and everyone in attendance that served or currently still participating in tours. His hair pulled back at a half ponytail similar to Rey’s, because she loves it. “Oh the boy that gave me my cart. Yes I remember you. Helped me with organic produce. How are you dear?”

‘Um what?’”Good and you?”

“I’ll be better when this garbage is over with. Rey tells me you’ve started your white belt? Come see me in two months. I’ll test you.” She winks. 

“I saved you a place by me. I figure they may have questions for my Sensei.” Rey smiles, ready to sit in her chair. 

It takes almost no time to fill in the courtroom. A mass of people stand outside the now closed doors, then pile around the windows too. For a moment, she remembers how much bigger a scene this was from simply keeping a few families safe. Everything though. Everything was on the table, messages to Kylo and ones she received from him. Nothing incriminating obviously... but it didn’t take from this being a daunting task, even after Wexley and Windu showed up. 

As the panel of judges come out, they’re asked to rise and sit. One of them introduces this hearing as Flight Number 2187 Miracle of the Valley, asking Rey to swear in with the officer on the Bible. Question after question are lobbed at her. Telling them everything as she has nothing to hide, Rey would even share the videos she sent at the different times. 

“It’s our understanding that you also flew the aircraft,” another poses as if she’d been working with the terrorists. 

“Our Air Force, was so kind to guide me in. I had lessons but not for something that large.

They went on to paint her as a terrorist. Making Kylo’s blood boil. Several times he shouted at them, that she was a hero, and not to continue down this path. That he knew that they were corrupted for imposing that behavior on a woman that has only done the right thing for everyone including himself. The more they delved into the hearing the more he would lose it because she wasn’t. 

Finally, her own furry set in. “Do you believe in the same God you just made me swear to?” Rey asks.

The panel agrees, “yes.”

“Do you have family?” Some nod, some don’t. “Let me clarify.” She stands, “Do you have a family from which you originated from? One that loves you. Cares for you. One person blood related, that you can count on. Do you have that?” At the nod to all of them and around the room, “I May have once,” she explains a blisteringly terrible childhood to the panel. “But I have a family, a community of which are not blood related that cares for me and I for them. I would never put myself before them. The passengers on flight 2187 are no different.” She squares her shoulders, “if you have people you love in your life, would you not fight for their safety?” She looks around. 

Kylo can feel the hair on his arms raise at the thought of her seeing them, of being them. He didn’t want to imagine it. 

“I did what needed to be done. Or all of those people myself included would be dead.” At their impatient looks, as she claims the floor once more, “you don’t care do you? You’re only worried about the intel you could have gained if they were alive. Aren’t you?” She growls. 

“Its not exactly that simple, Ms. Kenobi.” A male says. Their names in strips showing to the front of their curved table, each with a glass of water and microphone. Of which she disregards, “We have laws...”

“In the sky?”

“Yes.” 

“Really?” She sounds surprised, “then why aren’t they followed?” 

The hearing went on for days. Involvement in the hearing went viral, families from the crash lining up to speak to anyone with an internet connection, crashing the internet for an hour. Millions viewed this around the world as it came back up, only to crash it again. This continued throughout the day and when every shred of it had been deciphered for over the course of the next few weeks, the over all ruling was that she had no connections to any groups and would be no longer under investigation. 

Rey, thankful she did not have to prove her skills out of respect to Maz, karate itself and the spiritual bond she had with it, she thanks each judge individually, retreating out of the court house to a podium right outside the putter doors. 

‘Great, more to say. Haven’t they gotten enough from her?’ He groans inwardly.

———

By the end of that week, Rey and Kylo had retreated back to their place just a few days before Christmas.

-Rose-  
Are you back yet? We have a surprise for you.

-Rey-  
We just got in. 

Not exactly they got in at least twenty minutes ago and all Rey kept talking about was how tired she was and wanting her pajamas and cuddles. 

-Rose-  
Come over. 

Rey stops pulling on her pajamas with a groan. 

“Just put them on...” Kylo says.

“Kylo, it’s freezing out.”

“I’ll keep you warm.” 

Rey blushes at the thought, “you always do,” trading her pajama shorts for her flannel pants, a t-shirt of hers, one of his sweatshirts, socks and slippers. His chest puffed out with so much pride at her words and selection, wearing something of his, presumably so she could keep him with her even though he couldn’t be as close as the desired at Finn’s. 

Getting ready himself, simply putting his shoes back on, since he was not going in pajamas, he made his way with her down stairs and back over in the clear night to see them. 

Rose has been discharged earlier the week before, but Baby Trooper had to stay. It was only news to them then when they surprised Rey with the arrival of their newest addition at home. The boys couldn’t contain themselves seeing the pair come through the door, congratulating their mother and father. 

“Rey,” Rose says carefully, revealing her beautiful baby girl. “I’d like you to meet, Rey-Lynn Paige Trooper.”

Kylo watches as her face morphs from exhaustion to, sadness, to honor, to Paige, right back to Rey-Lynn. Her hand flies to her mouth and tears stream down her face, in able to make a sound. 

“Would you like to hold her?” Rose asks. 

Rey starts to laugh through her shaking and tears, “it would be my honor.”

Kylo sits next to Rey admiring her, her friends and their family with his arm around Rey’s waist, promising her again, “someday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for this chapter will have to be posted later. :)


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue pushes their unit forward by two years, explaining where they are now. Kylo remembering times that are important to him and wanting to solidify a future together with Rey.

It’s been two years. Two, since Rey let Kylo into her life. They’ve been through far more than many other couples had in their lifetimes, and yet, through the good, and the bad, they managed in their own way to complement each other in a balance they now shared. They’d given their time to each other, to their friends, and community which solidified their foundations with each other. 

In the time they had together since Rey-Lynn’s announcement, Kylo helped Finn and Rose as their stay in Manny, and joked about the title enough that the boys even started calling him that in times of pure laughter. They though, had enough respect for him that they wouldn’t in the presence of others. They knew who he was and when enough was enough. Kylo spent time with their family while Rey worked in the garage finalizing proposals for a storefront locally, bringing jobs to veterans. Coming home was no easy feat for either of them, and it was part of her dream to give back to those who sacrificed their lives for the freedoms civilians bask in. Kylo respected her for it saving the funds he made watching to help with her project and solidify a future with her.

She had been right about a lot. Needing family was something he was sure he wanted. His turn, he’d apply what he wanted... what he felt he didn’t have. He’d give what he learned in the field. Just to be sure they knew love. They had communication and knew why it was so important to just listen sometimes. 

He’d experienced fear of loss with her, and the terrifying moments of a new birth. Rose, now home, and staying since Rey-Lynn needed her, decided to take Kylo on. Taught him Vietnamese to surprise Rey someday. He smiled at her when she told him it would be their little secret. Finn didn’t even try to learn it. But it was something she held on to since her sister passed. It was their code. Rey learned it when they first met not wanting to be left out. “We never really figured that was happening, so we took the time to teach her.”

Rey stirs in her sleep pulling him from his thoughts, but sighs sleepily snuggling back into him. Her hair covering her face wildly, pushing a smile up onto his cheeks this morning.

He thinks about the opportunities he’s had to ask her the only question he’s figured he’d ever want answered for the rest of his life. All special but not the right times. She made him matter in so many ways, he wanted it perfect. Like after their first Christmas she wanted him to make a wall unit that would display the ornaments Kaydel made. She wanted him to have a space where he could remember his friends, as if they were still here. In the years to follow she had him come with her to meet Paige, and traveled with him to Indiana, by car, to meet Andrew and Armitage’s families. There they had become a part of creating their grave covers Thanksgiving weekend, since Indiana was known for early snow, and lots of it. The importance of it to Rey warmed him. The Snokes and Huxes had welcomed her like family before knowing who she was and what she’d done. 

Warmth, light, love... she taught him that he could give it too, and so he would. Today they enjoyed a comfortable morning with plans to test in the afternoon. Everyone was being given the chance to upgrade, except for Rey-Lynn, who was still working on walking without falling. Two months early was no easy feat, pushing back quite a bit of her development. Still, she was strong and determined, and admired by all for it. 

His arm shifted looking to move against Rey’s bare back to ward off the tingling that had been pooling in his fingers. The warmth of her body next to his lulled him back into a comfortable deep sleep.

That afternoon, Rey and Kylo followed Finn’s van down to Maz’ dojo. Surprised by the filled lot the kids, and Rey get out to wait for them to park in the street. As they do, Rose spouts in Vietnamese, “Did you bring it?” At Kylo’s nod she adds, “Don’t choke this time.”

Finn looks around at who she could be talking to but finds no one, “if you’re not feeling ok, I can bring you home.”

Rose just laughs, “I’m fine... just singing...”

Kylo thinks on to his friends and what they might think of their buddy now, ‘If you told me years ago I’d be here, I’d never of believed you, saying I had a better chance of dying in the field than being in a position to ask Rey to marry me.’ He speaks to his friends in his mind pulling on his karategi and purple belt in the locker room of Maz’s dojo. The boys now older by two years each, had both onto brown belts, Kenny third Kyu and Anthony at first. They would be testing along side each other, he shakes his head at the thought. ‘Childhood is amazing,’ he thought, ‘they really can do anything.’ Anthony sits patiently as Kenny double checks Kylo’s belt, making sure it’s perfect for when they file out to see Miss Rey and Maz. Once he’s approved by them, they file out in age letting Kenny lead.

They walk proudly out of the small locker rooms into a half sized gymnasium rolled in a thick dark blue padding. KiKi now nearing four, wearing her white belt, joins them on the mat in front of Rey and Maz. The Sensei and Rey greet them all with a bow, and they return at the same time. Required to warm up, they begin without the command like soldiers. The children and Kylo take each as seriously as the last finishing promptly. 

Instructed to sit by a wave of her hand Sensei Maz asks KiKi to present first. Kiki’s form for her age reminds Maz of Rey, who kept her control in everything, even breathing, and it showed. Every stance, block and punch were correct, moving her with ease into a yellow belt which would be given at the end of the testing. An applause was given after she sat down. 

Next was Kenny, his focus had improved that much more. During his training he was required to come up with three purple belt skills that were inspired moves, so of course, he flew. The boy had so much power in his legs his lift would push him high enough to flip into the next kata. It was like watching a perfected movie clip. He was testing for the second Kyu Brown Belt which meant he needed to spar with his belt level to advance. Anthony was up next, prompting Kenny to bow and kneel back in his place. Anthony’s precision had been just as impressive, his style though, different from his brother’s still included on aerial assault combination and two more, one with a solid high kick finisher, and another with a dropping punch downward onto the invisible opponent. 

The brothers are called back to spar using their intense skill set to stop the other, with the control required to spar. Kenny’s fast feet are tempting and significantly fun to watch. Anthony though, he knows when Kenny is teasing and can see it before it happens, planted only until he sees the progression of his brother’s thoughts before his movements. The pair show their skills in three fall battles each, showing their preparedness and control at the finisher each time. Kenny and Anthony are both applauded for as they bow and return to their spaces with their hands by their sides. 

Kylo stands for his assessment. His belt color might be purple but Rey spent the time pushing him to find their equal stances. He wanted her to feel like she could have an out, like she could push forward. Her past was awful to anyone to have heard it but so was his. There had been so much loss, so much to redeem, he wanted to make her matter the way she made him. Kylo gave her everything that was left of him, and he turned into the warrior she needed. He’d push her, and it wasn’t easy to witness when she’d go too far and her body would give out. That leg needed attention, maybe even surgery to get it back to optimal usage, but Rey’s mind over mater wasn’t going to stop for it. She could only see the goal and completing it. Kylo and the kids were her goal, and he was going to stop at nothing to make sure he gave her exactly what she wanted. 

Kylo’s kata was smooth as it always had been. Strong. With purpose. They had the same fierceness in their step and Maz was pleased. The man was quick, and all that remained for him was to give back. To teach. To spread his knowledge. But of course, he would need someone to spar with to complete his journey in his purple belt. 

Maz, however knew what Rey had been doing, urging the man to continue his kata as if he were trying to place in higher belts. She wanted to see just how much he knew. How much he could have absorbed. Rey stayed silent watching her student take on the next forms. He made sure not to make eye contact with Rey throughout them all. Pleased, once again, Maz and Kylo bow to each other, allowing him to move on through to sparing with his partner, Rey. 

He would make her that too, ‘soon,’ he thought, not just in karate but in life. It was hard enough not to think of the ring he had made for her tied on a chain, wrapped around his elbow so he could feel it was still there. The karategi had no pockets and he wasn’t going to disrespect it by altering the uniform in any way, so this seemed correct. 

During their matches the tell tale sound of metal ground in itself in their silence between resets making Rey’s eyebrow lift. Kylo, with no more reasons to delay this, with her in this space, besting each other, ready to start again, he reaches up his sleeve, snapping the chain. Pieces of it land on the floor as he pulls out a karate belt inspired knotted engagement ring with a single diamond within the knotted setting. Kneeling to her, almost unable to say her name, “Rey?” He pronounces his love for her and everything she will always mean to him, “will you marry me?”

Blinded by a fear that she hasn’t said anything he looks up at her wiping tears from her eyes launching herself down into him. Her hug, the exact same as by the graveyard wall, pressed firmly into him. “Yes!” She whimpers. “A thousand times yes...” Applause echoed around the gym and out in the viewing area as Kylo slipped the ring onto her finger. Her kiss as soft and sweet as their first time, enveloped in a promise only the two could share.

Celebration ensued throughout the day well into the night. The children, proud of their level changes and excited to inspect what a yondan belt looked like. It’s fourth stripe remained with the three it was originally on. The boys though couldn’t stop talking about her skill and how Kylo improved. They harped on him wanting to play with him all day. 

Rose seemed to do the same. Her friends keeping them apart just to show congratulations and actually get a conversation in with them before the end of the night where they would truly want to be alone. “You know,” Rose said, “the plan was to get him to say it in our language.” She waved between them, “I’m glad he didn’t.” 

Rey smiles at her friend, pulling her in for a hug, wishing everyone a goodnight, finally collecting Kylo, “Let’s go home, love,” sealing her request with a kiss. 

‘Love,’ he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music will be posted for this too. Sorry for the wait. But I’m running all day. Will be up later.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading. After the other works are finished I do plan on writing a sequel to this <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Dealing with this Kylo Ren point of view plot bunny and then going back to work on Jakku Beach. 
> 
> Plot bunnies are aggressive. Writers be warned.
> 
> Also not sure if this was figured out but the names of the boys were of the actors for C3PO and R2D2 (Anthony and Kennith). <3
> 
> Also just to be clear they have not slept together yet.


End file.
